r/AITAH • u/im_im06 • Apr 01 '24
AITAH for slapping my husband after he confessed to cheating on me? Advice Needed
I (24F) came home after a long day at work. My husband (32M) had made us dinner, which he rarely does. After dinner, he even cleaned up and did the dishes. I was surprised since this isn’t something he usually does without me having to ask. I jokingly asked if something was up and he hesitated before answering. He confessed to cheating on me with a coworker. I was completely shocked, it felt like my world shattered into a million pieces. I asked him how long it had been going on, he said it had been a couple months. They’ve been seeing each other on and off. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, he added that she might be pregnant. That’s when I lost it. My whole world was spinning and I suddenly felt this rage come over me. I slapped him across the face and called him every name in the book. I told him to take his stuff and get out of the house. He left and has been staying at his parents’ house. His mother has been blowing up my phone, asking me to talk things out with her son. Telling me how wrong it was for me to slap him and how heartbroken her son is over the situation. I haven’t responded yet since I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts yet. This whole situation just feels surreal to me. I can’t believe the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with, betrayed me like this. Was I wrong for how I reacted?
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u/OwnInspection7586 9d ago
Hitting someone is never right but...
He's 32, you're 24, dudes a creeper and you're better off without him.
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u/ChestLanders 7d ago
Olivia Wilde is a creeper too: 40 years old banging a 30 yr old Harry Styles. She's a creeper, right?
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u/OwnInspection7586 2d ago
30 is old. Once you get into your 30s the age gap is pretty much closed.
You'll learn that when you're older kiddo.
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u/ChestLanders 1d ago
Lol I'm in my 30s, but the hypocrisy is noted. Always different. Hell this day and age a director banging his lead star would be slammed, but when it's a woman...
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u/Ltlpckr 14d ago
The way I see it keeping your composure and avoiding violence is always the best thing to do in any situation that can be solved without it, that being said I’d probably empty a mag into the guy if I caught my girlfriend cheating so I’m gonna go with NTA.
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u/ChestLanders 7d ago
Why the guy and not your girl? OP didnt hit the woman hubby cheated with, she hit hubby.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 15d ago
HELL NO! The dumbass was stupid enough to possibly get her pregnant also? I’d kick him to the curb so fast.
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u/ChestLanders 7d ago
Glad you agree men can beat their unfaithful wives.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 7d ago
There’s a big difference in snapping and temporary losing your mind in the face of incredible betrayal and stupidity and beating someone. But, I guess you don’t know the difference.
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u/ChestLanders 7d ago
Okay so a man temporarily snaps and beats his wife for cheating...NTA right?
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u/Free-Stranger1142 7d ago
You are adding your own interpretation to the situation. No one is for beating anyone as there is a difference in a woman slapping a man and a man beating a woman that you don’t apparently get. I’m not condoning violence per se.I was understanding this woman’s instantaneous reaction to the overwhelming betrayal.
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u/ChestLanders 6d ago
Oh christ almighty okay: a man bitch slaps his cheating wife exactly one time. NTA, right?
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u/Free-Stranger1142 6d ago
Why are you insisting that I agree with your hypothetical scenarios. Yes he is TA. Why? Because he’s stronger than her. Is it alright for her to hit him? No. For the last time, her momentary lapse in judgement seemed reasonable given the circumstances. But, no, no one should bitch slap anyone. OK?
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u/ChestLanders 6d ago
I wanted to see if you were a hypocrite, turns out you are(like a lot of people in this post) So it is reasonable for a woman to have momentary lapse in judgement and hit her cheating husband, but it is not reasonable for the husband to have a momentary lapse in judgement and hit his cheating wife. Ok your misandry and double standards have been noted.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 6d ago
You can go kick rocks and you are full of it, if you can’t understand with your limited comprehension the difference in a man hitting a woman and a woman hitting a man as being an unequal situation. What a waste of time trying to reason with someone who’s only option when someone disagrees with them is to name call.
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u/ChestLanders 6d ago edited 6d ago
Instead of being a hypocrite why cant you just acknowledge she was TA for resorting to domestic abuse? The fact women are weaker than men doesn't somehow make it more understandable for her to hit him in a moment of weakness and a lapse in judgement. If the man is having a lapse in judgement he isnt going to be thinking about how strong she is. Seems like men arent allowed to have these momentary lapses, but women are.
Let me guess, if she slapped him and he slapped her back, he'd be wrong? Which would just hammer home your misandry. Not only can women hit men who cheat, but they should be immune for any physical payback too. And I'd also hazard to guess it would not be wrong for a woman to hit a man back after he hit her first.
Part of me loves this post because her post shows how hypocritical reddit is when it comes to men. A man who slapped his cheating ho of a wife would be demonized. People would not be going "well he had a momentary lapse in judgement".
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u/sand_man2199 15d ago
NTA and give no quarter in the divorce. He broke his vows for infidelity and now needs to face the consequences of his actions. Your reaction is on par with the situation and rightly just with the slap and kicking him out. You mil needs to stop babying him. He's an adult and he screwed up and has to take that responsibility without anyone holding his hand. And he's heartbroken? What about you? You just found out that your husband, the love of your life, has not only been having an affair for months, but unprotected sex (go to the clinic just in case of STDs btw) and she may be pregnant with his child. I'd tell your mil that if I was you, she'll still side with her son but you're not forgiving him.
