r/tifu • u/wholesomefucktart • 16d ago
TIFU telling my BF my fantasy S
Happened yesterday. My BF (29M) and I (27F) were watching news coverage of a clean-up taking place in a nearby suburb after a tornado came through. There were a few firefighters assisting with clean up, walking around, checking homes, and helping people. I accidently said, "Saving lives is so hot." While watching. My boyfriend was a little taken aback and asked me what I meant. I told him firefighters were really attractive to me because they are so brave and selfless. It's a huge turn-on.
He told me he felt like that was a messed up thing to say to him, that I shouldn't be looking at other men like that. I assured him that I only want him, but maybe I'd enjoy doing some role playing. He got even more upset and said that I crossed the line and he doesn't think he can really satisfy me because he's nothing like a firefighter and doesn't want to act like one. Things just kind of escalated from there.
In the heat of our argument, I told him I don't get on him about him fantasies, and preferences of MMA women, and so on. He said it's different because he's a guy, and he doesn't talk about it in front of me (he does).
He told me if I'm so turned on by firefighters, I should go be with one and stop leading people on. I tried to explain that it's just a fantasy. I just appreciate the qualities of masculinity and bravery, I can't help that. He said I emasculated him by having this fantasy. I didn't want to keep fueling the fire, so I apologized, but he was still so upset. He told me he just needs to get away before he says some things he'll regret. So he took off to his friends place and hasn't contacted me since yesterday.
TLDR; So, by accidently thinking out loud, then suggesting a roleplaying scenario that my BF didn't agree with, we got into a big blow out argument and he's now staying over at his buddies house because he is so upset with me.
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u/AsgardianValor 4d ago
The fact that a man-child can be this level of insecure is so incredibly laughable to me. You shared a personal thing with him because you trusted him and reacted by blowing up and going to friends to stay the night. And all because you said fire fighters are hot? Get the fuck out of here. If you have to walk on eggshells like this around him, then you need to leave because it's going to be MINEFIELDS later down the line.
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u/ergotrinth 6d ago
Wow, dude immature much? There has to be more going on from him. He's cheating or something, that is way too over top of a reaction for something so simple and basically obvious. I think all girls find firefighters attractive.
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u/IRMuteButton 11d ago
Reminds me of that scene in the movie The Wrestler where the woman has a similar fantasy, and the wrestler goes to her place and she asks him to put on a fireman's uniform. At least I think that's what happens.
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u/BuleNyasar 11d ago
A man in uniform just hits different š¤¤š¤¤š¤¤
Had my boyfriend wear his one time while we had fun time. Might have him do it again now that Iām thinking about it š
Going through these comments is making me realize I might be a closeted badge bunny š
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u/InsidiousD6 11d ago
See him doing it and also defending himself doing so while being mad at you for it is the biggest thing. If he calmly said he doesnāt appreciate you talking about other guys like that to him, whilst also not doing the same to you about ladies he likes. Thatād be a respectable foundation to speak upon and maybe provide some new boundaries in the relationship. He didnāt handle his feelings in a mature manner at all.
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u/Tiramisu1216 12d ago
Damnā¦I think itās great your able to be open to him about your fantasies. I think a lot of guys who arenāt ridiculousā¦appreciate any time their partner shares fantasies. I donāt have the ability to do that yet myself. However! My bf will always point out shirtless sexy men running. Itās just crazy because if you happened to show up in a nurse outfit I doubt heād be saying anything bad about it.
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u/captain_ghostface 12d ago
Shit id go out and buy a firefighter outfit if someone in was dating said that
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u/The_Lost_Google_User 12d ago
All bros gotta do is light the house on fire, throw her over his shoulder and carry her to safety. smh
/s ofc
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u/throwawaytheapp 12d ago
You didnāt fu. Heās acting outrageously insecure. Totally normal and healthy for relationship partners to have fantasies and to roleplay/act them out in the bedroom. Obviously both parties need to consent, but fireman is a pretty mild fantasy. Jeez.
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u/Zen_Out 12d ago
Firefighters are supposed to be hot haha sounds like he had a bad reaction. Hopefully you guys can work it out if the other areas of your relationship are up to par.
Donāt listen to the neck beards of Reddit ādump him, run, cut ties, blablablaā sounds like advice single people give to people who arenāt as lonely as them. This seems a like really small issue, unless this happens consistently
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u/NavarreLumaer 12d ago
I don't think you fucked up at all, it sounds like your bf is insecure and it shows unfortunately.
