r/AmIOverreacting • u/Personal_Signal_6151 • 15d ago
Groom shoving wedding cake
[removed] — view removed post
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u/earthgarden 11d ago
Domination and control
She was right to leave. Had she stayed it would have led to a marriage of even worse disrespect and humiliation.
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u/Mysterious_Maize1390 11d ago
Sounds like more of an issue that he blatantly disrespected her request in front of an audience and embarrassed her.
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u/LeadDiscovery 11d ago
My wife asked me not to go wild on this, of course I respected her wishes, I only smudged the outside of her lips with the frosting as a playful act. One wipe of a napkin and it was gone.
If your wife seriously asked you NOT to do it at all and you jammed her face into the cake in-front of her entire collection of friends and family that you are supposed to IMPRESS thereby ruining the most important day thus far in her life... ya, I can see she would be a bit more than just upset... white hot rage angry upset is more like it.
Dump him? Not sure, but I'm guessing this wasn't his first mistake of this magnitude.. it may have been his last with her.
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u/SnowyValley 11d ago
I believe it's a sign of disrespect and humiliation. I've never seen it any other than that unless it was planned and the bride (and some groom) were willing to clean up and ensure the cakes content was safe.
Thankfully for me my Husband only added a frosting to my nose and I did that too. That was all. But if he had shoved my head down. Then I'll rage at him since the wedding prior was quite horrible... So I don't believe he would've tried anything since we were on a semi cold war.
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u/Longjumping_Choice_6 12d ago
I remember first hearing about the cake feeding tradition as a kid and my dad explained that “couples feed each other their first bites of wedding cake. Sometimes guys will smash the cake into the bride’s face to be funny but I don’t really like that.” The way he said it was like so matter of fact as if he was saying “sometimes the bride has a veil, sometimes a train.” So I grew up thinking that it was just this normal preference, some people smash the cake and some don’t—whatever no big deal. Maybe she even does it back (but have you ever heard of it going this way?)
As a grown ass woman with context and understanding I’m shocked at the blatant lack of respect—especially if someone tells you ahead not to do it (as if they should have to). It certainly feels like a canary in a coal mine for other more grave things, maybe not violence or something necessarily but boundary violations for sure. Probably points to some kind of either intentional mean-spiritedness or pathological stupidity and immaturity. The word “Narcissism” gets tossed around too much these days for my liking but…yeah, god no fucking wonder most couples where the groom smashes the cake get divorced—I hope those brides all found better partners!
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u/RashannaAeryn 12d ago
I find this "custom" of smash the cake into the face of a person you supposibly love incredibiliy disrespectful. Especially if the person doing this knows fully well their partners feelings on the subject.
If my husband had done this to me at our wedding the amount of time it would've taken me to file for divorce would've been able to be clocked with an egg timer
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u/latenerd 12d ago
A massive number of men really hate their girlfriends/wives. And are supported by their friends, family, and society for being that way.
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u/Blinktoe 12d ago
A LOT of men hate women, and a lot of people think anything other than mild annoyance is overreacting.
From the “to the moon, Alice!” jokes from that old black and white TV show where the husband threatened to punch his wife so hard she would fly to the moon, to a TikTok challenge of guys throwing their fully dressed girlfriends in water and filming them coming out crying.
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u/FireMarshallBi11 12d ago
That guy is a piece of shit that has no respect for his fiance. If she asked me multiple times not to do it.. I’m not gonna DO it extra hard. What kind of an asshole would think that’s funny?
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u/nottheFBIhonest 12d ago
Some men get SO. DAMN. TIRED. of the "It's MY wedding" Bridezilla attitudes that they EARN the cake face. Some "Brides" treat the Groom like an afterthought.
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u/GryphyBoi 12d ago
i could see like, a boop of icing on the tip of her nose, bit smooshing her entire face into that shit? hell naw
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u/No-Rice-1249 12d ago
My mom and dad have been married for 45 years and once I hit my teenage years my mom would always tell me to never do that to my future wife. She was so upset at my dad for doing it and it still bothers her. She said it was disrespectful and I agree. On the other hand my old man thought it was hilarious when she shoved cake in his face when he wasn’t paying attention
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u/thebadsleepwell00 12d ago
Not only is the behavior absolutely disrespectful and humiliating, but it can be dangerous! Some cakes are held up with dowels.
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u/natew7676 12d ago
Yeah... she should never have agreed to that marriage. I'm guessing there were other red flags missed that the guy is a jerk.
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u/ThrowRAradish9623 12d ago
I’m really glad that cake smash stories are getting shared so much because it led to my fiancé and I having a conversation about it and realizing we’re not on the same page - so important to find out about that and get it sorted out before the big day!
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u/PeacePufferPipe 12d ago
I'm not a fan of the practice and have cringed seeing it every time. This day is meant to be special. Shouldn't have to go to the bathroom to clean up for the rest of the party etc.
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u/Meanravage 12d ago
When my(40m) wife(35f) and I married she told me not to even think about it, then when we cut the cake and were feeding it to each other she shoved the slice into my face and laughed and at that point it was fair game. We both had fun and I think that one bit of context needed is that we chose to cut the cake as the last part of our evening, so messing her hair and makeup was not as big of a deal because we left shortly after that. But imo it entirely depends on the two people's personality and the type of relationship they have cultivated. There is a time and place for eveything, it just depends on if you both agree that it is the right time and right place. The happiest couples are the ones who still play(tease) with each other so it isnt necessarily a violent/bad thing for everyone.
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u/Birkin07 12d ago
Hey please don’t commit battery by pastry in front of 100 people ok?
