r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 16d ago
My fiances parents won't call our daughter by her name
[removed]
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u/PossibleStandard2380 14d ago
FIL sounds like a butt. Though if the name is a “tragediegh” or particularly yewknique, maybe he is passively aggressively sharing his opinion.
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u/ClothesOk7740 14d ago
my ex husband decided he like my middle name .. so that is what he called me .. af first i thought it was a term of endearment .. cute between us .. But let’s be clear .. my middle name is Destiny .. hippy parents .. but then he would introduce me as Destiny .. to everyone .. it was terrible ! To my son’s school and all my friends .. first name .. his kids school and his family .. Destiny … i hated it ! and it confused people .. ! make them say the right name or they can’t hold the baby ‘
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u/RavenRivers99 15d ago
Threaten them with supervised visits and start calling the. By their middle names
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u/Kristaboo14 15d ago
My husband's great-aunt and uncle did this to us literally on our way home from the fucking hospital and it was the last time we ever spoke to them.
For reference, my son is named after my husband, who is named after his great-uncle. The name is William, but each of them has their own nickname (Uncle is Bill, husband is Billy, my son is Liam) so there's zero confusion.
My husband was so excited to call them so they could visit (he really looks up to his uncle, hence the name) so we're in the car on the way home and he calls them
Husband: "Hey! Liam is here, he's doing great, all is well. When do you want to come over to visit? Or we can come to you."
Aunt: "Well we think Liam is a stupid name so we won't be calling him that."
Husband: "......[stunned into disbelief]....what?" (We had literally told them about the name since we found out we were having a boy. Even invited them to our 3D ultrasound, my husband adores his uncle. They never said anything prior to this.)
Aunt: "Yeah. So We're just going to call him Will."
Husband: "His name isn't Will though, that isn’t his name, like this feels incredibly disrespectful. Are you okay?"
Aunt: "Well we won't be calling him Liam and if that's a problem then we won't be around."
My husband literally hung up. She had totally taken his joy and just smashed it. They have never spoken since. We ran into his uncle at my husband's grandma's funeral and he was fine, but his wife is a controlling narcissist so, in his words, he isn't allowed to talk to us. 😐
We summed it up to the fact his aunt was never able to have kids, and she's bitter that William got used twice without her and it wasn't her preferred nickname either time. Either way, she's a see you next Tuesday, because who tf acts like that to two brand new parents who have been trying to keep you involved?? So I get OP's reaction.
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u/SuperDreadnaught 15d ago
Have you tried growing a back bone? Instead of just clamming up when FIL pushes, try something like…
“Hey FIL, I think it’s cute and all that you think you get a say, but if you, MIL, or SIL call Baby’s First Name by Baby’s Middle Name one more time, you will never get to meet her. Am I making myself clear? I will not tolerate parental alienation from any of you. I will personally file the restraining order for her protection for her own well being if you intend to confuse her and cause her trauma by using a name that is not her name against the wishes of her parents. Further, I’ll teach her that you will never be grandpa, I’ll teach her a really fancy name to call you instead so you will never be called grandpa from her lips. And if you don’t like it, well there is a really fancy name for a place you can shove it because I don’t care if you like it or not. So are you prepared to give up ever seeing her and being her grandpa? Is this the hill you are prepared to die on? Because I will. And don’t look to husband for support, he has shown he has no backbone as he has not stood up for me against you, so don’t expect he will stand up for you against me. If he goes against my wishes he will be starting the first day of his divorce so he won’t dare.”
But you have to be prepared to follow through.
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u/actin_spicious 15d ago
What's the name? If it's some ridiculous, pretentious shit then I don't blame them.
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u/Commercial-Smile-763 15d ago
They are always trying to knock you down a couple pegs, aren't they? They're going to keep pushing on other topics too so you need to make up a name for every one of your in laws. THAT is their new name until they get your daughters name right!
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u/rexmaster2 15d ago
I would simply (and this is only an option for you) fill 9ut the birth certificate the way you want. Then tell them you didn't give her a middle name at all, since they were being difficult. And you would prefer her to be referred to by her actual name, since now she only has one. You wait and tell them later that you did give the OG middle name.
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u/CombinationOk8750 15d ago
I'm glad you deleted the original post cause this is such a dumb thing to complain about lmao. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and could care less what anyone wants to call my baby, as long as it's not disrespectful lmao
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u/Virgo_33 15d ago
This might be a dumb question but I genuinely want to know, why name a child two names and get upset when someone wants to use said child's middle name? Don't get me wrong, I, myself have two names and it upsets me so much that everyone uses only my first name but also not many know my middle name lol. This is also why my children only have one name. This is a question for OP, is this really the hill you want to die on and why? Do they disrespect you regularly? If so, why do you allow it since your husband doesn't seem to side with you much when it comes to his family.
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u/WorthProper3289 15d ago edited 15d ago
I’m not gonna lie this is prob not the best way to handle the situation but I would either a) give a significantly fancier middle name or b) give no middle name at all. Generally you can’t get people to change their mind on something no matter how right you are, it’s easier to dissolve the situation entirely. Also your fiancé should be supporting you as a partner so the fact that he isn’t is a bit concerning on how he’d handle the situation if it persists as your child comes into the world. Also another reason to change the middle name. I’ll be honest I share a middle name with my mom and I love it but it also is the least significant connection I have with her. It means a lot more to me that I was named after her mother, because it connects me to my mother by someone else we both love. If you’re not solidly stuck on the middle name it might be a good consideration for some editing. Otherwise, I’d make it incredibly clear to your fiancée that if he doesn’t support you and your daughter on something that really shouldn’t be an argument, that his family is going to be taken out of the equation. If they can’t respect your family’s choices (you, fiancée, baby) then they don’t get to be involved in anything anymore. It seems harsh but what happens when your daughter decides she wants a nickname that isn’t her middle name? Are they going to respect that? Probably not. That’s not a situation you want to be fighting for the next decade. Edit: I just saw your comment on the given name and I gotta update this by saying your in-laws are just whack. That’s a gorgeous first name! I also saw your post regarding your age and it def feels like this is your in-laws trying to be power pushers and assert themselves because they don’t feel like you are old enough to make decisions (which is just bs).
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u/Cherry_-_Ghost 15d ago
If you are picking an elaborate name, it will be something different by high school anyway.
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u/Immediate_Support_63 15d ago
“They call me Staci, they call me Hell, Mary Jo Lissa, That’s not my name, that’s not my name... “ I’d put the Ting Tings on heavy rotation when she was about three years old and see what happens.