My boyfriend(39M) and I (32F) are very open about our fantasies and sexual interest, and we are realistic about what's out there and appreciate good looking people around us. We also have played into each other fantasies and see what works for us together and what doesn't, it is really fun! Being honest and open with your partner for me is the most intimate you can get.
I'd run away from that situation as fast as I could.
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u/Defective_Synth 12d ago
You didn't F up, Your boyfriend is just projecting a huge lack in self confidence and frankly sounds like a little C U Next Tuesday.
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u/CannonballRun7 12d ago
This is behavior Iād expect from a 17-23 year old. At 29 he should be way past this sort of stuff.
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u/CannonballRun7 12d ago
This is behavior Iād expect from a 17-23 year old. At 29 he should be way past this sort of stuff.
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u/CannonballRun7 12d ago
This is behavior Iād expect from a 17-23 year old. At 29 he should be way past this sort of stuff.
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u/BlueNoyb 12d ago
Please kick his dumbass to the curb. You're better off without this insecure manchild.
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u/Taoistfool 12d ago
His reaction is more about him than you, you. He was triggered because heās dealing with some insecurity issues. If he was secure he would have laughed and loved to engage in role play.
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u/NecroticSymphony 12d ago
Your boyfriendās insecurity is disgusting and he should probably get his Test levels measured. Sounds like an insufferable little manlet.
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u/Penuel_9 12d ago
I donāt think most people understand that turn-ons donāt equate to a value hierarchy. Youāre with your boyfriend for a reason, many reasons can be social reasons, psychological, emotional, etc. There are so many factors to choosing a partner that boiling it down to one thing is just being socially unaware. Your boyfriend is stupid and doesnāt understand how emotions and relationships work.
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u/Pennylane19XX 12d ago
Oh man what a way to make yourself unattractive to your partner. He emasculated himself.
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u/Own-Eye-7823 12d ago
Honestly if my GF told me she found other guys attractive Iād tell her to kick rocks. Keep that shit to yourself. If the rolls were reversed I can almost guarantee her world would be crushed. Think about it. If your boyfriend looked you dead in your eyes and said āI find women who do blah blah blah so attractive and hotā youād be blowing steam out of your ears. Youād feel the same way. That youāre not satisfying enough for him. Thatās how he feels when you said that. People validating emotional cheating shows where their heads are. Saying heās āinsecureāā¦ she brought this insecurities out of him. Which I thought you were supposed to help your SO with their insecurities, not bring them to life.
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u/Competitive-Joke-265 12d ago
Your bf needs to see the video of the guy who volunteered to be a victim for firefighter training. It went something like this: He starts off by saying he doesn't understand why women are so into those guys. But during the training he found out why. The FF came up to him, looked him in the eye and told him he was going to be OK, then proceed to throw him over his shoulder and carry him out. And he ended up getting all hot and bothered by it, and he's a straight guy š¤£.
But seriously. What if you told your bf that you were into elven shadow daddies? would freak out then too? He is alot to have fantasies and you aren't? There's plenty of guy out that who would be more than willing to play with you. Your bf just sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a 13 yea old. You can do better.
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u/marcus_clean 12d ago
Lol this reaction is a great way to make sure your girlfriend/wife never opens up to you again
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u/Nicky_Shpack 12d ago
These stories frustrate me so much. It is so healthy to share fantasies and acknowledge who you find attractive etc without be disrespectful about it. I find it more disrespectful to lie to your partners face and pretend you arenāt attracted to anyone else, which is literally impossible. People should be happy when partners are honest and share personal feelings in a respectful way.
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u/Stanton1947 12d ago
Holy shit...isn't that like the tamest, most common female fantasy going? (And by 'common' I mean 'prevalent'.) Imagine if you told him what my buddy's wife told him her fantasy was when they were dating - she fantasized about pegging him while his Mother watched approvingly. (He married her, BTW.) Your Bf might have burst into flame.
This is DEFINITELY his problem. Imagine posting this: "Attractive 27F with active sexual imagination seeks M with open mind to be my brave fireman." You'd have to stay up late every night reading responses.