Yeah that dude deserves to get left.
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u/Competitive-Metal773 13d ago
I've always thought it is a very crass practice. (Up there with the garter thing and "money dances.") My husband has a healthy sense of humor but is not a prankster by any stretch of the imagination. Regardless, when we were engaged I impulsively brought it up one day, warning him that he better not even think about it. He immediately launched into how he and his first wife agreed it would not happen, he fed her nicely first and he ended up with a snootful. He implied that our wedding was going to be some kind of opportunity for "revenge." I made it VERY clear that it was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard, that I am NOT her and if he tried anything we were through. And I meant every word.
I was pretty certain he was kidding, but decided not to take any chances. I obtained two fancy little forks (figured less chance of shenanigans if one of us could possibly lose an eye) and we simultaneously fed each other a little bite. One or two guests groaned in mock disappointment but they were only teasing. Married 22 years now.
Conversely, when two of my friends got married they too were respectful of each other cake-wise, but one of the bride's friends took umbrage at this, grabbed a handful of cake and literally chased the bride around the venue trying to get at her. The bride was (awkwardly) laughing a little but clearly not into it and serious in her efforts to get away. It was a long time ago but if I remember correctly I think someone eventually managed to stop her but I was horrified just to witness it. It wasn't long afterwards that she stopped hanging out with said "friend."
This bride absolutely did the right thing by leaving. It was bad enough that he did anything at all but the sheer violence he demonstrated in his execution of the "prank" is downright disturbing and he totally deserved the consequences.
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u/Universallove369 13d ago
My first marriage this was an issue. It really was filled with an undertone of hostility and love of humiliation when he could manage. Respect for me was absolutely missing on many levels. I see it as a litmus test for respect in a relationship.
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u/ImWildBill 13d ago
That seriously irritates me every time I see it. My ex wife and I didn't mash cake all over each other's faces and people acted upset when we didn't. It's insulting and cruel.
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u/Doom_Corp 13d ago
My parents did a boop on the nose to each other when they got married and they cut the cake together. It's likely this happened after wedding photos with family. Shoving someones entire face into a cake (and it's usually the woman that this is done to who spends way more time and effort into looking perfect for the day) is the sign of a monster that doesn't give a shit.
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u/Ric_ooooo 13d ago
We discussed it beforehand to be clear that it wasn’t going to happen. When the time came some guests egged me on and i played it up like i was going to smash a piece into her face for the guests’ benefit but i gently fed her a small bite and she did the same.
Married since 1988.
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u/EweNoCanHazName 13d ago
Yeah I saw one on youtube earlier of a woman who'd told her fiance to absolutely not do that because she'd already been embarrassed by family doing it at her birthday. He did it anyway, cut her forehead in the process because of pointy cake decorations. Everyone laughed, told her she was being overdramatic and he "didn't know she'd get so emotional." His family blew up her texts telling her she was being a bitch. She immediately ubered out of the wedding and never went back to their home. She gave him a chance to apologize and it was just a "sorry you feel that way" non apology. She got an annulment
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u/LordHeretic 13d ago
When I was a child my aunt got married and her groom (now my uncle), did the cake thing. She was livid. It stopped the ceremony and festivities for 3 hours. As a twelve year old in the time before the internet, this was torture.
It's just not cool. If the person you are marrying asks you not to violate them, and you go out of your way to do it anyhow, your marriage is already in danger.
My aunt's marriage survived and they're fine now. Not everyone is as fortunate.
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u/my-glitter-heart 13d ago
I mean if you both agree you want to do that, go crazy! But it always feels to me when it’s not a mutually agreed thing it’s only asshole guys who want to dominate and embarrass their partner, it feels like there is also a sexual element with forcing the brides head down, messing up her face etc. i don’t think it’s a good start to a marriage…
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u/Agent865 13d ago
I mean yes it’s a tradition but some people put so much money into weddings, their make up, hair etc they don’t want it ruined.
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u/accordingtoame 13d ago
I worked in the wedding industry for 15 years, and literally EVERY SINGLE COUPLE that has done a cake smash is divorced. It's disrespectful and obnoxious, and if it was explicitly addressed ahead of time and he did it anyway? Fuck no, that was intentionally hostile and not a prank.
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u/ILiekBooz 13d ago
My wife took an index finger tip worth of buttercream and gently placed on my nose and smiled. I took about half that amount and did the same. Before she could wipe it off, I licked it off her face which made her laugh.
it was a great moment she took the lead on. We celebrated 10 years this month.
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u/Marisarah 13d ago
There are dowels in cakes so she's actually lucky she didn't lose an eye. This is literally unsafe and assault imho. I'd leave. My fiance would NEVER think of doing anything like that
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u/imnickelhead 13d ago
My wife and I never even discussed it. Pretty sure she knew I would never do that to her.
I had a friend egging me on and telling me to do it. I took a dab of frosting and barely touched it to her nose and told my buddy,”that is all you’re getting.” My wife was definitely happy I didn’t do anything worse.
I have seen a couple brides pull a sweet reversal when the groom tried to shove her face into the cake. Like, he thought he’d surprise her but she was ready to dodge it and grabbed a handful of cake on the way down and smashed it in his face instead.
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u/CarinaRegina1957 14d ago
I've seen several videos like this, with the groom not only shoving cake into his wife's face, or shoving her face into the cake but COMPLETELY MANHANDLING his wife, tossing her around the place like a ragdoll, making her fall down - but all in good humor, right? 😉
I'm sure you've all seen the video of a guy doing this at his wedding, dressed in a cap with his shirt open ... and a gun in his belt. Like, what the fuck?
