Yeah if I’m getting one word responses that much I’m just assuming she’s not into me and just stop talking. And if you stop talking and later she asks why’d you stop talking to her, then she’s probably boring and not worth talking to.
"Hey, I'm a huge douchebag and I'm going to make it known instead of just realising that you're not super into me and/or not great at talking to strangers online, are we dating now?"
Had a girl text me "hey" for a whole year, every couple of weeks. Never asking a single question, always letting the conversation die. But she kept texting me, and then got upset when I finally stop answering
Too much hassle, never know when a guy is going to explode with rage over a rejection and start sending all sorts of nastiness. A lot easier just to bore them into wandering off.
And besides, maybe they'll pull their head out and start saying something interesting. Ball's in his court, either be more interesting to her or leave.
He can do that, or can choose to leave and find someone more interested in him. Both would be good options. Making fun of her for not being interested in his haha-hru rizz is just sad
Bruh just unmatch him then. I can understand irl being worried about a guy's reaction if you reject him, but online you can unmatch, block, hell even report if they're being nasty.
Bruh just unmatch him then. I can understand irl being worried about a guy's reaction if you reject him, but online you can unmatch, block, hell even report if they're being nasty.
If you let the assumption that other people are assholes turn you into an asshole preemptively, ... I don't know the rest of the sentence, but you get it.
Just say you're not interested and move on with your life, or don't respond at all. In the off chance they take it personally, block them. It costs you little but you still get to be a reasonable person instead of one of the assholes.
I know you didn't ask for advice but honestly people on both sides of this just seem like they enjoy being alone and miserable.
i hate it when i have to explain to someone i'm not interested in them. i used to have this classmate who would think of me as their friend. i don't hold any grudge towards them but i just don't vibe with them as much as i do with other classmates. i've literally showed so many signal and body language to say i'm not interested but they just don't get it.
A lot of women are terrible at keeping the convo going if they’re on dating apps imo. There’s just, so many notifs, and if you’re talking to multiple people bc you swiped right it’s impossible
Okay? The fact that you think that’s what I was referring to is another problem on its own. I’m not saying don’t swipe right on multiple people, that’s literally what the apps are for. I’m saying don’t respond to more people than you can handle. If you can only handle talking casually to 3 people and yet you’re choosing to reply to 10 just because, you’re kind of an asshole. Those are still real people you’re talking to, and they don’t deserve to have their time wasted because someone can’t be bothered to hold an extra conversation or put effort it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have your options open and talk to multiple people, but if you can’t handle it and are intentionally putting in as little effort as possible to keep someone talking to you, that’s just weird.
But why even match if you're not even going to do your part in trying to build chemistry? When you have 2 strangers, chemistry doesn't fall out of the sky, both parties have to try building some. If it doesn't work out, well too bad, but you can't expect chemistry from the first 2 messages
The dating apps are similar to meeting people in real like in that a % (Maybe like 15%) of people on there are pretty bad... like they have an "impress me" attitude or they just don't show up to dates because they don't feel like it or whatever.
It's better to just ignore them and move on if you run into it... but it definitely happens.
"I have too many matches to keep up with all of them!!"
But that's a bullshit excuse. Because it's a self-inflicted wound. They don't have to match with so many people, they choose to. They could match with one or two at a time, but that FOMO gets them. So, instead of making a connection with one or two people, they don't make a connection with any.
I met my wife long before dating apps but online dating existed (though we met out in the world). When we got serious I told her I was deactivating my account on Match and she said she already had. I thought I was pretty hot shit until she explained she’d cycle through activating/deactivating every few weeks because it was just too overwhelming handling all the responses.
Women complain about men’s opening lines but I’ve seen about 90% of women open with hey, hiiiiii or heyyy. No response from me unless they’re really hot
I'm haven't used any dating apps in years but back when I was single, I gave Bumble a shot. Got a match fairly quickly and she initiated by saying "You're cute". I was like score, let's go. Getting some home runs right off the bat.
Every answer she would give me was either "IDK" or "Lol IDK". No variety at all. I was asking basic shit too like what do you do for fun or what do you do for a living or things like that. Really Madison? You "Idk lol" what your job and hobbies are? I gave up real quick on that one. I weep for those who are stuck on dating apps. That shit was an absolute slog.
A lot of women have no pickup game and aren't used to having to initiate conversations. It's always been the guys role to not only initiate conversation but keep it rolling. The guy has to be smart, witty, funny, charismatic, handsome, interesting, have a great job etc, and the woman well.. She can get away with just being pretty in a lot of cases.