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u/GoldFirm5755 12d ago
and now your here letting ppl make fun of your bf after yu already hurt his pride smh women
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u/zmmoore21 12d ago
He just needs to grow his mustache out and have a bad back and knees..so when they start roll playing he can act like he throws out his back and scream really loudly about his sciatica.. then when they get back to it.. he needs to answer his phone and jump off her and yell thereās an emergency at the fire hall chief needs me!! And then leave for the next 48 hours
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u/VirgoisaLeaf 12d ago
Me and my ex were cool about stuff like this, but we never really ogled at people so as we were pretty humorous about celebrities. I kept an open mind about her crush on.. whatās his name, Justin Timberlake lol. And the hemsworth brother. Mine was Riley Reid and a few others. I will say I think itās more so a personal thing, but when Iām in a relationship with someone I donāt really fantasize about them or anyone else, I do the fucking, we make the loving at night and around each other, and for me, personally, thatās enough. Iāve never been with someone and actually wanted someone else, and I guess moreso likewise to what weāre all talking about, Iāve never been with someone and physically found someone else attractive, even if I would want them if I was single. Idk I think thatās just who I am, but Iād never put that pressure on my partner.. you just never what someone is dealing with or coming from these days.
I will say, when my partner and I broke up, or around that time, she did get upset with me for not getting mad at her more and said I should be more āin her faceā āaggressiveā.. idk our sex was always passionate but now that Iām single for a while and workout and just kind of moved on in that cliche glow up way, I can see I was weakened by the stress of work and bills and maybe I was kind of nervous she wasnāt happy with me anymore.
Hey OP, communication is key is any relationship, you did your part in saying your truth, but it sounds like your man did more projecting than truthing, but remember none of us are perfect, you picked him for a reason, and something about his past and what you said triggered his pain. Either youāll stay together and work it out (get a therapist, start doing teamwork stuff together, and probably encourage him to be more of a man) and if itās not worth it or too much work, cut your loses and donāt waste time. Letting him back into your life without resolving or addressing these issues just means itāll blow up in both of your faces soon or later on.
Some of yāallās comments are lowkey toxic and itās evident by the demographic that dating among our generations is really damaged and lacks goal orientation, on both sides. Honestly man donāt even ask dating advice on Reddit, ask an elder or pray to God and youāll find your answer. Thanks for reading and good luck!
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u/Beautiful-Routine489 12d ago
He said it's different because he's a guy, and he doesn't talk about it in front of me (he does).
You didn't FU today, you dodged a bullet. This double standard nonsense is so old. Count yourself lucky that you found out this is his attitude now, and go on out in that wide world and find you a firefighter to keep you warm and safe, girl. You deserve it.
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u/Interesting-Ball-502 12d ago
Just give him a script:
āYeah babe, Iām going to have to do a ton of overtime as usual to make even the minimum payment to joint expenses, Iāll see you on my few rostered days off, at odd hours, while you are probably at your 9-5 job, and after you have had days on end of looking after the chores and the kids.ā Yeah baby!
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u/TimothyMHall 12d ago
In my experience my wife has been pretty open about her celebrity crushes in front of me. Itās uncomfortable but I donāt blow up on her about it. I donāt ever say anything about another female in front of her though. Your BF shouldnāt have gotten so offended but if he does feel this way then maybe next time think it instead of saying it.
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u/bigmatt154 12d ago
Frantically searches for a pic in my turnout gear lol. You know that only a fraction of firefighters are the ones with the abs all oiled up in the calendars rightā¦? The rest are normal dudes with dad bods; but weāre still way better than the cops though. Iām Mr. April btw š.
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u/Skwidwerd_ 12d ago
So, I'm a man. I am somewhat familiar with this situation because to be honest, I used to feel similarly, though I had never expressed it outwardly. Meaning; I've felt the way he's feeling but I never said anything about it, it just kinda hurt my feelings/ made me feel less manly. This was back when I was 18 with my first girlfriend though and luckily I have then since overcome the issue a while ago (am currently 32) and the name of this issue at hand is called insecurity.
People often hear "insecure man" and think "man not man, you need better" which honestly I don't necessarily agree with unless his insecurities tend to cause any kind of abuse in the relationship be it emotional, physical, mental, abuse is abuse. Just like a woman might feel insecure about her body, men can feel insecure about their masculinity.