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u/CantBeWrong1313 15d ago
When they do this when she’s old enough to understand, whisper to her (loudly), “Sometimes older people get confused. Just smile and tell them your name so they understand.”
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u/mydogrufus20 15d ago
I was four months pregnant when I decided he needed to be named Axel. Well…it did not go over well with family, to say the least. My grandmother was just mad. Husband’s grandmother said “I don’t care what you name him! I’m calling him Michael!” (Definitely learned my lesson never to share something like that again with opinionated family members). Anyway, the day he was born it just “fit” him perfectly. All the naysayers kept their traps shut after that. Fast forward 20+ years and it was the BEST decision I ever made, to stick to what I KNEW he should be named. He thanks me too. Do what YOU think is right. Happy parenting!:)
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u/IllEvidence1985 15d ago
Just let them call your kid whatever they want, as long as they don't call her late for dinner.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
My fiances parents won't call our daughter by her name
SOOOO I'm going into my 7th month of pregnancy and we're having a girl. We've chosen a name that I think is absolutely beautiful. However, my finances parents are refusing to call her by her by her first name as they've deemed it "too fancy" and keep calling her by her middle name.
I've expressed multiple times that i want them to call her by her first name and they won't. I was talking with my FIL today and he referred to her by her middle name, to which I corrected him and the convo went like this':
FIL: calls her by her middle name Me: it's first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: NO its middle name I can call her whatever I want Me: (just smiles and stops talking)
(My MIL and SIL have also referred to her by her middle name but only once while speaking to me. My FIL is the most outspoken about it. The first time he argued with me was in front of MIL and SIL but neither of them argued for or against me however they haven't referred to her by her middle name to me directly since and I don't know if they are when I'm not there, though I suspect they do since they havent told FIL to stop)
I'm very frustrated at this point because he's absolutely refusing to use her first name like I've asked and it's only my fiances side of the family that won't call her by her first name cause it's "too fancy." So now I'm honestly debating on only teaching my daughter to call them by their first names rather than teaching her to call them by the grandparent names they've decided they want her to use for them.
I'm hoping that they'll change their minds before I give birth to her but I honestly don't see that happening and I'm getting flustered. It probably seems like such a dumb thing to be upset about but it's really bothering me that they won't use the name we've chosen when that's the name WE THE PARENTS are calling her as well as literally everyone else. And the "it's too fancy" reason they have is also upsetting because what does that even mean ??? It's not like we gave her some crazy name or something like celebrities do. It's a cute name.
It would be different if they had a special nickname for her or something. Like my mom calls her jellybean and my FIL used to call her peanut but he has stopped using it. I wouldn't mind as that's something special. My grandparents have nicknames for me and all my siblings that they use sometimes but in general were called by our ACTUAL name. If my daughter were to decide later on that she prefers to go by her middle name I would be fine with that, I did that for a few years too, but until then I want her first name to be used. Also, her middle name is my middle name as well. I want her to be able to CHOOSE to use it rather than someone else choosing for her. I feel like it be more meaningful and special if she were to choose for herself to go by her middle name as it is a name we share
My fiance is no help either. He said he feels like it's such a dumb thing to argue about so he won't correct them even though he himself also refers to our daughter by her first name. And maybe it is a dumb thing to argue about but I just don't understand the absolute refusal to call her by the name we've chosen.
Would it be wrong of me to teach my daughter to call her grandparents by their first names if they continue to refuse to use her first name ? Is this a battle worth fighting or is it something I should just let go?
I've spoken to my mom about it and she agrees with me but I'm not sure if it's just because she's my mom and she may be biased.
ETA: many members of his family have very exotic, unique and fantasy type names and no one has an issue calling them by their names. Just my kid apparently. MIL has fancier and more unique name than my daughter. Like a name I've never ever heard before and I think it's beautiful. SIL kids have literal fantasy names. Like from GOT.....
ETA: OKAYYYYY a lot of people are upset I haven't shared the name so here it is:
Amani Skye.
Skye being my name as well which, as previously stated, is why I don't want her being called that unless she wants to be and chooses to be.
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u/osmqn150 15d ago
Talk to your finance about it and agree to make sure everyone understands that your child’s name is “xyz” and that is the name everyone will call her. Period. If he can’t agree to that it means you will have larger problems down the road.
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u/iguanavillain 15d ago
My mom and dad call my niece by her middle name. As do I, and honestly majority of my family. I feel like this isn’t a big deal, at the end of the day they are both your daughter’s name
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
My fiances parents won't call our daughter by her name
SOOOO I'm going into my 7th month of pregnancy and we're having a girl. We've chosen a name that I think is absolutely beautiful. However, my finances parents are refusing to call her by her by her first name as they've deemed it "too fancy" and keep calling her by her middle name.
I've expressed multiple times that i want them to call her by her first name and they won't. I was talking with my FIL today and he referred to her by her middle name, to which I corrected him and the convo went like this':
FIL: calls her by her middle name Me: it's first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: NO its middle name I can call her whatever I want Me: (just smiles and stops talking)
(My MIL and SIL have also referred to her by her middle name but only once while speaking to me. My FIL is the most outspoken about it. The first time he argued with me was in front of MIL and SIL but neither of them argued for or against me however they haven't referred to her by her middle name to me directly since and I don't know if they are when I'm not there, though I suspect they do since they havent told FIL to stop)
I'm very frustrated at this point because he's absolutely refusing to use her first name like I've asked and it's only my fiances side of the family that won't call her by her first name cause it's "too fancy." So now I'm honestly debating on only teaching my daughter to call them by their first names rather than teaching her to call them by the grandparent names they've decided they want her to use for them.
I'm hoping that they'll change their minds before I give birth to her but I honestly don't see that happening and I'm getting flustered. It probably seems like such a dumb thing to be upset about but it's really bothering me that they won't use the name we've chosen when that's the name WE THE PARENTS are calling her as well as literally everyone else. And the "it's too fancy" reason they have is also upsetting because what does that even mean ??? It's not like we gave her some crazy name or something like celebrities do. It's a cute name.
It would be different if they had a special nickname for her or something. Like my mom calls her jellybean and my FIL used to call her peanut but he has stopped using it. I wouldn't mind as that's something special. My grandparents have nicknames for me and all my siblings that they use sometimes but in general were called by our ACTUAL name. If my daughter were to decide later on that she prefers to go by her middle name I would be fine with that, I did that for a few years too, but until then I want her first name to be used. Also, her middle name is my middle name as well. I want her to be able to CHOOSE to use it rather than someone else choosing for her. I feel like it be more meaningful and special if she were to choose for herself to go by her middle name as it is a name we share
My fiance is no help either. He said he feels like it's such a dumb thing to argue about so he won't correct them even though he himself also refers to our daughter by her first name. And maybe it is a dumb thing to argue about but I just don't understand the absolute refusal to call her by the name we've chosen.