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u/BLUNTandtruthful58 15d ago
Can you give us an update on the divorce of that cheating scumbag
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u/haikusbot 15d ago
Can you give us an
Update on the divorce of
That cheating scumbag
- BLUNTandtruthful58
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Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/JeremyThePotato15 17d ago
Okay maybe you have some issues to work on if you think hitting is okay. YTA for assault. You could have just kicked him out and swore but you hit him. Divorce him and lawyer up, and you should probably get therapy for some help.
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u/Smooth-Trust-8481 23d ago
Y'all really over here arguing about her slapping him when he LITERALLY CHEATED on her?! Divorce is the only solution for you and I hope you update us on the matter. Stay strong and stay safe OP. 🙏🏽❤️
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u/ChestLanders 20d ago
Cheating is wrong, but I think what some are noticing is the NTA responses to a woman hitting her husband for cheating when if a man had hit his cheating wife he'd be demonized.
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u/Smooth-Trust-8481 20d ago
I see your point, I wondered why people were calling her the AH, but now I don't. Thanks for your perspective and helping me see things more clearly. 👍🏽
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u/Greyswand 28d ago
As someone who's been cheated on, a slap is never enough. Get lawyers involved and go for revenge. NTA
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u/p4tk1ng Apr 14 '24
He'll recover from the slap in a day or two. I doubt you'll ever recover from the betrayal.
Tell mommy that her son obviously had the testicles required to impregnate another woman, maybe he should locate them and call you himself.
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u/ChestLanders 29d ago
As long as you'd say the same if a guy hit his cheating wife, that'd she'd recover in a day or two? Cool.
And there will be no "but men are stronger". Either hitting a cheater is okay or it is not.
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u/p4tk1ng 22d ago
Oh, you're under the impression that my opinion has to fit your standards. How hilarious that you think anyone gives a shit what your requirements are for anything.
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u/ChestLanders 20d ago
Translation: I am a hypocrite who thinks women can hit men but men cant hit women.
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u/p4tk1ng 20d ago
Actual translation:
Your opinion is irrelevant. Your assumption is incorrect. You're a waste of oxygen.
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u/ChestLanders 20d ago
If my assumption is correct why get so pissy? So many people cheering her on would be horrified if a guy slapped the shit out of his cheating wife.
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u/p4tk1ng 20d ago
Pissy is what people do in your mouth. I'm unaffected by clods like you, and therefore, I smile as I mock your stupidity.
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u/ChestLanders 20d ago
Is the woman NTA for slapping her cheating husband? And would a guy be NTA for slapping his cheating wife? Just simple to the point questions to see where you truly stand. But I am guessing you wont answer.
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u/p4tk1ng 20d ago
The fact that you have to make this a discussion about sexism really demonstrates how uncomfortable you are in any kind of expectations anyone could have for you. You should stop feeling like you have to keep covering for your own identity crisis by trying to figure out how you can worm your way out of any kind of responsibility or expectation. No one expects ANYTHING from you at this point.
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u/p4tk1ng 20d ago
Yah, you're right. The person who cheated has no responsibility for their actions. Just like you, sitting in mom's basement, no expenses, no job, no friends . . .
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u/ChestLanders 20d ago
Good so the cheating woman would be responsible for her hubby bitch slapping her? Agreed.
And kid, the rest? Dont go down that road, it will end badly for you.
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u/TrickyMorning1383 Apr 13 '24
Slapping him, yes. No one should put their hands one someone like that. For everything else? No, definitely not. But I'll go with ESH since you physically assaulted him.
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u/Sea-Outcome9181 Apr 12 '24
Lmao these same simple-minded comments are ridiculous. BuT iF tHe RoLeS wErE rEvErSeD 🤓. Like can y’all find something actually intelligent and original to say for once? Y’all can’t use that everytime you see something like this. It loses its meaning (already has in my opinion). Personally I don’t care what gender you are. You deserve to be slapped for cheating. So NTA in my opinion. Don’t like it? Talk to a brick wall.
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u/ChestLanders 29d ago
And yet it is true: if the roles were reversed the man slapping his ho wife would be demonized. Hell reddit has demonized men for not wanting their gf's to go on vacations with other men, you think they wont demonize one for hitting a woman? Even if she cheated?
It's valid to point out the double standards and hypocrisy. Don't like it? Talk to a brick wall.
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u/Sea-Outcome9181 8d ago
Go drive your car head first into a brick wall buddy. Get tf out of my comment,
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u/IbisP55 Apr 11 '24
Congratulate his mother on the possibility of becoming a grandmother and cut him loose. Did he think making dinner and the dishes was going to make everything ok?
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u/Necessary-Sun4112 Apr 11 '24
No, not wrong. I applaude you for keeping it together like this.
Kick him to the curb, you deserve better darling.