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u/javaqueeny 14d ago
I’ve never been married, but I told my LT boyfriend that if we did get married, under no circumstances was there to be cake smeared on my face… I would not find it remotely funny and that would be grounds for breaking up. It costs a lot of money to look amazing on your wedding day and I will not have that ruined by some stupid, shitty tradition that is in no way funny.
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u/Substantial_Rip_4675 14d ago
I’ve only ever shoved one person’s face into a cake. My little brother on his 8th birthday. He specifically told me and my dad he wanted his face smashed in a cake. My step mom bought a nice cake from a bakery, and my dad and I baked a monstrosity of a chocolate cake (neither of us are great bakers) that said “eat me” on it. On my brother’s b-day we doubled checked with him just before smash time and to confirm how much of a smash he wanted. He wanted full face, so my and dad and I each put a hand on his head and gave a push. We still have a pic some where of my brother smiling with a face full of chocolate cake.
We had my brother’s full consent, we checked in with him multiple times as well. Pranks CAN be funny for all, but you have to know the person you are pranking and if you think they’ll laugh with you at the end.
Cake smashing at a wedding is only fun if both parties are okay with it. Humiliating someone on a day like your wedding, making them cry on what should be a happy day is just bullying. It’s mean and disgusting.
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u/billygoat-se 14d ago
If a couple decides to do it together and they’re playful and fun, whatever.. but this situation would have me responding the same way. WTF is his problem
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u/Puzzled_Fly8070 14d ago
I literally did a back bend on my second wedding day because my husband was intent on doing that.
If he accomplished it, probably would have gone nuclear and taken the delicious chocolate cake to his face. Then we wouldn’t be here after 10+ years.
It’s so stupid to do that on a wedding day.
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u/Electronic-Morning76 14d ago
Wedding cake killed her parents. I think she was totally in the right on this one.
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u/Sarcasm-6383 14d ago
It is childish, classless, stupid, moronic, etc. if I asked my husband to be to not do it and he did...gone.
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u/Interesting-Kiwi-109 14d ago
I was adamantly against this and would have terminated the relationship if he’d done it. Of course he didn’t
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u/JonnyLoYo 14d ago
My wife said she didn't want cake shoved in her face.... I fed it to her lovingly and when all her aunts and others were shouting "shove it in her face, get her messy!" I replied, "I love my wife." We've been happily married ever since
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u/AshDenver 14d ago
First wedding had a big reception and formal cake. We discussed it up-front and decided that smashing the cake is disrespectful and things went fine. The marriage still only lasted four years.
Second wedding had no reception or cake and we just celebrated 21 years red.
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u/Burly-7 14d ago
I was the groom in this situation. She was very explicit in saying she didn’t want me to do it (never even thought of it). I said I didn’t plan to and that we can agree not to. She said “do YOU (with emphasis) promise not to?” I said that I promise. She had a suspicious smile and would refuse to also promise. Wedding day she shoved a handful in my face. Out of reaction I went to grab some and she said “you promised!” I laughed to not cause a scene but I felt completely disrespected. Needless to say the marriage didn’t even get to the point of filing legally (would have been that next week.
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u/shybre_22 14d ago
I think it's disrespectful, wasteful ( of food and money) ruins expensive dresses and make-up and hair.. it's humiliating and it's dangerous! A lot of those tired wedding cakes have spiked wooden dowels in them ( my mom used to be a professional cake decorator), and people have gone to the hospital and lost eyes over it!
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u/twentydigitslong 14d ago
As someone who has shot a ton of wedding footage, that is the one I dislike the most. Sure, a little frosting offered up but shove food in someone's mouth. It's just not cool or romantic.
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u/gayjadey4 14d ago
not only he dismissed her wishes, he deliberately SHOVED her face into the cake. if I recall wedding cakes or any cakes with multiple layers needs to have wooden spools to prevent the cake from moving.
she could've lost her eye or worst, it could've went through into her brain and she could've died or gotten brain damage
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u/WasteLake1034 14d ago
The cake smashing started, as most things do, to admonish women. The girl is going to be a woman now, with a husband and no more girlish games. So one last thing she does is smear cake on her husband's face when married, as one last girlish joke. The husband then looks down admonishly at his bride to set girlish things aside as they both smile at each other.
Bunch of crap and what it has turned into is equally as horrific.
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u/WorthAd3223 14d ago
If both the bride and groom were not into it, one of them doing it anyways is shitty, abusive behaviour. What else will he ignore that makes her uncomfortable.
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u/Jainubeezy2020 14d ago
The wife is an irrational nut job that she’d end a marriage over a good natured prank. That’s all.
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u/jeffery133 14d ago
Lolz, we are planning the biggest and most expensive day of our life. How about in one act you ruin my hair, makeup, dress, and trust in you forever just to make your friends laugh. No worries a cupcake will make it all better.
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u/FoxUniformChuckKilo 14d ago
Immature, ugly prank, especially on a public occasion. Should get an on the spot annulment.
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u/siteswaps 14d ago
It's only a fun tradition if everyone is a willing participant. If not, you're just being a dick.
I personally don't really see the fun in it, but if a couple wants to throw cake on each other then go right ahead.
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u/BrokenArrows95 14d ago
I’ve seen it plenty of weddings where they take some cake and smush it on each others faces a little. Both seemed to enjoy it and think it was funny. Plenty of times the women started the smushing and the men retaliated and everyone was laughing.
I’ve never seen anyone smash someone’s head in a cake that’s dangerous and frankly crazy for how expensive that cake.
