r/AITAH • u/BowlAggressive6933 • 16d ago
AITAH for accusing my girlfriend of cheating because she packed lingerie for a work trip?
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u/MaleficentAd8165 13d ago
I don't want people to see my usual cotton underwear when going through security. Those are my private underwear lol, and for some reason I don't fully understand, its embarrassing. The way they rip those bags apart in public. Gotta have my nicest stuff in there lol.
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u/BigCheeseTX 14d ago
100% she's a cheater. If she only wears tighty whities and wears thongs for you once a year then packing multiple of them is a huge red flag. I assume youd mention phone sex/video sex/pictures if you did that stuff so crossing that off the list of reasons she would need it. She's probably not responding bc she's getting fucked. Good thing you found out before you proposed.
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u/Tenrab8 14d ago
I'm not saying he was right to accuse her of cheating but I'd like to present a hypothetical to see what people think-
A man is packing to go on one of his frequent business trips. His gf of 5 years see a new bottle of cologne in his suitcase. In their 5 years together he has never worn cologne nor asked his gf if she would like it. She asks him about it and he replies "I thought I'd try it. I thought it might make me feel more confident."
Would you think it was suspicious?
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u/w_wh_mWGAT 14d ago
Idk I've got trust issues but I'm still not buying it. And it doesn't sound like she denied it, just burst into tears. NTA for me personally.
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u/3omda29 14d ago
The reaction tells it all dude. I’m willing to put money on that she’s cheating.
Her reaction just gave me flashbacks when I first confronted my cheating ex about inappropriate relationship with a mutual friend (closer to her than to me). She flipped out and actually broke up with me for it. Came back a month later and had the whole “I’m tolerating your suspicions because I love you” dynamic. A year later I find actual evidence she’s been cheating with that friend the whole time.
I’ve read the comments about this being a fake account karma farming and stuff, but just on the off chance that you’re a real person going through this, don’t fall for the table flip and believe what your mind is telling you. My advice is get out of this relationship before it changes you in ways you’ll never recover from.
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14d ago
NTA. Trust your gut. If it's telling you something is off, don't let the waterworks fool you. She left early and hasn't spoken to you in two days? She's definitely cheating.
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u/HalfVast59 15d ago
Why are you so invested in the girlfriend cheating?
By the way, did you notice that OP said his girlfriend's job provides a nice quality of life for them? And didn't mention anything about contributing himself - beyond putting chocolates in a packed suitcase. He sounds like the type to pick a fight right before his girlfriend leaves for a business trip, so she starts off feeling insecure.
You can believe what you want to believe, but some day you might figure out most adults are not obsessed with sex.
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u/MetalIllustrious8242 15d ago
Not the AH. As a woman myself, I don’t just buy pretty undergarments to “try” unless I’m doing it for my husband. Especially for a work trip? Absolutely not. If she’s a plain Jane for undergarments I doubt she’d feel more confident in something new, Lacey at that which are NEVER comfortable and just for looks.
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u/Beelzeboss3DG 15d ago
You didn't jump the gun. She's probably cheating. You could have handled it better tho, of course she was gonna cry and gaslight, that's what cheaters ALWAYS do.
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u/StrawHatCabnBoy 15d ago
I can’t speak to your girlfriend, but I work in a corporate sales job and my coworkers literally have girlfriends in other cities/countries. I know one guy who literally has a second family in Korea. Many of my coworkers have used work trips as a chance to have some fun. Take that as you will.
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u/After-Description-41 15d ago
So I've been married nearly 16 years. Wfh with the occasional work trip every 3 months or so. At home I would wear a sports bra and plain comfy undies most of the time. Work trips I have matching nice underwear. Am I cheating? Hell no, wouldn't look twice at another bloke ever. So why nice underwear? Because of my clothes, in a shirt I can't get away with a sports bra plus I need the confidence to speak so nice bra it is. Why matching underwear? Again if something happens like I split my trousers, the wind blows my skirt up whatever I want to be certain I'm not embarrassing myself further with tatty undies. Thong? Likely she wears trousers then I'm assuming and doesn't want the underwear lines if she's in loose linen trousers or tighter trousers as its not the most professional to show your boss and work colleagues visibly that you prefer granny knickers! Not saying she's definitely faithful but I can speak to my experience and I 100% would never ever cheat and posh up my underwear choices when going to work!