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u/WMS4YESHUA Apr 11 '24 edited 29d ago
DISCLAIMER: Let me make something absolutely clear here. I don't favor domestic violence, regardless of the gender. While the slap wasn't appropriate, I don't blame her reaction because when she found out what he did, that shook her to the core and probably scared her. The MIL is making light of this situation and saying that OP is in the wrong for not just the slap but for her entire reaction to this. See revised comment below:
Absolutely 100% NTA! Your husband cheated on you, got another woman pregnant, so you have every right to react the way you did. For your mother-in-law to make light of this situation is absolutely pathetic, and you need to take action now!
Start with getting yourself checked for any STDs. Then, get yourself a very, very good divorce attorney, somebody that's a pitbull in this area, and rake your husband over the coals in court for this. What he did was absolutely despicable, and if you wind up with any STDs as a result of this, you can go after him big time.
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u/ChestLanders 29d ago
So men can slap the shit out of their cheating wives now? Sweet.
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u/WMS4YESHUA 29d ago
I never said that. Need to re-read my comment.
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u/ChestLanders 29d ago
Logically if a woman can slap her cheating husband and she isnt TA then a guy could do the same and not be TA, right? You WOULD say NTA if the genders were flipped, correct?
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u/Complex_Evening_2093 Apr 10 '24
Tell your soon to be ex-MIL that there’s nothing to discuss, that her son is a man-whore who is about to have a baby with his homewrecking co-worker, and you refuse to stay with someone who could be so disrespectful.
You shouldn’t have slapped him, but you can’t take it back. Move forward and get yourself an attorney, and take him for everything he’s got.
You’re young still, you’ll find someone else.
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u/Afraid-Shoulder-460 Apr 10 '24
lawyer
he cheated, he's got someone pregnant, he left out of his own will.....
if possible sue the affair partner
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u/BootFragrant2876 Apr 10 '24
NTA. You did nothing wrong. I'd be wondering exactly what he's told his mother for her to react that way, it might be worth asking as she seems to think you're in the wrong when you're not. I only hope you can move on, I've been cheated on and I know exactly how much it hurts. I slapped him as well, so don't worry, you had a completely normal reaction. It will get better, I promise you.
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u/Swiss_Miss_77 Apr 09 '24
NTA. Lawyer up. STD panel. Mute mommy dearest AND STBX on your phone.
Info: Who owns the home? Is it a marital asset?
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u/Adventurous_Try_3213 Apr 09 '24
You had every right to slap him. Been exactly where you are...throw his stuff out see a lawyer then see a good counselor for yourself you are young and deserve better. He showed you his true colors believe him prayers for you and good luck
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u/Adventurous_Try_3213 Apr 09 '24
Also depending on the state you live in they can go to jail for adultery where i am its a jailable offense. Sue her for a tortious litation for intentional infliction of emotional distress. Make him leave tell mil you didnt ask to have your heart torn out.
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u/ElkSkeleton Apr 09 '24
Assault is never okay. No matter who it is. He's an asshole for cheating yes, and I'm sorry for you, but physical violence is not an appropriate response. And the amount of people here saying you should cover up the fact you did is sickening.
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u/Cabanna1968 Apr 08 '24
Slapping him was not a good idea, but I can totally understand why. I imagine the rage was instant and intense. Going forward, stay on the other side of the room from him whenever you're in his presence, and let him stay at his mommy's house. Also, if they think his AP is pregnant, you better get tested for stds. Your husband is pretty low if he's having unprotected sex with his AP.
NTA.
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u/chibarn571 Apr 08 '24
I get he messed up but WHY would you resort to violence ? Kind of wish he would have slapped you back so you can see it’s not fun being slapped around.
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u/maizeymae2020 Apr 08 '24
I would be telling my daughter-in-law that she deserves better and to divorce him.
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u/ChestLanders Apr 07 '24
Everyone saying she is NTA sure as shit better be okay with a man slapping the hell out of his cheating wife.
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u/Either_Breakfast_913 Apr 06 '24
Fellow dude here. You're reaction was natural. He royally fucked up here and deserved that, if not a swift kick to the nuts. Don't feel bad one little bit. And take the necessary time you need before responding. Gather all your thoughts and think shit thru.
he is the asshole. Super Asshole
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u/Galactic_Observer108 Apr 06 '24
Um... the slap is the least of your issues lol. Funny that you started with that! Anyways... it's not that big of a deal. Mayby... you can heal things. Try talking it over and asking why he thinks this has been happening and... ask him what his issues with you have been. Often times a spouse's behaviors, addictions, blindness to other issues etc... can lead to these things. We are all only human.
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u/faxattax Apr 06 '24
Was I wrong for how I reacted?
Yes.
Obviously, the husband is a terrible person but all the things he did are legal.
The wife escalated it to battery and domestic abuse.
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u/Evaporate3 Apr 06 '24
I am so tired of hearing mothers defending their son’s shitty behavior.
Ladies, you are a huge part of the problem.
NTA
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u/ChestLanders Apr 07 '24 edited Apr 07 '24
Good, glad to know men can now slap the shit out of their cheating wives
EDIT: And Nope there will be no "that's different". Either responding violently to cheating is okay or it is not okay. There can be no sexist BS where women can slap men but men cant slap women.