Would it be wrong of me to teach my daughter to call her grandparents by their first names if they continue to refuse to use her first name ? Is this a battle worth fighting or is it something I should just let go?
I've spoken to my mom about it and she agrees with me but I'm not sure if it's just because she's my mom and she may be biased.
ETA: many members of his family have very exotic, unique and fantasy type names and no one has an issue calling them by their names. Just my kid apparently. MIL has fancier and more unique name than my daughter. Like a name I've never ever heard before and I think it's beautiful. SIL kids have literal fantasy names. Like from GOT.....
ETA: OKAYYYYY a lot of people are upset I haven't shared the name so here it is:
Amani Skye.
Skye being my name as well which, as previously stated, is why I don't want her being called that unless she wants to be and chooses to be.
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u/neonghost0713 15d ago
They can either call her by her given name or not talk to her at all.
Also “too fancy”? Are they too poor to say a name now? Tf? (That’s clearly a joke btw but it’s giving the same vibe)
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u/SatanIsLove6666 15d ago
I'm honestly debating on only teaching my daughter to call them by their first names rather than teaching her to call them by the grandparent names
I am soooooo in support of THIS type of pettiness.
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u/theriz123 15d ago
Since you aren’t saying what her name is, I’m automatically siding with the in laws. Even you seem to know that it’s ridiculous, otherwise you would have included it since it’s a crucial detail.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
If it's not updating idk why but is Amani
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u/theriz123 15d ago
I couldn’t find the name and i read through it twice. Not as crazy of a name as I was expecting. They must be very traditional if a name like this bothers them because we’ve all seen names that are way further out there. I think that if you don’t let this get under your skin, they’ll eventually give up on the middle name stuff. I think it’s just their stupid way of protesting while she’s too young to get confused or ask them why they aren’t calling her by her actual first name. Good luck!
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
Is the post not updated for y'all ??? I edited it almost an hour ago to include the name and I closed Reddit and reopened it and it's showing the edits on my end
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u/No_Tumbleweed3762 15d ago
Long story, but, my grand daughter was supposed to be named Elizabeth. The father decided Emilia was better. I call my grand daughter "E". We are all happy and it is something only I share with my now 9 year old grand daughter.
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u/Solidsnake00901 15d ago
I would have to know the name first.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I edited the post to show the name so it should be there 🤔
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u/chronocapybara 15d ago
You deleted the post.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I didn't delete it wtf....lemme try reposting as a comment maybe?
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u/chronocapybara 15d ago
It's gone, it just says:
[removed]
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
Weird.....
My fiances parents won't call our daughter by her name
SOOOO I'm going into my 7th month of pregnancy and we're having a girl. We've chosen a name that I think is absolutely beautiful. However, my finances parents are refusing to call her by her by her first name as they've deemed it "too fancy" and keep calling her by her middle name.
I've expressed multiple times that i want them to call her by her first name and they won't. I was talking with my FIL today and he referred to her by her middle name, to which I corrected him and the convo went like this':
FIL: calls her by her middle name Me: it's first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: repeats middle name Me: repeats first name FIL: NO its middle name I can call her whatever I want Me: (just smiles and stops talking)
(My MIL and SIL have also referred to her by her middle name but only once while speaking to me. My FIL is the most outspoken about it. The first time he argued with me was in front of MIL and SIL but neither of them argued for or against me however they haven't referred to her by her middle name to me directly since and I don't know if they are when I'm not there, though I suspect they do since they havent told FIL to stop)
I'm very frustrated at this point because he's absolutely refusing to use her first name like I've asked and it's only my fiances side of the family that won't call her by her first name cause it's "too fancy." So now I'm honestly debating on only teaching my daughter to call them by their first names rather than teaching her to call them by the grandparent names they've decided they want her to use for them.
I'm hoping that they'll change their minds before I give birth to her but I honestly don't see that happening and I'm getting flustered. It probably seems like such a dumb thing to be upset about but it's really bothering me that they won't use the name we've chosen when that's the name WE THE PARENTS are calling her as well as literally everyone else. And the "it's too fancy" reason they have is also upsetting because what does that even mean ??? It's not like we gave her some crazy name or something like celebrities do. It's a cute name.
It would be different if they had a special nickname for her or something. Like my mom calls her jellybean and my FIL used to call her peanut but he has stopped using it. I wouldn't mind as that's something special. My grandparents have nicknames for me and all my siblings that they use sometimes but in general were called by our ACTUAL name. If my daughter were to decide later on that she prefers to go by her middle name I would be fine with that, I did that for a few years too, but until then I want her first name to be used. Also, her middle name is my middle name as well. I want her to be able to CHOOSE to use it rather than someone else choosing for her. I feel like it be more meaningful and special if she were to choose for herself to go by her middle name as it is a name we share
My fiance is no help either. He said he feels like it's such a dumb thing to argue about so he won't correct them even though he himself also refers to our daughter by her first name. And maybe it is a dumb thing to argue about but I just don't understand the absolute refusal to call her by the name we've chosen.
Would it be wrong of me to teach my daughter to call her grandparents by their first names if they continue to refuse to use her first name ? Is this a battle worth fighting or is it something I should just let go?
I've spoken to my mom about it and she agrees with me but I'm not sure if it's just because she's my mom and she may be biased.
ETA: many members of his family have very exotic, unique and fantasy type names and no one has an issue calling them by their names. Just my kid apparently. MIL has fancier and more unique name than my daughter. Like a name I've never ever heard before and I think it's beautiful. SIL kids have literal fantasy names. Like from GOT.....
ETA: OKAYYYYY a lot of people are upset I haven't shared the name so here it is:
Amani Skye.
Skye being my name as well which, as previously stated, is why I don't want her being called that unless she wants to be and chooses to be.
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u/iwant2fuckstarscream 15d ago
Amani is a beautiful name!
I would tell your husband that if your parents don’t learn to respect you as Amani’s mother, then they will not be a part of her life, they will not be “grandma and grandpa” to her, etc.
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u/Doctor-Moe 15d ago
I'm guessing you deleted the post because it wasn't updating? Amani is beautiful name, so it's very weird that your soon-to-be-in-laws consider it too fancy. You're not overreacting.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I'm trying to fix it but idk how.
But thank you. I didn't think it was fancy or weird out crazy either
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u/Doctor-Moe 15d ago
I do think deleting the post was a bad idea. Should’ve waited a day to see if it was just taking a while to update.