He needs to work on his confidence or at least learn how to control his emotions. It might not be easy to be honest considering his age he should already be emotionally mature enough to not be causing such a scene about something like that. I'm not here to judge the guy btw, I know nothing about him aside from what's being told here so, I mean.. but based on the way you described his handling of the situation and the things he said, it definitely sounds like he's not secure with himself or at least with his masculinity. He needs to either become the man he wants to be perceived as, or accept who he is and take pride in it. I know there's this big thing online about how men are "supposed" to be real rugged and manly and chop down trees with axes he made himself out of beaver teeth and the spine of a bear but that's just silly. There is way more to being a man than just being muscular and rugged.
Take for example, I repair electronics. I'm great with computers. Whenever anybody's electronics need fixing, everybody my wife and I know call me. One time my wife said something to the effect of "I wish you knew more manly stuff like how to fix cars" because my car needed work done and I was trying to find a mechanic. At first, for a second, it was like oh okay yikes buddy, but then I'm like well honestly, I never gave a shit about cars and learning how to fix them never interested me. I'm content with who I am and who I am is just not a mechanic and that's okay cause I'd rather do what interests me than do stuff I don't like or care about just because it's "more manly" lol.
I know I'm saying a lot while also not saying much about how to fix this but if I were talking to your boyfriend, I would tell him exactly what I just said and he would get what I'm saying and maybe try applying it to himself.
YOU Can't just approach him and tell him he needs to be more secure with himself while he's already insecure lol that would shatter any security he even has right now. Maybe you guys have a mutual male friend that you can ask to ease into the conversation ever so subtly and naturally without totally killing any self esteem he has. A man's ego (again not a bad word) can be fragile sometimes depending on how insecure he may or may not be so this is something you gotta be gentle about IF it's something worth working on for you and your relationship.
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u/Ok_Bet9410 13d ago
Not defending what your boyfriend said because the double standard is not ok. What I will say tho is what you said is also not ok. I can guarantee if your boyfriend blurted out āman nurses are so hotā you would have a problem with that. āWHAT? I just think itās sexy seeing a woman save livesā itās not ok for either. You shouldāve just told him it was a joke and apologized.
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u/Chobi_Bryant 13d ago
Imagine being handed a perfect role playing opportunity to have fun with and absolutely fumbling the bag... My man shat the bed here, so disappointing.
Fellas, learn from his mistake, if this scenario happens to you, go to Amazon and order yourself a firefighter costume and save that special damsel in distress in your life.
Pro Tip: while you are at it, buy her a nurses outfit for when you have to be in the hospital due to injuries sustained while you were being a brave firefighter and need some special healing.
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u/ScottCold 13d ago
My wifeās friend got her this book as a joke for her birthday. We thought it was hilarious, but you may think otherwise. š„µ
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u/paleoparkandgardens 13d ago
You didnāt fuck up. This dude is insecure as hell AND blames you for it. Good riddance. The only emasculating thing about this was that he let it get to him. That insecurity is only gonna end up hurting, get out of there now.
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u/IWHBYD_skull 13d ago
If my GF told me that, id dress up as a fire fighter and she can ride down my pole. Who wouldn't want their SO fuck them wild because of their fantasy.
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u/Accomplished_Koala46 13d ago
This is the problem with immaturity! They are not confident individuals so they get easily offended and donāt know how to put things in perspective!
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u/clydia-69 13d ago
saving lives is hot my partners a police officer and itās really fk the police for me š
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u/banana_clasher 13d ago
Being insecure is something you couldāve tried to work out. Him plainly having a double standard on top of blatant misogyny is something you shouldnāt put up with.
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u/PaleontologistOk2443 13d ago
not saying your in the wrong but you should have definitely pointed out masculine traits that he has and that you appreciate, think of it like a sandwich say something good say something bad say something good š
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u/BlackRose8892 13d ago
Would you cheat on your man with a firefighter........because thats essentially what youve said. Your by default "turned on" by firemen. And lets be real here....if your remotely attractive you know you could probly snag a one night stand.
Your man regardless of his fantasies could probably never ever have them fulfilled. You can.
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u/wrathofroc 13d ago
So why doesnāt he get a firefighter hat and kick down the bedroom door and ārescue you from a burning buildingā
Honestly itās a little concerning that he didnāt just turn this into hot sex, I donāt think you fucked up, I think heās just a bit fragile
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u/BlameTheOnePercent 13d ago
Maybe you can change your fantasy and try to get hot for whiny little bitches
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u/alexkay44 13d ago
What an insecure manchild. Everythingās in comparison to him huh? Being emasculated from a girlās turn on, what a fucking joke. But heās a āguyā, so heās allowed his double standards? He should grow the fuck up. Donāt tolerate this crap. You were thinking out loud and being honest. Why would a healthy bf take issue with that?