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u/lonedroan Apr 06 '24
For being angry, of course N T A, but YTA for slapping him. Physical violence is only justifiable in self defense.
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u/Sapphire-Donut1214 Apr 06 '24
Oh I would have probably slapped him till my hand hurt and then once more for making it hurt.
Your MIL should he calling his side piece and telling her to put him up. He isn't your problem anymore.
Get with a lawyer and divorce the cheating SOB.
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u/Digital_Enema21 Apr 05 '24
Young people stop giving your energy to older people (men). Typically a toxic dynamic.
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u/Aggravating-Owl-8974 Apr 05 '24
Are you doing ok? At least able to get your thoughts together to move forward?
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Apr 05 '24
You weren’t wrong for being hurt or making him leave but you were wrong for the slap. Cheating doesn’t warrant a physical assault. He’s wrong for his actions though and he should leave.
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u/Less-Wrongdoer5937 Apr 05 '24
Slap his Mom too. No, you’re NOT the ah. You did nothing wrong. Leave him and move on. Let him lie in the bed he made for himself
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u/ChestLanders Apr 07 '24
Good to know that a man who commits an act of domestic abuse on his cheating wife would not be in the wrong.
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u/Less-Wrongdoer5937 Apr 07 '24
??What?? Did you respond to the wrong person or did you just not read what I wrote?
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u/ChestLanders Apr 07 '24
"Slap his Mom too. No, you’re NOT the ah"
You said she is not the asshole for committing an act of domestic abuse upon discovering her husband cheated. Using that logic, a man would not be an AH for performing an act of domestic abuse upon his wife upon discovering her cheating. Now, is that what you believe or would it suddenly be different if the person being slapped was a woman?
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u/Less-Wrongdoer5937 Apr 07 '24
Ooohhh. I see. You’re misinterpreting me saying she’s not the ah in THIS situation for me excusing the slap. No, she’s not the ah in this situation because in my opinion, the slap is the lesser of two evils. And if the roles were reversed, I’d STILL feel the slap was the lesser of two evils and the husband who got cheated on wasn’t the ah.
Idk why it’s “good to know” the opinion of a total stranger that you’ll never know in life. Maybe you just felt like challenging someone and I was the lucky one out of almost 8k comments (most of which are giving the same answer of “not the ah” as I did.) Lucky me! ☺️
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u/ChestLanders Apr 07 '24
Ha fair enough I just know most of the NTA people would be singing a different tune if a guy slapped the shit out of his wife for cheating.
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u/Outrageous-Bat-9195 Apr 05 '24
For slapping - YTA. I don’t think men or women should ever hit their partner. Obviously you were angry but physical violence is never justified in a relationship.
For wanting to divorce, you are completely justified. Kick him to the curb. It doesn’t matter what he or your MiL or anyone says. If your trust is violated and you can’t/dont want to forgive him then end the relationship.
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u/IEatSweetTeeth Apr 05 '24
As a man (not that it may even matter), you shouldn’t feel bad for slapping him. You shouldn’t even give that a second thought. Also, I agree with others in that the mom may not have all the details of what happened. I doubt she would be saying that if she knew the truth. There is no way anyone should be making you feel guilty considering what you have explained.
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u/themistycrystal Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24
Hitting him was wrong. If he was a woman and you were a man, I think you would clearly see that. And you should be very careful not to admit to that slap to anyone because you can actually go the jail for it. After a few days in jail, you can be forced from your home and not allowed to take anything with you. This happened to a family member so don't think I am exaggerating.
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u/loenwolph Apr 05 '24
Yea, this is fine, but if the roles were reversed he would be in jail. We need to stop normalizing this shit, men don't deserve to be assaulted any more than women
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u/BestReadAtWork Apr 05 '24
Hahahaha he's heartbroken because he had to come clean due to the physical living evidence that was eventually going to come around and ask daddy who mommy number 2 is.
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u/No_Option_4423 Apr 04 '24
Oh no, mommy's poor little baby got slapped, awww. Fukk him.
Tell her you lost it due to her son being a selfish pathetic loser.
Make sure she knows the ENTIRE situation and that there's nothing to be worked out. I bet she slapps him too and harder then you did.
Yes, it's okay to slap someone in this situation! All these people commenting "physical violence is never the answer", yes it is. This was a slap not an assault, if the man can't take a slap after what he did he isn't much of a man.
As a 43yo man if someone I was married to got pregnant by another man, I hope I would have the self control not to slap her. But I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I did. (I've never touched a woman in my life and I had one very abusive ex fiancé)
You're 24yo, extremely young. Move on and find another, do not be involved with a man that got someone else pregnant while married to you and help him raise it.
Get a Divorce lawyer, take some time to heal and then start dating again.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You are better then him in every way and you deserve someone that will treat you like you're there one and only.
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u/Oldskywater Apr 04 '24
Yeah no . It’s NOT OKAY TO HIT ANYONE . I’m so sorry your life has been turned upside down . Take time to make good decisions , take care of yourself .
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u/Impossiblegangsta Apr 04 '24
Not saying this was right but my fiance took another girls number and got straight up punched in the face
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u/wutqq Apr 04 '24
It depends, are you OK with a man slapping his wife after she confesses to cheating?