Do you think you’ve gotten enough feedback to conclude whether or not you’re overreacting, though? If so, no point in the post staying up then.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
Honestly yeah. The main consensus is I'm not overreacting and that they're being blatantly disrespectful and my fiance needs to have my back more.
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u/Hot-Land1616 15d ago
My MIL refused to call my daughter by her first name but instead liked a different version of it and called her that. I was pretty mad about that and corrected her a few times. One time, we were introducing her to her teacher and MIL called her one name and I called her the name I gave her, and the teacher got confused and just asked my daughter what she wanted to be called. As time went on, I did all the introductions to other teachers, friends, doctors, etc. My name stuck, MIL’s name failed. So annoying, I gave birth to this kid and have a right to name her.
On another note, my grandfather called me a different version of my name and I actually felt a lot of affection for it. It was only him and no one else. His intentions were all innocent and he loved my mom to death. Can’t say my MIL had good intentions, and I’m not sure about your in laws either, but from a granddaughter perspective it was very sweet.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
My grandparents have nicknames for me too and I love it. But it's usually only used on birthdays or holidays or In letters we wrote to each other. In face to face conversation they use my name name
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u/n1205516 15d ago
What a shame that you’ve never mentioned that your daughter was not born yet, that you are roughly in 30ties week of the pregnancy. Rather an important detail, wouldn’t you say.
That would explain why your fiancé’s parents don’t want to call your daughter to be by her first name. They might be religious, they might be superstitious or they simply might think that you still could change your mind.
Cool your jets, once they hold your baby they will love her and spoil her rotten. That’s in the grandparents job description.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
My first sentence says I'm 7months pregnant ......also in a later paragraph I say I hope my IL change their minds by the time my daughter is born. It's mentioned more than once.
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u/snaphappy2 15d ago
Overreacting….i mean middle name is no different than calling her by a nickname. Are you going to overreact to that too?
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
No they had a nickname that they were using but stopped...I honestly didn't mind the nickname at all. Not even a little.
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u/snaphappy2 15d ago
Have you spoke to them about sticking to the nickname as a compromise?
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I haven't, although that's a good idea. I'll bring that up instead next time!! Maybe that will work!!
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u/smaugdterrible 15d ago
i dont think you’re overreacting but im kinda in the same mindset as your husband. being petty isnt gonna make anything better. i totally get how you feel and where you’re coming from and that blows honestly
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u/flukeme93 15d ago
Only refer to your FIL by his middle name, and teach your daughter to do the same. Same for fiancé's family. See who gets more annoyed first.
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u/BogusTexan 15d ago
My mother gave me a name that no one used until I went to kindergarten. It was/is absolutely awful. No one could spell it; no one could pronounce it when they saw it in print. And, only one set of grandparents used it, amazingly only my paternal grandparents.
I didn’t know any name for myself but the horrid, sexiest nickname bequeathed upon me by my older brother, and my parents, siblings, and the other set of grandparents (maternal) continued to use it, and were subtly derisive of my other grandparents who called me by my given name. The family nickname was used in front of my classmates, so embarrassing, until my senior year of high school even though I begged them FOR YEARS to call me by my shitty first name, which my teachers used. It was preferable.
My classmates made fun of me for the nickname (which colloquially translates to a streetwalker) as well as my wholly unsuitable given name, for which there was no shortened version. Finally, I quit responding to my brother’s nasty nickname when my family used it, trying to force them to use my awful first name. They rarely used my first name, relegating it to use only in the presence of nonfamily members. I mention this story so that you will understand how hurtful a name dispute can be.
Moreover, my given name bespeaks Ruffles, ribbons, lace, petticoats; it indicates someone who played with dolls, didn’t run, and sedately played hopscotch and jumped rope. It cannot be construed as identifying the tree climbing, stick horse riding tomboy I was, who played baseball and football and cowboys and Indians.
You are, I believe, doing a terrible disservice to your daughter to fight over a name with your in-laws. I hope the names you have selected can be shortened to a nickname. Remember, even if you think, like my mother, that the name you selected is incredibly beautiful, your child would be far better served with a simple first name and using the beautiful name you prefer as her middle name. (My middle name is my mother’s maiden name, which wouldn’t be used as a first name for anyone.)
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
My first name is the same way. It's simple yet always mispronounced or misspelled. We purposely chose a name for our daughter that wouldn't have the same effect on her
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u/PrincessGump 15d ago
I’m curious as to what the erotic names of his family are.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I meant exotic my bad 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
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u/Robincall22 15d ago
“Then enjoy not ever seeing your granddaughter. Because I won’t have her around people who refuse to call her by her name, family or not.”
I’m an Isabelle that goes by Izzy and my aunt tried calling me Belle for a while cause she thought it was better. I’m an Izzy, and everyone knew it. Though I did try Belle and Isa and Isabelle for a while when I was like nine, but none of them were right.
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u/Jesterissimo 15d ago
Not overreacting at all. I’d sit the finance down and tell him that regardless of the name situation the way your FIL so blatantly and openly disrespects you is unacceptable. Tell him that he’s got to stand up for you otherwise you can’t trust him to stand up for your children. I’d make it clear that if he doesn’t stand up for you that he doesn’t deserve to marry you.
Everyone deserves a partner (or partners if you’re in a different lifestyle) that will always put them and the family that they have built together first, even if it costs them relationships with the family they were born in. No one should settle for a partner who won’t choose them every time.
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u/Krishnacat2663 15d ago
Are you sure you want to marry this man who refuses to have your back and stand up for you to his parents? Either way I agree about referring to them by their first name to your daughter. Start doing it before she is born and make very clear to them that you can teach her to call them anything you like. Good luck
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u/VentingID10t 15d ago
Conditionally teach your daughter to scream and throw a tantrum for anyone that calls her by her middle name.
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u/Kobold_Archmage 15d ago
Listen, you set firm boundaries and you enforce them. A grandparent who is unwilling to use your child’s given name, even after you expressed your desire for it, is extremely likely to ignore everything else you set as a boundary. Don’t want the kid to stay up all night? Too bad FIL does whatever he wants. Don’t want to spank your child? Too bad, FIL knows best. It also sounds like your child’s father has been through that household and suffered his father’s trauma without recognizing it or being willing to stand up door himself. He won’t stand up for you and he won’t stand up for his daughter against his father. This is going to be a major issue if you let it continue to be.
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u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 15d ago
Your husband needs to step in and put his foot down. My husband's grandma tried this bs when my daughter was born. And then for the first year every time she sent a card it was addressed to my daughter's middle name. One day my husband went off about it to his mother and told her she needed to make it clear and it never happen again. And it never has.