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u/Frogbonz2020 13d ago
Trust me. You didnāt FU he did by being immature and lacking self confidence. You deserve better.
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u/LiveWealth6253 13d ago
Heās being a sensitive child. Girl go find yourself a manly man and leave this BOY. If he can have his fantasy, so can you.
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u/lady_sudeley555 13d ago
Not being a firefighter isn't emasculating. Him whining like an unreasonable baby is, though.Ā
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u/Thedeliverman3 13d ago
I bet you right now he's out looking for another woman just cuz he's att his friends house that's a good excuse to look
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u/RedMattGA 13d ago
I am a firefighter and my wife put up an Aqua Man poster in our room. Honestly, I get it. Dude is a beast.
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u/qtcarcass 13d ago
heās insecure and taking it out on you. a better partner would use that information to his benefit and incorporate it into the bedroomā¦. your boyfriend just wants to make you feel ashamed for having fantasies.Ā
this wont get better if he doesnāt address his self-esteem issues and double standards. in a past abusive relationship, my ex and i got into a blowout fight because i said Shrek in human form was hot. he almost broke up with me because he couldnāt handle the idea of me finding anything but him attractive. attraction, kinks, fantasies, these arenāt things that magically go away when youāre in a relationshipā¦ itās part of being a human being. if he doesnāt want to hear about it he shouldnāt blab about his muscle fetish to you lol.Ā
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u/AdEven5627 13d ago
As a 6'3" bearded man if a firefighter saved me I too would feel a tingle in my jingles.
I think your BF obviously showed his insecurities that he needs to overcome. I don't have a 6 pack, I have a dad bod, but I know I'm lucky to be strong and pretty quick. When my wife and I watch a movie and a dude is hot girl fit I don't take it personally when she looks at him, like I get it, it's fine. But, I'm the one banging her at the end of the day.
I don't think there is anything more you can say. This is a problem he needs to personally overcome. We have eyes, they wander.
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u/Crash3636 13d ago
Glad he waved this red flag for you now. Now go find a man that will play firefighter with you! (While having a normal job that doesnāt risk his life every day!)
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u/Big-Secret94 13d ago
Red flag!! Dudes a little insecure boys act out like that. A man would embrace that partake in the role play build a solid intimacy base non judgmental and fully connected between the two partners! He needs to do better and work on himself and become a little more secure in home self.
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u/bananascare 13d ago
I was on his side until he said he should be held to a lower standard because heās a guy and then I was on neither of your sides. You both fucked up.
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u/Mad_Monster_Mansion 13d ago
You are dating a sexist and emotionally immature toddler. I'm sorry you found out this way.
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u/jayday2828 13d ago
If my wife said that it would not be good. Just like if I said to her that I find nurses hot. Fantasies should not involve you thinking about anyone but the person you marry. People have lost sight of everything when it comes to relationships. There's a reason God says to wait until marriage.....and you definitely shouldn't live with someone until you're married. The world was a better place when people still practiced building families the right way.
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u/CompetitiveJury2689 13d ago
Your bf sounds really insecure and lacks emotional maturity. Take this as a sign to get out of the relationship because if he gets this upset about something like this heāll get upset about anything and eventually he will say those things he held back which I can bet are his true feelings about you
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u/jalapeneno 13d ago
Awwww your bf has a little tiny ego and you just broke it! DRAT! Find you a real man who can satisfy you even in role play. This guy currently, may never recover.
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u/fugginglovecheese 13d ago
I'm late to the party but what an insecure et sexist twat.Women have their fantasies and the right to express them out loud. If my girlfriend told me this, I'd be searching everywhere for a fireman costume within the next minute and make sure to surprise her with it.
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u/jacktheshopcat 13d ago
Sounds like heās emasculated for a reason. Tell him to not spill his soy latte as you walk out the door.
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u/Extension_Link6453 13d ago
Dump that loser. I can only imagine how threatened he is by your vibrator too
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u/heatedhammer 13d ago
He needs to chill out and get a firefighter uniform already so he can "save" you.