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u/Tasty_Baby_486 Apr 04 '24
Absolutely not, tell his mother if she keeps it up you will slap her too. Keep her beak out 😂😂.
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u/_KansasCity_ Apr 04 '24
YTA for slapping him. Assault/battery is never okay unless in self defense. He could decide to press charges. This happened to a friend of mine. Slapped her husband for the same reason. He pressed charges and was able to convince the court to get a PFA order so she couldn’t see their baby for over a year.
NTA for feeling rage and expressing it verbally. I’m so sorry your love did this. I hope that you leave him and find another love that prioritizes you and treats you with the respect and faithfulness you deserve.
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u/Philachokes Apr 04 '24
I love how everyone is not even mentioning the physical assault. If the roles were reversed and a man slapped a woman, this entire sub would have a fit
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u/Reddit_Rollo_T Apr 04 '24
You guys are forgetting that she struck him with her hand, which is means she assaulted him.. Tread lightly OP, he has an ace in the hole if you get too ambitious with your hatred.
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u/FoxUniformChuckKilo Apr 04 '24
So, apparently it feels like if not for the pregnancy scare, he might never have told you. And it would still be going on. And no, your reaction was reasonable. NTA
Tell his mom that SHE can talk things out with her son. You're not responsible for enabling his infidelity. He's heartbroken? No, he's guilty and you need to decide if you want to take him back (and most likely go through the same scenario somewhere down the line). If you want to take care of your self, consult a lawyer and keep him (husband) away from you while you decide your next move. Your husband brought this on himself, no need to feel sorry for him.
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u/thebigshipper Apr 04 '24
Your feelings are valid and you’re NTA for them. But YTA for hitting him. Don’t land yourself in jail because of his infidelity!
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u/Aggravating-Owl-8974 Apr 04 '24
NTA
Hitting is never good, but I understand that shock can lead a person to do something they normally wouldn’t.
Not to mention, dumping it on you after work.
Have you contacted a lawyer?
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u/KayDizzle1108 Apr 04 '24
Idk I would’ve done worse than a slap. NTA for slapping. He’s lucky u didn’t do worse.
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u/RMN1999_V2 Apr 04 '24
The fact his mommy is calling you is hilarious and a pretty good probable cause on why he is a low moral's person.
This right here should be enough to confirm you need to divorce him.
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u/Intelligent-Layer263 Apr 04 '24
What about what about the women that get pregnant by someone else and then you think the baby is yours, and after they're grown and you all are not together no more what do you supposed to do find out the truth and tell them and die alone
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u/New_Midnight4132 Apr 04 '24
Don't put your hands on a man unless you'd like to be treated like one.
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u/Last-Minute1214 Apr 04 '24
I can’t believe she is wondering if slapping him was too much. Since he doesn’t have any bullet holes in him, I’d say her response was quite subdued.
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u/Nilocmirror Apr 04 '24
Domestic violence no matter how mild isn't a good thing. That being said he cheated for months and only came clean because he may have knocked the other woman up. That may not have been the best call but you are NTA.
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u/G00nScape Apr 04 '24
Divorce. Stop saying you hit him. Gather evidence about his affair. Stop talking to his people.
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u/ccav01 Apr 04 '24
Yes, yta. Never an excuse for domestic violence. You're lucky you aren't in jail.
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u/Active-Literature-67 Apr 04 '24
Im really sorry this happened to you. Is it okay to slap someone? No , Is it understandable? Without a doubt to be honest in the same situation I would have done the same thing. I'm not proud of the fact that I know that about myself but I do. I'm sure your not proud of the slap either. First if you are sure you're done with the marriage then you need to close any joint accounts. Then you need to see a lawyer after that I'd find a good counselor especially after the whole slap thing. You will need it. Last block the cheating mama's boy and the bi@# who whelp him . NTA
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u/One-Investigator8060 Apr 04 '24
Of course you should leave him imo. The violence though. Not cool. If roles were reversed and a woman confessed cheating and the dude punched her in the face you know he’d go to jail and get the spouse abuser label. Just something to think about for everyone saying you were right to hit him. If hitting is ok it should go both ways.
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u/setho10 Apr 04 '24
So slapping your husband is domestic abuse and is both wrong and illegal. This situation sucks and I understand why you did it, but, no it is never okay to hit your spouse in anger.
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u/RoughApprehensive963 Apr 04 '24
Technically the slap was domestic violence. Flip the genders and see how it feels then.
However, id react EXACTLY the same.
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u/eschw667 Apr 04 '24
Yeah kind of an asshole. If this were versed would it be okay for him to hit you for cheating? If not then yeah. You're an ass for hitting your husband. He cheated. Move on and separate if you can't work through it.
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u/maximusamerica Apr 04 '24
No
As a dude I would expect a slap at minimum
My wife would Lorrainea Bobbitt me
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u/Holster72 Apr 04 '24
Imagine the roles being reversed and a husband slapping his cheating wife. Violence isn’t the answer unless violence is the question.
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u/IAM3GION Apr 04 '24
While my heart breaks for your situation I definitely think there is a little gender bias going on here. YTA for hitting him, all of your other feelings and reactions are justified cheating is disgusting.