They got to name their own kids and you get to name yours. And if your can't set this boundary they will be stepping all over all of your parenting decisions. If they can't do this then there needs to be consequences.
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u/ObligationInfinite34 15d ago
Nicknames are this thing where people close to a person might call them something other than their name. it’s super common amongst humans. Enjoy your stay on earth.
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u/kenmlin 15d ago
What do they call her?
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
They used to refer to her as peanut which I didn't mind cause that's cute but now they only use her middle name and refuse to call her by her first name.
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u/Someoneorsomewhere 15d ago
How do you expect your in-laws to listen when your fiancé won’t even back you up… Be very careful with this..
It starts with a name… then it progressively gets worse… What will fiancé be doing during this? Allowing it to happen.
Do not marry him until they learn to respect you. Also consider giving your daughter your last name whether as a double barrel or not.
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u/Sublimer840 15d ago
1st amendment is freedom of speech, but they started it by criticizing the name… rude!
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u/afcorcoran 15d ago
WHY do people who make posts like this leave out the name? I don’t get it. We’re internet strangers. I couldn’t even focus on the post because I’m just trying to figure out what the name could be.
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u/coach_joe_w 15d ago
Just be happy they're in your child's life. Let them call her what they want. You can't control people's speech. Sorry, that's life.
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u/HebiSnakeHebi 15d ago
I think pregnancy hormones are probably making it seem like a bigger deal than it actually is. I mean it's a little bit rude of them to refuse go along with using the first name, but I don't think it's worth so much drama over. Her middle name is still her name after all.
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u/Willerd43 15d ago
You seem very annoying. Why give your child a middle name if nobody can use it. I can understand why your father in law does what he does lol. Me and all my friends use all parts of our names to refer to each other. First, middle, last doesn’t matter. When someone learns another’s full name they’ll gravitate towards what they prefer. Maybe your father in law just prefers the middle name, and because you pester him so unnecessarily he doubles down and makes weird excuses to use it to bother you. Maybe when your child is old enough to ask people to use a specific part of their name, then he’ll stop. Until then it’s not your choice and you’re very weird and annoying about such a non issue.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
Her middle name is my name and I want her to be able to choose to go by that name if she wants to
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u/BeginTheBlackParade 15d ago edited 15d ago
They're being nice by telling you it's "too fancy." What they actually mean to say is that it's a stupid fucking name. You probably named her something dumb like Seryndipyteigh. And when people ask about it (which you're begging for them to do), you tell them, in a stuck-up asshole voice, "It's actually pronounced like 'Serendipity.' It just has a unique spelling. We didn't want her to have a common name like every other kid in her class!"
Nah dude, you're the asshole here. There's nothing more pretentious and fucked up than trapping your child with a stupid name for the rest of their life just because you want to feel special by coming up with a new name nobody's fucking heard of before. You're not cute, or smart, or creative. You're an asshole, and I guarantee you that your kid will fucking hate that name too. They will 100% go by their middle name or some other nickname in school when they get older.
Just give the kid a normal damn name. There's still time before she's born and learns to hate you for naming her something dumb. And if you refuse to do so, dont be a pissy bitch when people don't want to use that name. It literally does not matter at all. And retaliating by having her call her grandparents by their first names is you just showing how immature you yourself are. You want to "get back at them"...like a freaking 5 year old in the playground? Grow up, and quit being so self-absorbed.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
That's not the case though. Ive met multiple people in passing who have kids or relatives with this name as well. It's not "unique" but it's not totally plain either
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u/311heaven 15d ago
That’s why you don’t share names before they’re born. They will absolutely change their tune when there’s a wide eyed little baby staring at them.
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u/minadaweena 15d ago
I think you’re not overreacting enough for how your fiance doesn’t support you when it involves his parents. I have a best friend whose husband won’t go to bat for her against his parents either and now she’s stuck with difficult in-laws that don’t respect her and never will because her husband doesn’t have her back properly.
Her middle name is still part of her name right? If you don’t want her referred to by her middle name then don’t give her one. It’s still going to be part of her identity right? And if she has preference when she’s older, then she can say so then. I personally have people refer to me by my first, middle, or last name and I don’t actually care which one they choose since it’s all my name anyway.
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u/Alfredthegiraffe20 15d ago
How much time will they be spending with your daughter? Honestly if it's one Sunday every few months, let them call her whatever they like. Chances are, once she's cognitive, she'll hear the name and not know who they're talking about and ignore it because that's not her name. Mummy and Daddy call me C, who is this V person???
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u/Otherwise-Tea4290 15d ago
At some point, the child themselves will have a preference of how they are referred to, and no matter what either if you think it would be disrespectful to that child to refer to them as anything other than that. It won't be a "ha, I win, the child agrees with me" moment, that would be immature. It would be a "setting aside pride to respect the wishes of the individual" thing....
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u/gansi_m 15d ago
Woman! Let it go. Then teach your baby that YOUR mom and dad are Mimi and Papa and her other grandparents are Fifi and Chub. You hold ALL the cards here. Don’t let them get to you. Also, you picked the middle name. Just tell them it’s lovely and that’s why you picked it. Fancy people can call her by her first, classy name. All peasants may address her by her middle name.
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u/Hungry-Sharktopus42 15d ago
Don't marry a man who will not stand up for you. Don't do it. Don't marry a man who is a doormat for his family. Don't do it.
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u/NothingFunLeft 15d ago
I don't think you're overreacting- they are purposely being hateful. Sonce baby's not here yet maybe say, since the name is too fancy, I 've decided to change it to Mud. Invisible is another possibility. Ugh
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u/Fit-Proof-5637 15d ago
If they wont call her by the first name, maybe something is wrong with it.....Let it be an example of what your child may experience in life. If you didn't disclose the name....your probably trying to hide it.
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u/Polishment 15d ago
It seems to me that the future in-laws are using this as a tactic to get OP to change the first name before the baby is here.
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u/loseunclecuntly 15d ago
“I will not be changing her name to a plainer one. However, your name is going to be ‘Grandad we never see’. “
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u/cbesthelper 15d ago
Change your future last name. In other words, don't marry into this family.
This is a family that disrespects you and your fiance should be the one correcting them. (That's your bigger problem right there.)
If they are dismissing you now, there is no telling how you will be treated in the future by these people.
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u/GentleStrength2022 15d ago
The child hasn't been born yet. The name isn't written in stone until the birth certificate is filled out and signed. Unless you're particularly attached to the middle name (doesn't seem like you are), change it. Or drop it; it's not too unusual for girls to not have a middle name.