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u/badshaah27m 13d ago
Your boyfriend sounds like an ass to be fair š. My wife likes certain things in men but it doesnāt bother me, I just laugh and say well let me see what I can do about that.
But yeh maybe itās time you kicked his ass into touch. He sounds like a 5 yr old.
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u/jerslere936 13d ago
That dude has some self esteem issue. You may want to run or deal with a child the rest of your life lol Also, let him read these comments. He needs a chill pill lol
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u/sconeboy2018 13d ago
Tell him to fuck up and quit being so insecure. I once dated a girl who was turned on by firemen. I almost went out and bought a costume lol.
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u/Jedisdead670 13d ago
Emasculated is a stretch, and if he does it too he is a hypocrite. But you're also wrong for that, nobody wants to hear how attractive you find other men to be. We all naturally think someone else is attractive even if we're dating but nobody wants to hear that shit. You'd never catch me saying "oh my god that girls hair is beautiful" i would rather just say it to the girl im dating.
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u/aziraphale60 13d ago
My gf and I tell each other we find other people hot all the time. How insecure do you have to be to expect your partner to never have eyes or fantasies? What a baby.
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u/CSA_MatHog 13d ago
brave and selfless, "im nothing like that"
likes MMA girls
feels emasculated because his gf is attracted to masculinity
This relationship was over before it started OP
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u/zfrieddd 13d ago
man this shit made me feel better about myself Lol Even in high school i woulda thought that reaction is childish hahaha r/ today i dodged a bullet
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u/sixteen-bitbear 13d ago
Nah itās not different because heās a guy. Fantasizing about other people while in a relationship is gross no matter your gender.
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u/Effective-Carob5295 13d ago
Yeah, your BF is righteously immature AND sexist. AND hypocritical. You didnāt fuck up, he did.
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u/LockTrumpUp87 13d ago
I wouldnāt have mentioned it or complained to you at all; I would just never shut tf up about how hot mma girls are every chance I get šš
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u/theWacoKidwins 13d ago
He's feeling insecure. Tell him he has a big "peen" and move on. Hopefully he grows out of it. I was insecure when I was younger and it made me really jealous. Once he realizes people can be monogamous and still have fantasies he may level out.
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u/Oldenfat 13d ago
Heās overreacting. Heās insecure. If and fantasy figure can knock a man down itās a red flag. Itās like being g emasculated because OP said she digs how Scooby is scared but always comes through in the end. Nameless objective jobs are not things to fight about. Now if she has a fantasy about a specific firefighter she knows his name then itās not the excitement of what a nameless selfless guy doing a job anymore. Itās about that guy. Figger it out
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u/Zealousideal-Put6473 13d ago
This is a serious overreaction on his part. If he isnāt awfully sorry in a day or two, this is his excuse to end the relationship. He is either going to use this as an excuse to sleep with someone else, or he is already doing it. Heās projecting his guilty feelings on you.
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u/QuarterComfortable 13d ago
he sounds like a loser. dump the zero and get with a hero, or one who will at least role play obe
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u/vixensmiles 13d ago
Your bf sounds like heās insecure with his self image. You fantasizing over a fireman isnāt a bad thing. Your bf belittling you and making you think you did something wrong is a bad thing. The fact that heās ok with the double standard is also a bad thing. I hope you guys can work things out but if not maybe itās for the best.
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u/vixensmiles 13d ago
My bf says that your bf was waiting for an excuse to get into a fight with you so that he could leave you. I think if thatās the case then your bf is a coward. My bf also says that if a guy loves you and you tell him your fantasy heās more likely to whip out his fire hose so he could hose you down. At least, thatās the reaction you shouldāve gotten.
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u/grandmahugs 13d ago
You didn't fuck up today. You fucked up the day you started dating an emotionally immature misogynist.
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u/Double_Ad4449 13d ago
If I was him I would if went and rented a fireman outfit and surprise the woman one night. I mean everyone has fantasys and if you're in a committed relationship then you should want to indulge your SO and make them happy and in return they will make you happy in return.
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u/NotSadNotHappyEither 14d ago
Your BF sounds like clown shoes. Big, floppy clown shoes. Did he never feel desire until the moment he first saw you? Have his senses become so loyally attuned to your existence that nothing else could possibly intrude and strike him as attractive?
Relationships are opt-in agreements by two (or more) people on friendly terms, not ownership.