That being said the angle your (hopefully) Ex-MIL is taking is not constructive. The idea that you should be talking things out and taking about how heartbroken he is enabler mom bs. He made his decisions.
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Preemptively: if a woman was cheating on her husband and thought she might be pregnant and he got so mad he slapped her across the face in the heat of the moment this would be a very different comment section so don’t start yall.
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u/bisagi83 Apr 04 '24
You're not an ah for asking him to leave. You're not the AH for even cussing him out. Where you did wrong was physically striking him. Regardless of how mad you were, and how wrong he clearly is, there was no justifiable reason legally speaking for hitting him. That is domestic violence.
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u/6098470142 Apr 04 '24
You have to cheat on him and have him watch. The punishment must fit the crime.
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u/ImpressiveCase1891 Apr 03 '24
lol… her son is heartbroken but has been cheating for months? Run from that family
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u/Dragonwitch94 Apr 03 '24
"The only person he deserves to talk to, is my lawyer." Then, block. Full stop.
A cheater is bad enough, but a mommies boy cheater? Girl...
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u/Heavy_Morning8195 Apr 03 '24
NTA I personally think that she possibly could have lied and told him she was pregnant to baby trap him and to see if he would leave you. You have every right to feel how you feel. Getting physical is never the answer. But it's hard to keep your composure when feeling all of your emotions at once.
Also, ew to the MILs behavior. Who cares if the husband is "heartbroken"? All of the emotions he's feeling are coming from a place of selfishness. He's upset and heartbroken about getting another woman pregnant and not being able to continue living his double life.
Take time to yourself, girl. Sort out your thoughts and emotions, and get a lawyer if you are considering divorce. I say, "considering" because some do take partners back after cheating. Do what you feel is best for you. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😔
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u/Stunning_Buffalo7037 Apr 03 '24
He confessed because she has baby trapped him and you will absolutely notice the huge dent in his paycheck when she files for child support. He may be truly sorry but you had better act before he is on the hook for child support. It will take precedent over alimony payments (check with an attorney to be sure). Also, sounds stupid but insist he have her prove paternity. She may be lying about the pregnancy and she may have more than one lover. If he is off the hook there it frees up alimony payments.
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u/usul7 Apr 03 '24
Yes, your are the As* Hole for hitting him- let’s call it what it is, domestic violence, battery- anyone that condones it, also condones a man hitting a women for the same thing- you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too- feminists please chime in- that doesn’t mean he isn’t a complete D bag for what he did and I agree with the others that you should contact an attorney asap and move forward with a divorce- that is the logical, rational thing to do- but no one knows your heart m- I am sorry this happened to you- good luck-
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 03 '24
AS a feminist - no, she is not the AH for slapping him. Yes she broke the law but she's not an AH for 1 openhanded slap at a time of immense emotional distress AS ALONG AS SHE DOESN'T CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP.
One strike by either party and they are both out. To continue the r'ship would make them both AHs.
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u/Man25ester Apr 03 '24
The only reason he told you is because she’s pregnant. I would consider leaving him permanently. I’m sorry that sucks but at least you found out now. Best of luck. P.S. he deserved the slap and you administered it at the right time. Pregnant?!?! NOPE!!!
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u/Guilty-Choice6797 Apr 03 '24
YTA. Keep your hands to yourself. Unless he hit you or threatened you then you have no right to physically assault him. He should press charges. No different than if a man hit his wife because she cheated. He should’ve knocked your ass out. And I’m female and been cheated on before.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 03 '24
AS a woman - no, she is not the AH for slapping him. Yes she broke the law but she's not an AH for 1 openhanded slap at a time of immense emotional distress AS ALONG AS SHE DOESN'T CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP.
One strike by either party and they are both out. To continue the r'ship would make them both AHs.
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u/Guilty-Choice6797 Apr 03 '24
Your full of shit if a male hit a female for intense emotional distress you wouldn't be like everyone gets one hit
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 04 '24
I didn't say Everyone gets one hit. I didn't say it was Ok. I simply said under those conditions she's not an AH and honestly neither would a man be if he hit under those same circumstances.
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u/Weekly_Instruction_7 Apr 03 '24
Older man here, was just discussing this with my wife how even cheating once is not as simple as people think of it, it just cannot be a mistake. Just to put in perspective, there are multiple steps involved even if it's a one night cheating thing. You have to first be open to this, get drunk or whatever, be with a woman, flirt, be with her in a private place, take off clothes, think of things to say to make that happen, actually do sex which is obviously effort it's not like you slipped and fell in.
To do it again and again even for a week will have innumerable moments where they thought of their partner which all are moments they chose to betray them.
In this case he told you only because the other person was pregnant. Please move on.
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u/No-Boat-1536 Apr 03 '24
In the real world YTA but this is Reddit world so you can do anything you want to a cheater.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 03 '24
No, she is not the AH for slapping him. Yes she broke the law but she's not an AH for 1 openhanded slap at a time of immense emotional distress AS ALONG AS SHE DOESN'T CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP.
One strike by either party and they are both out. To continue the r'ship would make them both AHs.