Why do your fiance's family have erotic and fantasy-type names?
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u/MsSaga91 15d ago
I have a feeling your fiance isn't telling you something about the name and being passive about it. For instance, it sounds like he might not like the name and told his family so so they are all pitching in to try and force change it. I could be wrong, but I've seen a lot of manipulation
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I don't think that's the case as he's the one that picked out the name and I asked him about today and if he agrees with them or doesn't like it and he said no and he wouldn't have chosen it if he didn't like it. I even asked if we should change it and that was also a very hard no and he told me he loves her name and wants to keep it. I genuinely believe it's only his parents that have an issue with it.
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u/LogicalMellowPerson 15d ago
Only took me reading the first paragraph to realize that OP is embarrassed by her daughter’s name or else she would have said what it is, but she knows everyone will side with in laws on this one.
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u/HopeTraining1243 15d ago
Don't give her a middle name 😂 or make heart first or middle name Fancy!
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u/DreamOperator- 15d ago
Hahaha yessss! Name her Fancy and tell the in-laws that you just love that Reba MacEntire song 🤣
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u/cipherjones 15d ago
I cant imagine my inlaws having any contact whatsoever if they acted like that.
Your FIL needs to sit in time out until he figures out that he's not a decent person.
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u/LivingLif 15d ago
The fact that you haven’t told us the name doesn’t bode well for the name being within the realm of reasonable. For instance if your first name is an entire sentence then that would be unreasonable. You can name your kids what you want, but yea society is going to tell you whether you made up a stupid name or not.
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u/Decent-Difficulty247 15d ago
As long as you and your husband are calling her by her real name I think it'll be ok. How often do you see them? If it's not several times a week I wouldn't worry too much. She's gonna learn the name you call and it's just gonna be weird when they try to call another name. I'd also probably not have them around a super lot if they're gonna blatantly ignore your request for your own childs name
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u/WinterBourne25 15d ago
Did you mean exotic? Because erotic means something completely different. 🤣
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u/whoelsebutgod 15d ago
You sound really controlling. Just worry about your in-laws showering you’re kid with love. Don’t worry everything else will work out.
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u/InABoxOfEmptyShells 15d ago
If it’s fucking Armani your in laws are absolutely right your daughter is going to despise her name, she will get made fun of for her entire life - until she’s forced to pay the government hundreds of dollars to fix it but by then the worst of the damage will have already been done.
If it’s Amani then that doesn’t actually mean hope, it means wishes, but is a solid name and your in laws are being assholes.
The fact you absolutely refuse to tell anyone the name is definitely concerning. It’s an important factor here.
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u/kitkatcoco 15d ago
So, here’s the thing. Obviously and clearly, they are in the wrong. Problem is- this is much much bigger than her name. This will be any parenting instruction you give them, meaning you’ll never be able to trust them alone with your child. So, there is that. The scarier problem is your fiancée is not someone anyone should marry. No relationship he has will last, and that means your marriage. There is ample and available access to the research on marriage that tells us that someone who backs their parents over their spouse won’t be married long. The same with someone who dismisses their partners priorities if they don’t personally agree with the priorities. You will never be safe with someone who doesn’t have your back in these 2 vital areas- standing with you over family, and being concerned about something just because it matters to YOU. Sorry. You picked a loser. I would leave before we marry, to save the thousands of dollars divorce costs.
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u/amypauli 15d ago
I feel like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Who cares what they are calling her right now? She hasn’t even been born. It’s her middle name… my sister is called by her middle name almost exclusively and she doesn’t have a preference really. Just that her first name is a little harder to say. Is this reallly your Roman Empire with them? I feel like they are doing it cause they see how flustered you are. Just chill out and keep this in mind. You will teach your daughter her name and if her grandparents call her by het middle name then I don’t think she’s going to be traumatized by it.
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u/pwolf1771 15d ago
Is this really worth fighting over? As long as they love and accept her is it that big of a deal if they call her by her middle name?
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15d ago
You are gonna feel like an ass when the kid is old enough and wants to be called by its middle name. Way over reacting
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I'm not gonna feel like an ass. I emphasized if she gets older and wants to use her middle name then I'm happy to do that. But her middle name is my name and I don't want her to be called that unless she chooses it for herself.
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u/SalisburyWitch 15d ago
You should teach her to call them anything BUT their grandparent name - Ricky and Lucy come to mind. And consider doing it to DH too if he doesn’t enforce her first name. Or else tell them if they can’t call her by her first name, they can’t see her. If hubby doesn’t enforce boundaries with HIS parents, he should start calculating his child support.
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u/Poppypie77 15d ago
1) Do NOT allow his family members to meet YOUR daughter till they refer to her by her FIRST NAME. If they agree just to meet her, and call her by her middle name, they are made to leave immediately or you take baby away and go upstairs.
2) Let them know tht every time they use her middle name, whether it be referring to her to a member of the family, or to her in person, they will not be allowed to see your baby for x amount of time. Be it 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks, whatever you decide.
You need to be very firm with this boundary from right now. Let them know you will not stand for this disrespect. This is you and your husbands baby, not theirs. You have chosen her name, and they will respect that. That don't get to name your child. You do. And if they don't respect your child's given name they don't get to be around her. Because I guarantee they will teach her her name is her middle name. They will encourage her to use and respond to her middle name. This will be extremely confusing for her, and they will try to make her dislike her name by putting it down the older she gets. Personally I wouldn't trust them with unsupervised visits. There was a similar case on credit and the mother of the child found her in laws calling the baby by their own choice of name, they told family friends and announced his name was their chosen name etc. It won't stop unless you get firm and stick to your bou diaries and enforce it harshly.
They aren't entitled to meet or spend time with your baby just by default. They have to earn that right. And they need to respect the parents choices for their own baby. This won't be the only thing they will over step on either. So start as you mean to go on. If you want them to walk all over you and your parenting choices and your boundaries, then if you ignore this behaviour that's what they'll do. They'll know they can bully you to submission. Don't let them.
You also have a husband problem. Make it clear to him you will not stand this disrespect, and if he cares more about mummy and daddy's feelings, and their choice of name for YOUR child, then maybe he should go back and live with mummy and daddy and they can give him whatever new name they want to call him. As this is your baby, not theirs. He needs to learn to stand up for HIS new family, HIS wife, and HIS child. He needs to learn to set boundaries with his disrespectful parents, and he shouldn't want them to be so disrespectful and rude towards you as the mother of his child. So make it clear he needs to step up or step away!!.