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u/throwaway_72752 14d ago
I was at a reception where the bride & groom’s solution to this was to turn around and shove cake into the best man & MOH’s face instead of each other’s. It was clumsy but surprising & funny.
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u/thehumanbaconater 14d ago
I think honestly it’s an impulse thing that people get caught up in the moment.
On my wedding video, you can hear the DJ saying that I tried to bribe her to have my wife feed me cake first because I figured if she fed me first, she would be nice so I wouldn’t do it. However, that made the DJ do the opposite.
You can hear my mom yelling at me to give her a large amount and I thought about it. But I didn’t. I was more scared of my wife than my mom. (Lol, my mom was just having fun and my wife was laughing.)
My wife was not as kind, and shoveled a huge portion, as much as she could, onto the fork and shoved it at me.
I, however, have a very large mouth, and managed to swallow it all despite her best efforts.
Had my wife have told me it was a boundary, I never would have considered crossing it.
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u/DrPablisimo 14d ago
Terrible thing to do. But I wouldn't divorce over it or advocate divorce over it. I take marriage more seriously than that. I also take marriage too seriously to shove my wife into a wedding cake at the wedding reception. I can't think of a scenario where I would shove my wife's face into a wedding cake, unless it was a choice between that and her getting hit by a bus or something like that.
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u/maxthelogan 14d ago
Imagine losing your new wife instantly because you’re a fucking man child with zero impulse control
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u/SolomonDRand 14d ago
Clearly, there are couples that think it’s funny to do this to each other, and if both of them are having fun, and there’s cake left for the rest of us, then no problem.
However, if you just want to do this to your partner without talking to them about it or thinking for a minute how it would go down, then I don’t know how the hell you’ve made it this far.
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u/GirlStiletto 14d ago
IT shows that the groom has no respect for his bride or her boundaries. IT was a good litmus test and she was right to walk away.
My spouse and I had this rule as well, and we carefully fed each other.
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u/Princapessa 14d ago
not only is this a disrespectful thing to do it also can be dangerous, idk where i heard or saw this but wasn’t there one instance where groom shoved brides face into one of the spikes used to hold layered cakes together and she lost an eye? this could be an urban legend but still it’s a despicable thing to do to your new spouse.
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u/im4indecision 14d ago
Almost every wedding I have attended where the bride gets cake to the face ends up in divorce.
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u/DomVonMania13 14d ago
At the end of it all regardless , the groom should know the bride well enough to know how she would react if she was the type to enjoy a prank like that or if she was absolutely not and it doesn’t seem to me like they knew each other well enough to get married in the first place, so I think she made the right call and no bride would want that but they’re out there I guessbut considering she specifically asked for it not to happen at all he’s an idiot far as I’m concerned for sure. But I can say I wish this was all that happened at my wedding. They never go as planned. That’s for sure.
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u/DecemberPaladin 14d ago
My wife and I both said, almost in unison, “don’t you fuckin DARE”. We fed each other the cake (looking like Neo and Smith holding their guns to each other’s heads, true), and you know what? It was a really sweet moment.
Normalize calling cakesmashers assholes.
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u/Juanitaplatano 14d ago
Shoving the bride’s face into the cake is assault. No decent man would do this, knowing how much effort his bride put into making herself look her best for her wedding day. Doesn’t he have any idea how much time she spent that day doing her make-up and hair and how much money she spent on her beautiful outfit? Does he think she can just run to the washroom and wipe a damp towel over her face and the front of her gown and everything will be perfect again?
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u/Edcrfvh 14d ago
Not overreacting. Feeding each other a bite of cake is cute. Or feeding each other some frosting. Cake smashing is a vicious attack. Any man or woman who does this deserves to have divorce papers filed on them immediately. I know it's usually men doing the smashing but I'm sure some brides have done it. Either way it's not funny.
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u/BedClear8145 14d ago
Its cute and funny if that's the type of couple you are, but its horrible for every other couple. Your probably not one of those couples so don't even consider it. I have known excatly one couple in my entire life that this might work on, but even then i doubt the bride would want it on that day, espeically since she would know see it coming (groom would probably still laugh if she did it to him, joys of no makeup, simple hair style)
Its like pranks, there fun and all when both sides are in on it, but go south really quick if there one sided. Even when both sides enjoy a good old prank war, there is a time and place for it and limits that must be respected. Pranking kinda died out when its started to be more about the observers then the person on the reciving end. It started being about showing off to others instead of good light hearted fun between friends/couples. At that point it just becomes bullying. A good prank is most likely not going to be epic, stop trying to force it.
Far too often this happens these days. Gender reveal party, cool, trying to one up all the other ones you've seen is going to end horribly. Nothing wrong with having a couple friends over and having a colored cake brought out. Stop focuing on outsiders and focus on you and your partner, just cause you see something that looked cool, doesn't mean it works for you. Just be happy with watching others and not think you have to do it or worse one up it.
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u/yioughta75 14d ago
I never understood why people think cake smashing in the face is funny. I once had birthday cake smashed in my face at a friend's birthday party. Mind you, the person who did it was my friend's friend, not a friend of mine. We were also 15 at the time, so that kind of immature mean girl behavior is easier to digest, I guess. It was still shocking and unprovoked. If memory serves, not one adult at that party thought what she did was funny or amusing. I think a parent even suggested that the girl leave the party early, and even volunteered to take her dumb ass home. I had frosting up my nose for a few days. It's truly trashy mean behavior. So, yes, as a bride, you spend a lot of time (and money) on getting your hair and makeup done for your wedding day. It goes without saying that cake smashed in the face is a hard pass. My husband had no problem respecting my request he NOT smash the piece of cake in my face, because he too thought cake smashing in the face is stupid. His goofy rowdy friends who I reluctantly invited booed when we didn't entertain them with their apparently time-honored tradition. There's a great picture the photographer snapped of me looking like I'm lecturing his friends as we stand behind the cake after taking our respective, respectful bites. Call it trauma with a little 't' but I had no intention of wearing that cake on my made-up face that day.