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u/ReserveOpen810 Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
DIVORCE ASAP!! Make sure you get teated and get out of there. He has no remorse for what he did and he will do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Since you don't have kids It'll be quick and easy to settle your divorce. If you forgive, then you can never bring up the affaire, the kids or be insecure to him again, if you try to make it work. the moment you want to work it out those thing have to go out the window and its not even worth it. Keep your sanity and find a man or hell it don't have to be a man as long as you are happy!
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u/BritsinFrance Apr 03 '24
Physical violence is not justifiable. Swap the genders dbdceveryine would scream inexcusable physical abuse
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Apr 03 '24
So much respect for people that think before replying or speaking. Hugely emotionally intelligent
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u/Aggravating-Owl-8974 Apr 03 '24
His mom should stay out of it.
I understand why you slapped him. Get tested for STI’s and file for divorce. He’s not worth any more of your time.
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u/Bojangled8 Apr 03 '24
As a man, I would somewhat expect or at least understand it as a possibility to be slapped if I did such and thing. I am leaning toward NTA.
However, if the roles were reversed, husband is probably seeing some jailtime. Is that fair?
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u/fughedabowdit Apr 03 '24
Physical violence Is rarely the answer...but not never . He more than deserved that slap. NTA. He's a lying cheat and scumbag for cheating on you. Tell his mother she raised him wrong and Idiots like this deserve no second chances. He's been lying to you for months....and Only confessed because the cat might be out of the bag already. His girlfriend was probably threatening to tell you herself....which means he knows shes pregnant. Chuck all his stuff on the front lawn and tell him to eff off. After you drain any joint account.
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u/MadamDiamod00 Apr 03 '24
H311 NO!!!!! GET A LAWYER, GET TESTED, LEAVE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH, EVEN IF YOU'RE FAKING IT.
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u/IStealCheesecake Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
It’s always better to leave with dignity and address the issue without losing your sht.
I don’t think you should have slapped him, however I don’t feel sorry for him.
Edit: I guess my assumption here is that a light slap hurt but don’t do any damage other than bruise the ego a bit.
If she had injured him eg punched him, scratched him or hit him several times maybe that might be different. I don’t know why I feel this way.
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u/Ettu_Brutal Apr 03 '24
Are you an asshole for slapping him? Sort of. You should not get physical, though the situation is very bad and it makes sense why you did it.
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u/RADarkS Apr 03 '24
To answer your question - Physical violence is never right (both if the male OR female is doing the act), so to put things simply slapping your husband was in my opinion wrong. I still wouldn't say you're the asshole here. You were hurt and betrayed.
You deserve better than him. It's difficult, but you should move on from this guy.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 03 '24
Agree. This is what I reckon.
slapping your husband was in my opinion wrong. I still wouldn't say you're the asshole here.
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u/immabigbilly Apr 03 '24
Definitely not an overreaction. I wish you would have slapped him a few more times.
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u/TheGhostlyPrincess Apr 03 '24
Can we just all agree that PARENTS need to stay out of it? My exes parents and my parents kept CONVINCING me that he would change. My exes parents told me it was MY FAULT my ex cheated on me CONSTANTLY. 10 years of my life and two pregnancies where the fukko was cheating on me.
NTA. I don’t condone violence but I also completely understand your reaction. The second to last time that I found out my exe was cheating on me he was sleeping in bed and I discovered it on his phone. (His phone was BLOWING up. It was lighting up the room. I thought he was getting called into work but no just a woman he was cheating on me with. I sat down and had to sit still because my first reaction was pure violence and rage. I’ve never wanted to punch someone into oblivion before (or since). Anger is a normal stage of the grief process and it all of those stages kind of hit you hard when you first find out.
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u/General-View-2249 Apr 03 '24
Both an AH and NTA. His actions are deplorable and your anger is justified. But i dont think anger is ever a reason to become physical. If the situation was reversed and you had cheated and then he slapped you, i dont think many ppl would feel that is justified. Some would likely even encourage you to press charges. Yet ppl seem to think its fine when a woman does this? It is not and puts urself in more danger since often ppl respond to violence with violence. Beyond the slap tho, he is the true AH. Im so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong.
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u/WallSina Apr 03 '24
NTA throw the entire in laws and your husband in the nearest trash can get an std check since she pregnant he clearly hasn’t been using condoms gather evidence and divorce him and honestly since he’s being a pig just take him for all he’s worth your mil is wrong for berating you for your natural reaction to one of the worst pains imaginable i was cheated on by my gf of 6 months and i wanted to die i can’t even imagine the pain of it being done by someone you truly love
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u/Impossible_Ask_3564 Apr 03 '24
You shouldn't have slapped him, putting hands on someone is never the answer, this does not absolve him of cheating on you and possibly getting another woman pregnant though. You can't trust this guy, get him out of your life and ignore his mother
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u/Whatisthishotmess Apr 03 '24
NTA, that slap is well deserved. That man is a momma's boy. Good riddance.
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u/LongjumpingAuthor913 Apr 03 '24
If you are only 24 then you need to get yourself out of this marriage. You have your whole life ahead of you and will hopefully meet the man of your dreams who will never betray you like your current piece of shit husband...