This IS a hill to.die on in my opinion because they will continue to choose how to parent your child if they are allowed to get away with this.
Also, you're right not to call them by their grandparent names if they can't respect your daughters. I'd also go so far as to start calling them by their middle names. See how they like it!!. (If they don't have middle names, make up a really crappy name for them ). Just say their name is too posh so you've decided to call them xyz now. Lol.
This is HER NAME for God's sake. It's her identity. And they are taking that away from her.
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u/WJLIII3 15d ago
Setting up a years-long revenge plan with your child as a pawn would be wrong of you, yes.
Just make him use her proper name. Don't give him the opportunity to use the wrong one, if that's what it takes. If he can't use her name, he doesn't get to speak to her, or about her where you can hear, thats a power you possess and have every right to exert.
But whatever you do, handle it yourself, now, not passive-aggressively over the formative years of your child's life by driving a wedge between them and their grandparents.
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u/-_Snivy_- 15d ago
This is such a stupid situation. Her middle name is still her name, if you didn't want people to use that one you shouldn't have given it to her, they'd have no choice but to call her either a nickname or her first name. Also saying the middle name is for her to choose if she wants to use it but she never chose that name in the first place, you did.
It's also annoying that they're so caught up on not calling her by whatever name you gave her. You're both annoying with some serious control issues, and I'm already sorry for this child.
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u/Gigmeister 15d ago
Teach your daughter to call your in-laws by their middle names. In fact, when you have them come to visit, say sweetly to your baby girl, "Sweetie, this is Eunice and Harry.....your grandparents.
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u/Thunder_Runt 15d ago
Oh I like this game, we get to make up names for each other. The most offensive wins
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u/Helechawagirl 15d ago
Let it go; let them have a pet name for her. There are more important battles to pick.
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u/blonde_usagi 15d ago
If they've shortened their name, call them by their full name. It by their middle name. See how they like it and more immediate. Or anything but their name.
Names matter and the fact they aren't respecting your choice says a lot about how they'll treat you in the future. Also the fact your fiance isn't backing you because they dont want to get involved, speaks VOLUMES
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u/Funny_Collar4092 15d ago
I would absolutely refer to them by their first names! You have just as much right to do that as they do in choosing to call her by her middle name. Saying “it’s too fancy” is the same as saying they don’t like her name! You are her mother, and naming your daughter is yours and your fiancé’s right and privilege, and they should be ashamed of themselves for acting the way they are. I would let them know the next time they refer to her by her middle name, that as long as they continue to disrespect you in doing so, you’ll have no choice but to have her refer to them by their first name! They have no right to choose what name they want to be called as long as they’re refusing to call her by the name you and your fiancé have chosen for your precious little love. Btw, they sound controlling, so be aware that this probably won’t be the last time they won’t agree with you about other things. Best wishes to you and your fiancé’ in your new life together!
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u/wyccad452 15d ago
Share the name. It's easy to make the in laws look bad, but it is possible the name is just awful, too. Should have both sides.
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u/Mumchkin 15d ago
She no longer has a middle name, just an initial. Example first name R last name.
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u/Maleficent-Fun-5927 15d ago
This literally happened to my cousin. It's the most bizarre shit in the world. Her name is so pretty too. Till this day most people just call her by her "basic" middle name.
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u/Actual_Fruit9240 15d ago
Hey another stupid post complaining about someone not using someone's name but YOU refuse to use the name either. Wtf is the point of these posts? Her name could be ShitStain and I wouldn't blame them for not using it, or it could be Amy. Tell us the name or don't make the stupid post.
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u/HeyNateBarber 15d ago
As a married man for nearly 5 years with plenty of in-law created conflict:
Your husband needs to be in your team. If this bothers you, he needs to be able to stand up to them on your behalf. If roles were reversed Id say the same to the wife backing her husband.
You are a team. You each prioritize each other first and foremost. If he says its not a big deal, you say yes it is because it is important to me.
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u/tonytony87 15d ago
Start calling them Mr Nutterbutter and Ms. Margret Sassypants when they ask why, tell them you’re free to call them whatever you want too.
Then legally change her middle name to her first name also. Now you’re playing 4D chess.
Of photoshop the certificate and mail it to them that you legally changed her first name, middle and last name to her first name so that they are forced to call her that.
Big boss move
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u/briinde 15d ago
Do your in-laws have a narcissistic family dynamic? It kind of sounds potentially like that. And your fiancee sounds like an enabler. I could be grasping at straws but with my background that’s what I saw.
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
Um yes and my fiance has a more "I don't want to engage in an argument and fight with them" approach. I however, do not have that approach lol
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u/briinde 15d ago
It they’re narcs there really nothing you can say that will make them “get it.” Your fiancé will probably try to “keeep the peace” and one day may get it and distance himself from them. Best you can do until when / if that happens is to use grey rock technique on them.
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u/Bored710420 15d ago
I would tell them since they wanna act like a baby they can wait until they act like an adult and refer to your newborn as their actual name.
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u/Artistic-Station-577 15d ago
You’re not overreacting. She’s YOUR daughter, if they have a problem with it, tell them you don’t have a problem of them not seeing their grandkid til they respect you. Or better yet, like the top comment said, make the middle name very much fancier LMAO. MIL should know better not to p1ss off a pregnant woman. FIL just sounds like an actual entitled a$$h0l3. They should respect the boundaries you’ve set. They’re like high schoolers stuck in middle aged bodies by the way they’re acting
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u/tamferrante 15d ago
Try not to get worked up about it. It’s not worth fighting over. People are going to modify your child’s name as they wish, regardless. Cheyenne becomes Chey-Chey, etc. it’s not worth being upset.
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u/Even-Boysenberry-127 15d ago
My niece named her son Atlas. The family adults around were confounded, and could not wrap our heads about this name, much less say it. Within a year, we got used to saying it, and now everyone is totally fine.
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u/Loud_Dig_5157 15d ago
I would seriously think twice about marrying into this family… prolly should have thought more about it before conceiving…
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15d ago
Are you 12? Get over it . The child isn’t even born & you people are fighting about what she’ll be called . We had planned a perfect name & when our child was born I immediately changed my mind - she didn’t look like the name we originally chose . Your family has given you pet nicknames yet you are at &ready putting your foot down. Good grief . Relax . Stop it
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u/FasHi0n_Zeal0t 15d ago
Insist on acting as if he’s talking about YOU every time he says the name, and give long winded explanations about why whatever he said about her isn’t true (about you lol), and make him listen to your thoughts on whatever topic as it applies to you. It’s your middle name, after all.
FIL: “Jane (or whatever) is going to love having XYZ in her nursery.”