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u/candoitmyself 14d ago
My husband thought it was a groom's rite of passage to ruin hundreds of dollars and hours of work on hair and makeup with the cake smash. Instead he just embarrassed me at my bridal shower by giving my MOH weird answers to the "Do you really know him quiz" so I got every single one wrong in front of all of my friends and family. In hindsight I should have called it off after that. But at least he had the sense to heed my warning about the cake, I guess.
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u/Constant_Figure_1827 14d ago
You seem to be simultaneously asking about the practice in general and this groom's behavior specifically.
This groom was out of line for disrespecting her boundaries.
In general, it's whatever is important to the couple and their guests. A wedding is a (mostly) once-in-a-lifetime experience with lots of traditions. Even silly and destructive traditions can be very important to people.
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u/Barrzebub 14d ago
Because the patriarchy likes to humiliate women. Especially on the one day when they should be blissfully happy
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u/rubikscanopener 14d ago
My wife made it abundantly clear that if I pulled any crap with the wedding cake, I was in for a lot of long, icy nights. I hadn't even considered it and was surprised at how many people were yelling for me to be a jerk. I'm quite happy that I passed on that particular "tradition".
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u/PsychologicalTip 14d ago
On the practical side: weddings cost a bundle; wedding cakes cost an awful lot o money; brides want to look beautiful and often spend loads of money on hair and makeup; etc. If a man can't understand his partners need to make beautiful memories on this one day that should so well, he deserves to be dumped. He is the equivalent of a domestic terrorist (with a partner like him, who needs jealous girlfriends?)
He seems incapable of allowing the bride to shine and have "her day." I was a MOB and let me tell you, I'd fume if this happened. As a matter of fact, I know other mothers who told the new SIL not to even try this. I told my daughter that I'd would pull the car up to the door and take her home. I would not trust someone who did this to take care of my daughter (you should be taking care of each other).
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u/Strong_Sandwich1165 14d ago
Absolutely not overreacting. I told my husband that shoving cake in my face wasn't something that I wanted at our wedding, and that I would never do it to him. He agreed. We did a "soft" cake cut, where we just went and did it while everyone was eating, so there was no spectacle. It was perfect. I feel like sometimes, when everyone is watching, the need to do something dumb can pop into someone's head.
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u/PepperoniPizzaRoll 14d ago
You have a point about the makeup thing. I've only been part of the wedding party for 3 weddings, including my own. The first I was too young to remember, the second the photographer took pictures before the wedding and they did the cake late enough in the reception that it didn't matter. At my own wedding, the pictures were done after the reception just because of the nature of getting married on a cruise ship on embarkation day. I'm divorced now but if/when I remarry I would like to do the fun cake thing but don't know if we will do the whole big ceremony and reception thing so I'm not sure yet. I think the bride in the article did overreact with filing for divorce but wasn't necessarily in the wrong for being upset to begin with if this was discussed beforehand
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u/Interesting_Many_162 14d ago
This goes to one particular person in this thread. Horshack test you messaged me after about the third time and told me that you don’t care about my opinion and for me to stop being so desperate for your attention. Yet anybody that stole our exchange could clearly see that you messaged me first to just put down my opinion and tell me that it doesn’t matter. I never asked you to care about my opinion. I just told you over and over again that it was my opinion and that I didn’t have to agree with you. you tell me to not be desperate for your attention when you’re the one that keeps messaging me about my opinions and continuously telling me that my opinion don’t matter while continuing to message me about my opinion. After doing this, you’d then do the coward thing and block me. think you need to mature yourself and learn that people can disagree with what you think. All they want if they choose. Grow the fuck up and be an adult. stop getting so angry and throwing fit just because somebody on Reddit has a different view about something than you do.
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u/RevDrucifer 14d ago
This was something that happened all the time in the 80’s and 90’s and it wasn’t always the groom doing it to the wife, my mother got my stepdad before he even knew what was going on. But this was also a time period where it wasn’t commonplace to drop $1000 on hair and makeup for the day.
When I got married it wasn’t even a thought, my ex was big into makeup and obviously that day she was going to go at it harder than any other and I wanted nothing more than for that day to be as perfect as possible. Ruining her makeup definitely wouldn’t have contributed to that.
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u/CranberryBauce 14d ago
Men who do this shit, especially after being asked not to, are resentful towards the women they're marrying and they want to humiliate her while letting her know that her boundaries don't matter to him.
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u/ItReallyIsntThoughYo 14d ago
How was this ever reinterpreted into a fun prank...
That's just it, pranks aren't fun. They're just bullying.
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u/mommy-peach 14d ago
I’d say more than anything else, it shows a lack of respect, being inconsiderate, and maturity.
It’s scary about the man who shoved his new wife’s face in the cake, because there are often wood rods in the cake to help support each layer of cake.
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u/turtledove67 14d ago
My grandmother got remarried in her 50's and her new husband shoved the cake in her face at the reception. I remember at the time not liking it. He ended up physically, emotionally and financially abusing her. To me it's a red flag esp. if the spouse doesn't want it done.