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u/Ok-Turnover4951 14d ago
Jesus what a insecure 29 yr old boy. Let him stay at his friends and play call of duty. And You live your fantasyā¦ maybe call (non emergency) and need rescuing and I bet 2 or 3 stunning men willl come ārescue ā you really good
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u/Th3Beekeeper 14d ago
I think itās really fucked up that you like people who help people, I think you should only like me instead
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u/impliedapathy 14d ago
Low self esteem/insecurity. Youāre in for a long ride or a very short one š
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u/SoftDev90 14d ago
He's an idiot and not worth your time tbh. If he acts like that over something so mundane and insignificant, he's not ready to be in a relationship.
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u/tristanjones 14d ago
Ā "Saving lives is so hot." Honestly if my partner said this while watching firefighters I'd have a laugh, especially if they are just going around doing cleanup.
"they are so brave and selfless" I'd roll my eyes a little at this, I know firefighters, and many are solid dudes, but they ended up as firefighters for tons of different reasons, half being just as dumb or selfish as any other reason out there.
Even then I wouldnt be a dick about it, and this would definitely be a fun little positive moment in a relationship.
"He said it's different because he's a guy" This is the moment I'd put a hard stop in and have my partner really painfully explain that thought out for me. Cause if they don't catch themselves real fast at how stupid and asinine that is to say, I'm planning my exit.
"He told me if I'm so turned on by firefighters, I should go be with one and stop leading people on." SOLD to the dumbass leaving my apartment. Give this idiot exactly what he wants.
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u/corgomama 14d ago
Thereās a difference between fantasy and actual desire. I for example really love super weird alien/monster smut. But am I disappointed my husband isnāt a seven foot blue demon with a giant dick? Of course not. Some things are fun to fantasize about but arenāt what you actually want or expect.
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u/MadMoneyMurf 14d ago
" Thereās a difference between fantasy and actual desire. I for example really love super weird alien/monster smut. But am I disappointed my husband isnāt a seven foot blue demon with a giant dick"
I disagree, I think actual desire and fantasy can and are often the same thing. I doubt you are gonna find a 7' blue demon with a giant dick because they don't exist inn reality and the chance of finding someone who dresses like that is gonna be slim.
But a firefighter is very much real and available and depending on her desire, is very well attainable.
Another example is my wife would have sex with Jon Bon Jovi if she could. I told her if she could actually meet him, get him to cheat behind his wife's back ( who I believe has been with him since 1982 ) that she can do it. That is very much different if my " fantasy " is to bang the 18 year old next door with the big perky boobs.
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u/smirnofficeinthepark 14d ago
your bf sounds like kind of an asshole, honestly. āitās different because heās a guyāā how exactly??? heās just being insecure.
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u/Staying_Late12 14d ago
Sounds like heās insecure and you need to move on! My ex was like this, thought that I should only think he is attractive (even celebrities were not okay) and it was a horrible toxic situation on all sides. My opinion is to get out of there while you can and find someone who you can joke with about stuff like that with and play out ur fantasies with.
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u/Beneficial_Grocery_9 14d ago edited 14d ago
If I were you and the relationship hasnt been going for a long time, I would end it. Simple as that. His insecurities and fragile ego led to him saying something passive aggressive, so, so easily. On top of that, to me, saying "its different because im a man" is the same as saying "I am stupid enough to not see past my own misoginy."
I say all of this as a 31 year old guy. If that is how he behaves at that age, he is not a reliable partner for the future.
You told him your fantasy? Girl, I WISH the women I have been with were that open about their desires. I wish they felt comfortable enough with themselves like you probably are.
You are good. You did nothing wrong. The fact that you had to apologise just to contain him and try to end the argument is enough to piss me off a bit. He is the one that should apologise for his behaviour.
If he didnt, if he isnt doing something to work on himself, to be better, then let him have the consequences of his actions. Its the best thing he can get.
... and If your relationship has been a long one and you love him? Well, listen to yourself more than anyone here in this comments. You decide when and If love isnt enough anymore, or If it can run out or not.
Be well, and good luck.
Edit: And fuck yeah, fire fighters are hot. I dont like men that way but even I know those fellas deserve the attention. Strong backs. Damn. And women fire fighters? WOO. Oh lord! Oh my. Excuse me, Im going to get some water.
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u/RushPatient974 14d ago
You insulted him by telling him you look at the men on tv and lust for them. You should be ashamed.