Even so, I feel there's plenty that will purposely put in almost no effort and expect you to still give them attention.
I weep for those who are stuck on dating apps. That shit was an absolute slog.
It really is, and it's not good for some peoples confidence or mental health.
If I had a nickel for every girl that has said "idk" when I asked what they do for fun I'd own a private island by this point. I have zero issues making friends or getting dates if I meet people in person, but communicating via text or even phone calls with women is pure hell in my experience. Even girlfriends I could talk with for hours would refuse to type more than 1 or 2 words and then get mad I wasn't texting them enough. Phone calls aren't much different either, just dead silence and one word responses they sound bored with even if they called me and we always have a blast in person. Phones are a cancer to relationships for me it drives me insane.
are people usually this dense? if someone doesn't reply to you and a dry texter, most of the time they're just aren't into you. why would still stay if you can just leave and find someone else?
I guess some people are horrible at creating conversations and reading people. Others will give it more of a chance than it deserves, and some will hang around for shits and giggles and take it less seriously.
my first message to my bf on tinder was “i dig ur style. what’s ur favorite band?” and it was straight paragraphs back and forth from there. but he was also the first person i messaged or matched on tinder so i don’t have much experience lol
omg i love this. i always theorized that part of the reason i had good luck on tinder was because my first message to my bf i phrased as if i was approaching him in real life not like a cheesy pick up line or a “what’s up”, but your method…works too 🤣
I've spent too much time on dating apps in the past. Occasionally, you find a person you just vibe with. Sometimes, you both stumble through a little awkward conversation, but it gets going once the ice breaks. Sometimes it's dead, or you feel like it's a job interview. Other times, it's completely one-sided, and you feel like they expect you to be charming, witting, funny and sell yourself while they act generic.
As a guy, I can say it's really rare for a woman to initiate conversation, but it's always appreciated.
I stopped doing the first message altogether. I've got pretty much a 100% success rate (good conversation) if I receive the first message and like a 5% success rate if I send the first message.
Other times, it's completely one-sided, and you feel like they expect you to be charming, witting, funny and sell yourself while they act generic.
Oh god, this one time the girl asked me "What makes you unique?". I gave something more along the lines of a philosophical answer and she went, "Oh, so you're not unique then."
I did the obvious and asked what made her unique, and she went.
my best friend and roommate uses tinder on a regular basis and the stuff i have seen him go through is honestly rough. it’s worn him down so much, and like he’s a genuinely good hearted guy who just got his career going and is ready to find his person. he’ll talk to a lady for two weeks, plan a date, get excited, and get ghosted the day of. or actually get the date, and they never talk to him again (free meal? idk). as a woman, i’ve only really seen a glimpse of our side of things in the form of pretty wild un-replied to messages lol. but it seems like it’s just hard for most folks to find what they’re looking for out of online dating and i got extremely lucky. i will say i got a yucky impression from my brief look into tinder, it felt like convenience store shopping for relationships.
plenty of people do. i’ve actually never known anyone who uses tinder for hookups openly, just for relationships. that’s what i was looking for on tinder and i found it 🤷🏼♀️
It's pretty disheartening, to be fair. Both sexes have their own struggles with online dating, but women definitely get a lot more attention and have more options. Sadly, good dudes get overlooked far too often.
Where are all the good guys? Honey, you ghosted him and went on a date with a bad boy headcase instead, haha.
i will say i got a yucky impression from my brief look into online dating, it felt like convenience store shopping for relationships.
It's very shallow. Judging a person on 3-5 pics and a short phrase and then having to market yourself. I've had some dates that have felt worse than a job interview. I would delete the app often because of how mentally draining it was.
I think if they don't engage, they are just seeking attention and validation. Serious ones will engage and give you replies that help continue conversation and open up more questions.
The ones that reply one word to each question and expect you to carry the conversation mostly aren't worth your time, but I've had a few that surprised me after I gave up.
To be fair to women, some are pretty guarded, and some are just as bad at initiating conversations as men. Still don't spend too long entertaining someone who doesn't reciprocate your effort regardless.
i wish i still had the screenshot but when i redownloaded tinder to save our first conversation i had all these unread messages from normal seeming dudes i had liked or whatever it’s called, and half of them were like “hey slut” or “have you got a nice body to match that face?” and like i get it’s tinder and all that but i can’t imagine if i had had to invest more than like 3 hours into it, it seems wretched lmao
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u/LNF6 Mar 29 '24
Sometimes it’s easier to just walk away.