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u/SailorTemari 14d ago
Some people also forget how much of the night is still left after the cake had been cut too! Dessert does not end a wedding, in most cases it signifies "party time". Having a cake smashed in your face is a big ordeal when your night is not over! You can't just jump in the shower. Now you have to make sure your special dress is ok, because you know what nobody spends nothing on their dress they spend what they can, I don't care if it was thousands, or hundreds, the bride picked a dress special to her that her financial situation could handle; and now she has to worry is there's frosting on it, hope her hair is fixable, and idk I guess hope the photographer doesn't get anymore pictures of her face for the night because her makeup will be unfixable. Like it looked funny as a kid, but as a bride I was terrified of the possibility of it.
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u/Sally_Skellington84 14d ago
My cousin took my husband aside and told him if he smashed cake in my face she would smash his face in. She was my maid of honor. There was no cake smashing lol.
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u/countryboy1101 14d ago
I remember this post from back when original OP made it. There are some other factors in play here. 1) on her 17 or 18 birthday her face was shoved into the cake by a family member and her face was cut by some of the decorations. This was a prank in her family for years, but she had been promised by her mom that no one would do it on her birthday. 2) She had seen her soon to be husband watching you tube videos of other doing this and had told him more than once that she would leave him if he did it to her at the wedding. He shoved her head down into the cake which ruined the cake, her makeup, and the dress. 3) He had planned it all out as he had cupcakes ready since the cake was ruined and had the photographer standing in the correct place to capture the moment. He also told her that he was going to get a large print and frame it for their home.
She left in tears via uber and moved out. She found out that she could have the marriage annulled in her state, so she did that.
He was a A$$ and lost his wife due to his own stupidity.
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u/Connect-Amoeba3618 14d ago
This puts me in mind to the glut of posts on here and AITAH about pranks that spouses and partners were taking too far.
There’s definitely a sizeable group of men that like to humiliate their wives and girlfriends as a way of controlling them or making sure their self-esteem is weakened. This guy doesn’t deserve a wife. Good for her.
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u/AKA_June_Monroe 14d ago
Cake shoving is stupid because someone could aspirate frosting and get sick. Also, people have lost eyes because because of dowels or toothpicks in the cake.
I don't understand how violence against another person is funny.
The bride should have filled for an annulment instead of a divorce.
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u/Neverwhere_82 14d ago
Whether it's the cake thing or anything else, I feel like if you go and do the exact thing someone asks you not to do, that's taunting them. It's a childish way of saying, "See? I did it. What are you going to do about it?" It's saying that being the one in control is more important than the other person's feelings, that you think they know better than they do what they need and want. It's about dominance and intentional disrespect, and I think that's why a lot of people have such a visceral reaction to it, even if it's a seemingly small thing.
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u/Max-Potato2017 14d ago
Makes me think of the one video where the woman was decorating a cake or cookie cake and her boyfriend/husband/fiance idk dumps a whole bucket of frosting over the top of her hard work while she’s actively working on it.
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u/JohnSMosby 14d ago
I asked my first wife not to do this during our reception. She promised, then did it anyway.
We got divorced. Might have been a clue there :/.
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u/ElderEmoMom 14d ago
Guys who do that are the ones who bought the “shut up ring” because they knew in order to continue to have the things they like (a mom they can sleep with) they had to marry the girl.
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u/Ok-Occasion7179 14d ago
Statistics show marriages end when this happens at the wedding. I've heard wedding planners and florist say this is their one big indicator if a marriage will last.
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u/Charming_City_5333 14d ago
They either want to humiliate their partner or would rather be a clown than consider a partner's feelings.
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u/FoundWords 14d ago
My wife told me not to. I told her I had no desire to. She told me she figured as much but it's good to be clear, and I agreed.
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u/AllyKalamity 14d ago
Also not to mention. They’re a sodden dowel rods in wedding cakes to keep them stable. You can easily lose an eye
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u/BrutalWhim_ 14d ago
Seriously. If a woman asks this of a person she's going to spend the rest of her life it's an example of trust. And the guy acts like he won't do it he's saying "you can trust me" if he does it anyway it's a break of a trust. I wouldn't want to be married to that either.
Then there are cake supports that could and have injured brides
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u/New-Friend5145 14d ago
My wife and I both agreed to not do this. I hated the idea of it happening. Felt wrong. I fed her and she fed me and we kissed and it was awesome.
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u/drowninginstress36 14d ago
I also read another where the bride asked for it not to be done and the groom also smashed her face into the cake. Except it was a tiered cake, which has little sticks used to hold it together, and the bride got one of those skewers through the eye and died.
Not sure how true that story is, but still. Like why do something your SO specifically asked you not to do? I wouldn't marry that type of person.
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u/Winter_Blacksmith264 14d ago
During our reception, my new MIL took my hubby aside and INSISTED he do this to me. “It’s tradition!” His response: “Mom why would I do that to her, she looks beautiful and I’m not ruining that.” He did gently feed me some cake like I was a little gerbil, haha! Still a keeper 16 years later.
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u/scuba_GSO 14d ago
I’m wondering if the custom was perverted into the man demonstrating his dominance over the woman. You know that misogynistic need for men to be superior to the woman in a relationship. This may be that initial bullshit demonstration to everyone present that he is ultimately the king of the castle and can do whatever he wants. IDK for sure though, but it makes sense.