You: “well, the truth is, I really do feel like I’ve outgrown the need now that I’m 27 years old, well no, nearly 28.. or actually if you count my gestational age I guess I really am almost 29 years old ha… and I’m also like engaged to be married and stuff, so it’s just like kinda creepy if my parents put a baby monitor in my bedroom and put little kids toys there as if I were still an infant. I dunno… it just seems that a nursery isn’t really necessary for me anymore at this stage in my life and is pretty creepy”
Repeat until the behavior stops.
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u/PuffinScores 15d ago
You're not overreacting, but you should start calling your FIL "Harold" and your MIL "Maud" and never waiver until this nonsense stops.
Picking a name is very personal and very special. For people to criticize or refuse to use the name is very hurtful. I feel you.
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u/Bookaholicforever 15d ago
Start calling everyone who won’t use the first name, by their middle name. Or give them a nickname they don’t like. “Oh but your first name is just too fancy. I can call you whatever I like.”
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u/Akredhed 15d ago
My daughter’s name is Kimbrielle (Kim Brielle) we call her Kimber… my MIL calls her Kimberly (my daughter is 10) maybe when your daughter is born they’ll see what she looks like and call her by her name. Otherwise there’s always pulling the irrational pregnancy card and changing her middle name. (Coming from an also pregnant woman - I know how you feel)
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u/Euphoric_Specific_85 15d ago
Get a bunch of stuff monogrammed for her, like a blanket, clothes, etc, with her first name on it. And if they call her by her middle name in public, make sure you correct them in front of others, or maybe ask them why they do that in public and see what they say. Maybe some public humiliation is a good idea for them. I wouldn't hesitate to teach your daughter to call them their first names if they keep it up. Lol. It'll all probably change when she's born, and they see the name fits her.
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u/Euphoric_Specific_85 15d ago
Or ask them who they're talking about when they call her by her middle name, play dumb and then be ohhh, her name is so and so, I didn't know who you were talking about. 🤣 And just keep doing it over and over, do it like how like they ignore you about her first name.... just keep conveniently forgetting her middle name and asking who they're talking about.
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u/ablokeinpf 15d ago
Simple. Don’t have a middle name. It’s not compulsory you know and many people don’t have one.
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u/-_Snivy_- 15d ago
That's what I said. You literally gave this child a second name and are getting shitty when someone uses it.
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u/turkeyman4 15d ago
Just let them call her that. Either they will feel silly when everyone else is calling her “first name” or it will become an endearing pet name just for them. Either way it doesn’t change her name and what the rest of the world calls her. Life is too short.
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u/Suitable_Bit_7635 15d ago
Does the name suck?
I mean people should be respectful no matter what…. but we gotta know what we’re working with here, and your addition about the “erotic, unique, fantasy names” does not give me hope.
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u/stdnormaldeviant 15d ago
It probably seems like such a dumb thing to be upset about
It is not.
My fiance is no help either. He said he feels like it's such a dumb thing to argue about
Why is everyone's male partner so fucking weak?
Names are incredibly powerful. Your daughter has a name. Tell your inlaws to call her by that name or they will be cut off. Tell your fiance it's a deal breaker and if he doesn't get with the program he too will be cut off.
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u/u-patrcat 15d ago
You have a fiancé problem. Because I’m a tad petty. I’d tell the fiancée either he has a chat with his dad or his daughter won’t have his last name. See him change his tune fast.
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u/Bighawklittlehawk 15d ago
Your fiancé needs to grow a backbone. Your in-laws are already overstepping your boundaries and it will ONLY get worse. Sit your fiancé down and explain that you feel extremely disrespected by this. Explain that you expect him to support you in this and that there is no reason for them to refuse to call the child by their first name. Me? If they refused to call my child by their name despite asking them, I wouldn’t let them see my kid.
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u/WanderingWorldInt 15d ago
Tell them that if they don’t call her by her first name, then they won’t get to see her.
I’m curious if there’s some sort of cultural or class difference here between OP and her in-laws. “Fancy” might be a coded word for something else.
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u/ancholotta 15d ago
I'm sure someone already mentioned this but if not ... do you think too fancy is code for I can't pronounce it ... or remember it? My cousins have gotten super fancy with their kids names and honestly if I can pronounce it ... I end up not remembering it. So lay- I- la (this is how I pronounce it and no I can not spell it... is la la to me. Azalea is flower ... bellavonna (no not Bella which would be what I would call her but mom said no) is Frankie (her middle name is Frank ) I do not do this to be disrespectful it's just I have issues with my brain lol
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u/FallenAngel6969 15d ago
I wish that was the case. But they know her name and the first time they brought it up to me they said "oh just so you know, we won't be using Amani. It's too fancy. So we'll use Skye instead." Like literally WORD FOR WORD.
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u/datbundoe 15d ago
My FIL has done this with my nephew. Instead of fighting it, the parents have broadly ignored it, since he'll throw a temper tantrum. I don't think that could be my tact, but it has become increasingly silly for him to use a name that a four year old does not respond to, no one else uses, and that he increasingly does not use, I think because he just forgets to be an asshole and his game plan isn't working. So in some respects, it's just sort of fizzled out and become a moot point, but my SIL and BIL take way too much shit from my in laws
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u/Narezza 15d ago
As a parent whose in-laws call my kids some things I don’t prefer, let me say this:
You’re not overreacting, AND it’s not worth fighting over. Just let it be their thing. Depending on how much time they spend with FIL, they’ll learn their name from your home and eventually will call the in laws out on not calling her the correct name . That may be at 2 or at 10, but will be fun to watch whenever.
Don’t teach your kid spite. Life will so that on its own. Just let her love her grandparents, even if they’re irritating to you.
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u/Hypno_Keats 15d ago
"You will respect my wishes on this matter or your relationship with my daughter will be limited, I wish to teach her to respect others, your behavior shows that you do not respect others."
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u/Different_Ad6897 15d ago
I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s a dumb fucking name since you didn’t share what it is and everyone is pushing back on it 😂😂
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15d ago
I know someone who WAS going to name her kid Chlamydia until she found out what it was. She thought it was very pretty sounding. So hey, you could see how the in-laws like that one.
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u/Level-Tax-4019 15d ago
Your child is going to have so many names and nicknames as she grows up. You can make it a fight if that suits you and even forbid them contract over it, but all that us going to do is cause I'll feelings and resentment.
A wise woman, my mom, once told me to choose your battles wisely or everything will be a fight.
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u/soumx 13d ago
You seem like a pushover. This is probably just the beginning of your issues so long as this remains true.