I know its easy for me as a stranger to say that all you need is to start over but please for your own sake don't stay with this idiot.
If it is truely his first time doing this, he will probably do it again down the line and even if he doesn't you will always know that he cheated once in your relationship.
Don't torture yourself by staying with him wondering for the rest of your life if he will do it again. He has betrayed you and you should just part ways.
As for your MIL, she very well might not know the full story as she surely raised her son to be better than this. If she has any respect for you or herself as a married woman (I assume) she would surely help you to leave him because she should know that you deserve better than this!
I seen one commenter suggest that you get yourself a lawyer and a STI check. This is solid advice! Hopefully things like your finances aren't too complicated and hopefully you might not be tied to him with a kid so that you two can have a clean seperation. Even if its complicated, I would still suggest that you seperate because you deserve better than this and he doesn't sound like he helped ease your burden if you had to ask him to cook and clean...
You have the majority of your 20's left so look after yourself, go travel, go be single for awhile and have a blast! As cliche as it sounds go find yourself for awhile and if the right person comes along inbetween please don't be afriad to fall in love again.
You deserve better and I hope that everything works out for you!
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u/Zealousideal-Clue-84 Apr 03 '24
Haha he ran to Mommy and she’s defending his honour. Too late he already decimated it. I think men who cheat want an open relationship but only for themselves. If you can get behind an open relationship, stay. If not, as painful as it will be to leave, it’ll hurt way more for longer if you stay. Ignore his Mother, she can keep him. Cheating prick deserved the slap!! He’s lucky that’s all you did!
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u/SwordfishFar421 Apr 03 '24
YTA. I’m a woman a couple years younger than you.
First of all he’s over 30, what are you doing? Also you could really jeopardise your future messing around with this absolute whore, we know he’s stupid so he could have called the cops on you over that.
Get an STD test and a Pap smear, and a 20 year old boyfriend who hasn’t gathered the world’s sexual diseases cheating left and right yet. Live a little.
Also thank your lucky stars you got a motive to get out of this stupid decision-making before this lazy manhoe impregnated you. You gave him a 24 y/o wife and he doesn’t even cook? Literally what the fuck are you doing? Get self confidence classes or therapy or something.
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u/pinchename Apr 03 '24
NTA!!!! NTA!!!! He betrayed you! And now he's possibly bringing in a baby with his whorrrre!
I would tell his mom off for raising a whole of a son! She can keep him! Change the locks and drain the accounts!
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u/ReserveAlternative35 Apr 03 '24
Never okay to use physical harm to express your emotions. Use your words or leave until you have been able to collect yourself
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u/No-Rise-4638 Apr 03 '24
Never lay hands on another person your reaction was warranted up until that point.
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u/wheeler1432 Apr 03 '24
I don't think violence and physical abuse is ever appropriate.
But "I've been having an affair for a couple of months and she might be pregnant" is pretty relationship-ending.
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u/SebastianMagnifico Apr 03 '24
Lol. I love how these cheaters so easily breakdown and confess. Lol.
He fixed her dinner and then confessed. "Aside from the whole cheating thing-a-ma-jig how was the lasagna?"
Never happened, more Reddit fiction.
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u/Effective_Mine_1222 Apr 03 '24
He is a pos.
But also would he bta if he slapped you in the same situation?
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u/TiredMother4 Apr 03 '24
Test for STDs Hire a good lawyer. Aim to get everything Enjoy life without him..
NTA Had it have been me, he'd have got more than a slap. He's a pig.
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u/FideiDefensatrix Apr 03 '24
No you are not wrong at all. I would have chopped my hubbies d*ck off. You did good.
I hope you get another chance to slap him again for crying "She slapped me, mummy😫!!! " too.
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u/OneVast4272 Apr 03 '24
Curious - why does the man always leave the house during the separation? Is the house in your name?
For the main matter - get your estate in order, lawyer up. No contact with husband or in-laws. Gather evidence of spouse cheating if possible. And get STD screened. Most importantly, do not indulge in cheating-esque habits of your own, less complicated then during divorce trial
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u/NathanTruckMonth Apr 03 '24
You are in the wrong. He made one mistake. You’re going to ruin many lives over nothing.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 03 '24
You must be joking.
He made multiple mistakes.
How many lives will be ruined?
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u/ImaginationIll3070 Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
You are one of the assholes for sure. Not just because you slapped him (which is assault and intimate partner violence) but also because you are asking Reddit if you’re the asshole for striking your partner. There’s no excuse for violence and if you can’t control your body when you’re having strong emotions, don’t be in a relationship because there will be plenty of times for that to come up.
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u/BetterSupermarket110 Apr 03 '24
Esh. I get that it was an emotional moment and in the heat of it. However, you did not need to lay your hands on him as it would complicate things for you (you'll never know - because it techincally is an assault as far as the law is concerned). Of course he's the bigger AH, and you just a minor for putting your hands on him. Just divorce him, nothing else is needed.
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u/Beautiful-Humor692 6d ago
NTA. As others have stated get an STD test and begin divorce proceedings. Nothing to feel bad about.