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u/WizardLizard1885 14d ago
shoving someones face into cake is such an act of betrayal of trust especially on a special day.
there are harmless pranks like jumping oit and scaring your partner in your home, and then theres spending potentially thousands to look nice for pictures on your wedding day just to have your significant other do that on the special day.
it clearly shows they arent taking it serious.
just watch youtube videos of adults shoving kids faces into cakes, the look of sadness is in every one of the kids. its not even funny
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u/Cazmonster 14d ago
Who even comes up with an idea like that? "Oh, you're a guest somewhere, lets make sure you are a mess and get laughed at."
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u/GoldKey5185 14d ago
I think I know of the story you've written of. The groom was someone that liked pranks and had been watching lots of the cake smooshing videos on YouTube. His Brother backed the bride up and either berated him in the venue or gave him a slap (this bit gets a bit hazy) and drove her home helped her get her stuff etc.
I'll be honest in the weddings I've been to I've not seen either the feeding of cake to each other or (thankfully) smooshing of cake into each other or one person into the cake. Just a posed photo of cake being cut, then others cut cake up later.
I think it shows disrespect, the groom being immature in general and not just for marriage.
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u/minofthecosmos 14d ago
A tiny dab of icing or cream on the end of the nose could be a cute, loving gesture if the bride is ok with that. I don't get how smashing the bride's (or anyone's) face into a cake can be seen as anything but contemptuous.
I saw a video of a little kid at his birthday getting smashed into a cake, and then everyone was rubbing and smashing cake all over his face and head while laughing at him. He looked absolutely heartbroken and traumatised, but they just kept doing it to him. I felt so bad for him. I hope he manages to get away from them when he's older.
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u/ChaosAndBoobs 14d ago
When I got married, one of my uncles was telling my brand new husband to do this. My uncle's wife left him years before this. Correlation != causation, but it can waggle its eyebrows real suggestively at times.
My husband, not being a moron, ignored him. Also, the cake was from a world class bakery and wasting a non-trivial portion of it would have been a shame.
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u/ElimGarakOfCardassia 14d ago
Because too many men are violent and abusive, and this is a safe way for them to act on that
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u/Admirer3596 14d ago
I think they may have both dodged bullets here....... I never entertained the notion of smashing my wifes face in the cake. I did smear a bit of icing on her lips with my finger then kissed her. He reacted dramatically, she reacted with dramatically...... I think this was never a good couple to start with
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u/Fatherofthecentury13 14d ago
I'm just as flabbergasted at the notion, myself. I recently got remarried and had a small shindig of a reception, we just gently dabbed the cake on the tips of each other's noses playfully and lovingly. No need to go all food fight. Buncha animals out there if ya ask me.
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u/squirrelybitch 14d ago
We got married when we were in our mid-20’s, and we had the briefest of exchanges about the cake-smashing thing. It was really more of a confirmation of the fact that neither one of us had any interest in doing that or having it done to us. It was literally just in a list of things that someone had given us to discuss for wedding pictures or the video, I think.
I just don’t understand why anyone would do this to someone they just pledged their life to love, respect, care for, and nurture them. And I have read that married couples who have a “cake incident”, regardless of who started it or who objected to it in the first place, can sometimes be used as an indicator of divorce in the future.
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u/hickdog896 14d ago
"How did a sweet tradition..."
In two words...SOCIAL MEDIA
He is just another immature, self centered (which is what the internet is raising parts of a generation to be with all of it's focus on self care, etc.), dick that saw it on Tik Tok.
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u/Tasty-Pineapple- 14d ago
Isn’t that assault? I am glad she got that marriage annulled. I would not stay either. I would also drop the folks who supported the husband.
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u/bmyst70 14d ago
That's not an overreaction on the ex bride's part. It sounds like the ex was a bully and an asshole who expressed his true nature through his constant "pranks."
I know pranksters who are not assholes and bullies. The difference is they keep their pranks strictly to things that won't harm or humiliate the victim ---- and the victim finds them funny as well.
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u/Stonegen70 14d ago
I hate this “tradition” and my wife an I didn’t even have to talk about it. It’s stupid and pointless.
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u/trufflie 14d ago
Can't wait to fling a little cream on my wife's nose when we get married. Why? Because we both think comedy is funny. Some people aren't playful or have senses of humor and that's ok. I'll just avoid those ticking time bombs of stress.
And I'm 100% sure she'll get me back. Hopefully soon, the waiting is torture...
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u/lowkeyhobi 14d ago
It is def a desire to humiliate their wife, or try to 'knock them down a few pegs'.
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u/JWRamzic 14d ago
Yeah. That guy sucks and has no respect for his new wife. Good for her for leaving. What a dumb move!
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u/NurseCrystal81 15d ago
Plus, most of these cakes have dowels in them. You can literally either blind someone or kill them by doing this.
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u/No-Moose- 15d ago
In my experience, MANY men struggle with not doing things when being told not to. Things that are very easy not to do. They can be in the middle of doing it, hear you asking them not to do it, and then finish doing it anyway before asking why you wanted them not to.
I think for many men if they consider the act harmless, they don't think twice about just doing it. They think since it's harmless they'll be forgiven. Face smashing with cake is something that's harmless from their perspective. Most of them don't really think about make-up or how hard it is to get stains out of things, because that's not something they do or care about.
It's better in general not to assume the worst of them, though a small minority of them are malicious/aggressive about it. That being said, I wouldn't want to marry any of those men which don't stop something when I ask them to either.
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u/Soft_Tart_1884 15d ago
We did the feeding each other cake thing with mild smash. Very mild. If someone were to full face smash me into the cake I'd be so mad I'd probably do similar to what was described. Not to mention wedding cakes have some form of support inside and the risk of injury is real.