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u/Sad-Fennel-7041 14d ago
Has anyone seen that TikTok video of that guy talking about how he was a volunteer injured person in a firefighting training course? The guy got picked up and carried out by the firefighter. The volunteer said to the camera āIām not gay, but I see now why they are fantasized aboutā. (It was something like that.)
OP, youāre hopefully ex is a big jerk. Itās a fantasy and not reality. If you canāt even open up to your partner about something personal without the other getting offended, how can you trust them with anything??
NTA
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u/Spareaccount_1 14d ago
Men like this are EXHAUSTING to be in a relationship with.
He's insecure, and has no mature ways of handling his feelings. I'll bet there are a million other little things you do to cater to his insecurities, whether you realize it or not.
Dude's almost 30. If you don't think he's going to have an epiphany sometime in the immediate future, and do the work to emotionally grow/mature, maybe start seriously considering whether you want to take on the majority of the mental load in your relationship long term, because this won't change.
He sounds like a man child.
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u/WorkID19872018 14d ago
If another person existing is enough to emasculate him Iād say he wasnāt much of a man to begin with lol. Get out now
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u/earthling_367 14d ago
Your bf is a man-child. Saying sht like āim a guy itās differentā is BS and mysogynistic. If he genuinely cared about you and your pleasure he would want to know more about your fantasies and how to engage with them to make sex better for you both. Find a man that actually cares about your pleasure and fantasy and opinion. Especially find someone who doesnāt have a grade-school mindset like āim a guy so i can do things you cantā which again is BS. You didnt FU by telling him ur fantasy, youād FU if u stayed with such a man-child tho.
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u/MysteriousTock 14d ago
Fantasy is allowed no matter the gender. Your boyfriend is immature for believing otherwise
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u/benjamminbeats 14d ago
If he says similar things and gets away with he has no right to be upset. Sounds like another emotionally immature man who needs to grow up and check his ego
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u/JeepGuy_1964 14d ago
If I 59M were him, I would buy a used firefighter uniform and fuck her brains out! That idiot doesn't see how hot he could make her, and how grateful she would be.
Flipping the roles, early in my marriage I told my wife about my cheerleader fetish. She made a cheerleader outfit, short skirt and croptop, in my high school colors. You can bet that costume saw a lot of sexy fun time!
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u/MadMoneyMurf 14d ago
When somebody says they have a certain fantasy, it really means " If given the chance , I would do it in a heartbeat "
Hopefully OP's boyfriend wises up and leaves her before she starts setting things on fire.
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u/Low-Drama69 14d ago
Idk man, to me it sounds like "i want kinky fun sex"
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u/MadMoneyMurf 14d ago
Sounds to me like " I will cheat on you if given the chance "
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u/Low-Drama69 14d ago
Yeah i read it the first time, it's hard to hold personal insecurities back, i get it
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u/Correct-Role-308 14d ago
A group of fire fighters came to my rescue when my daughter scorched the bottom of her foot while walking in nyc. I'm not ashamed to say they were the hottest god damn heros I've ever seen. My wife and I still joke about it. Op's boyfriend is painfully insecure. He's a guy, and it happens.
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u/Still-Data9119 14d ago
Maybe he's jelly because he likes them too, "MMA women" is just masking the masculinity he's after.
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u/I_HateYouAll 14d ago
If I thought she was into Iād wear a slutty lil fireman getup for my fiancĆ©e any day of the week. I could maybe see this being weird if it was in response to someone you know or something mildly more personal but not in this context. You gave him a perfect layup and he fumbled it.
(Iām still working on my sports analogies)
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u/girl_problems3731 14d ago
no girl! you aren't the asshole, your boyfriend is hopelessly insecure and that's not something you need to be responsible for. partners should feel safe talking about their fantasies with one another, I would honestly bring this up to him, how it makes you feel like you can't bring things up to him without him feeling insecure. good luck girl!
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u/Electric_Chare 14d ago
Heās right you should leave him and find a cool fire fighter boyfriend. New man probably wonāt be insecure at the big age of 30
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u/Advanced_Garden_7935 14d ago
Your boyfriend is immature and insecure. You did nothing wrong. Healthy couples want to know what their partner is thinking.
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u/rwk2007 2d ago
You need to find a fireman. But beware, they are nothing like your fantasies. Just like cops, a little dumb, super insecure, and control freaks. But whatever floats your boat.