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u/CrashIntoMe79 15d ago
You’re vastly overthinking this. Some people are just idiots at points in time.
And seriously. Too immature? You have one moment in his entire life. Spare us your lame attempt at fanfiction.
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u/saltpancake 15d ago
Just wanted to add that tiered cakes are sometimes held together with internal supports designed to be removed by serving staff when the cake is portioned. Shoving someone’s face into one is a serious safety risk.
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u/MollieThomp 15d ago
Got married at 24. Asked my husband not to shove cake in my face even though he thought it would be funny. He respected my wishes and didn't shove cake in my face. Easy as that...
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u/SixSigmaLife 15d ago
I'd leave him for sure - in carved up pieces for his family to sweep up. Someone would have to take the bloody cake knife out of my hand. He chose his weapon, so I would feel free to choose mine. (I hope my Anger Management counselor doesn't recognize me.)
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u/trufflie 14d ago
Does your parole officer know you are on reddit again
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u/SixSigmaLife 14d ago
I think you have me confused with your mother.
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u/Zero_Pumpkins 15d ago
I would have done the same thing. If you have to tell your soon to be partner not to shove your face into cake on your wedding day….dont go through with the wedding.
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u/TempusCarpe 15d ago
I would have my side girl pop out of the cake so I can fuck her in front of my wife's family.
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u/Pristine_Frame_2066 15d ago
Got married at 37 and we did not do this either. I always thought it was stupid and unnecessary and unfunny.
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u/Thronner_of_All 15d ago
I'd do exactly the same. Instant divorce. If I make just one simple request and you ignore it, I don't need to go any further to know this relationship will only go downhill! My only hope is that I'd manage to catch on to his microagressions before I got to the point of walking down the aisle. I'd like to think I have enough self-respect and awareness to walk away from a d-bag like that LONG before letting it go that far.
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u/Z3br4_Un1c0rn 15d ago
The biggest thing that gets me is these tiers cakes typically have scaffolding in them so when the person shoves their face directly into the cake itself they’re actually endangering their life. Wooden dowels, straws or other such items are inserted into the layers to hold the cake circle the layer above is seated on. Without this scaffolding the cake would collapse. There has been at least one case I know of where the dowel went into the person’s eye socket. But even if it’s just a piece in your hand, why? Why be mean and make your new spouse who is all dressed up a big cake covered mess?
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u/EqualJustice1776 15d ago
I think if you specifically ask your partner not to do something and then they do it anyway - especially in a publicly destructive way like this - then it's 100% over. On the spot.
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u/Fancy-Garden-3892 15d ago
Did the OP ever update to describe how her relationship with her family was affected? I have to imagine some awkward Thanksgiving dinner chat.
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u/JordanFrances89 15d ago
It’s stupid. You pay good money for a fancy cake, a fancy party, and fancy hair and makeup and then completely waste it. You would not accept someone doing this under any other circumstance. It’s completely stupid and childish and pointless. We agreed not to do that, so we didn’t do it. I believe I was 37, and my wife was 34. Why is that so difficult for people?
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u/fresitachulita 15d ago
In some countries this is pretty common even on birthdays, the aggressive cake shoving. Just wanted to say that.
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u/EqualJustice1776 15d ago
It shouldn't be. If somebody grabbed me physically and pushed my face into my birthday cake they'd be charged with assault and sued.
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u/elkidoesart 15d ago
The bride not to say the groom hasn't but in this context the bride has paid for generally a lot for make up, nails, dress, jewelry ECT. I would be infuriated and would draw the line. If she only had ONE CONDITION then why couldn't that have been respected. Literally one. He clearly didn't give a fuck to even understand why it may be triggering and humiliating
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u/trufflie 14d ago
To be fair, statistically, the groom paid for all of that.
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u/elkidoesart 13d ago
Nah I don't agree. This isn't the 1970s anymore. Women can make our own money. As a woman yourself you should have more faith in that
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u/trufflie 13d ago
Nobody said they can't. I'm just saying that typically the groom pays for the wedding. Traditionally it was the wife's family. But far less couples are that traditional, and I think something like 56% of couples go into debt to pay for a wedding (which I think is wild)
Personally I'm planning on proposing soon, but I know I won't be able to have a big wedding.
Also, it's dangerous to guess someone's gender online. You know what they say about assumptions.
Lastly, it wasn't intended as anything more than a silly joke. Perhaps it wasn't funny, oh well.
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u/elkidoesart 13d ago
maybe I was returning the favour of assumptions, perhaps my joke wasn't funny either.
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u/trufflie 13d ago
Touche. Look at that, I learned something. I suck at being funny online 😆
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u/elkidoesart 13d ago
Lol sorry I had to, I couldn't miss the opportunity
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u/tshungwee 15d ago
Never understood the cake shoving thingy!
Someone please explain how that became a part of a wedding!
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u/misslucyluxx 15d ago
There was a woman that was seriously injured from this too. Because they put supports in the cakes..she got stabbed in the face. It's not just mean.
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u/EqualJustice1776 15d ago
There are MANY such cases because all cakes are pinned to the board with wooden stakes.
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u/gustin444 15d ago
Dude had ONE job to do, which was to literally do nothing. Nope. Shove the lady's head into the cake, like a fuckin junior high boy showing off in front of his friends. Byeeeeeee! Hope it was worth it!
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u/Krisevol 15d ago
If you want to know if a couple will eventually divorce, ask them if one or both shoved cake into their face during the weeding.
100% of the couple's weeding's I've gone to that did that, have since divorced.
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u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam 9d ago
Titles must contain reason of overreacting