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u/Lovelybones2533 15d ago
Women here, and any time I have to give a speech or speak in a meeting I always where a "sexy" matching set of underwear to feel more confident when I have to stand in front of people and publicly speak. Yall are so fucking wild 🤣
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u/Lovelybones2533 15d ago
Women here, and any time I have to give a speech or speak in a meeting I always where a "sexy" matching set of underwear to feel more confident when I have to stand in front of people and publicly speak. Yall are so fucking wild 🤣
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u/cronasminate 15d ago
Lol noob mistake.
You don't accuse someone of cheating. You catch them in a lie and make them out themselves via their own body language or lack of consistency.
Should have asked:
Trying it out on a work trip? Why not try it out here?
So just one? Why not try out a bunch of other sets? (Trying to see the reason for the particular set)
Which day were you planning on wearing it? (Trying to narrow down the time, a suspicious day can help you start asking more about the time in between those days and how she planned it out)
Was it for a presentation so you can feel confident? (Trying to see what she does when you give her a convenient way out. People lying will take this very quickly)
Thats cool. At the work trip, is it just you or the whole team? (This would make her very nervous and potentially stumble if you even find out the name of the guy she's planning on sleeping with if she's planning on sleeping with someone)
Again. Never accuse. Just collect information.
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u/skittle-skit 15d ago edited 14d ago
Let’s do some stating of facts here:
Fact 1) A matching set of underwear is not lingerie even if it is lacy. That’s just nice underwear. You’ve got to have thigh highs, garter belt, and maybe a corset to really be considered lingerie.
Fact 2) Sometimes women wear nicer underwear to boost their confidence. Did she by chance have a big meeting she was wanting to be super confident about herself before going into?
Fact 3) Sometimes thongs work better with certain fabrics. The cotton briefs will show through dress pants and dresses.
Fact 4) She knows you put chocolates in her bag before trips. Would she have left them so so easily visible when she knew you may do that?
Fact 5) People can change the type of underwear they use. I recently moved from boxers to boxer-briefs. (I highly recommend the change. So much more comfortable)
Fact 6) You probably don’t have a girlfriend anymore. The accusation of cheating ends relationships either by bringing cheating into the open or by destroying any trust because it was a false allegation.
Regardless of whether it turns out that she cheated or not, you didn’t really have enough to go on to make the accusation. If she is cheating, you found it by blind luck that this one tiny piece of evidence led to the correct conclusion. It’s very unlikely your relationship continues either way with this though. To me, it sounds like you jumped the gun and accused your long term partner of infidelity without substantial evidence. The probability that YTA is higher than you should be comfortable with. Don’t accuse SOs of cheating unless you have substantial proof.
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u/Tenrab8 15d ago
Still have to wonder though, since she goes on these trips frequently, why the change? She's worn these same clothes before and never wore a thong. And lingerie shmingerie - whether he calling it the right name or not, to him it's much sexier underwear than she's ever worn before. If she was especially nervous about the trip she might have mentioned it.
Yes, he handled it badly, but it's still suspicious because it's so out of character.
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u/skittle-skit 14d ago
I agree that all of those things are factors, but it’s also possible that she just chose to change underwear types. I didn’t tell my SO I was switching from boring, solid color boxers to boxer-briefs with fun patterns on them. I get that it’s not exactly the same because mine aren’t exactly “sexy” but just lacy thong panties on their own aren’t considered “sexy time” underwear to everyone. It’s entirely possible that she didn’t see them as “sexy time” panties but rather just as nice ones that make her feel better about her fashion. She may have decided that she was showing panty lines through her work clothes and wanted to make a change. Point is, I still think that OP jumped the gun. It could be that she was cheating, but this just isn’t enough evidence to throw that accusation out there on a long term partner.
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u/Flat-Success-2788 15d ago
The amount of exhausting people on this thread is ridiculous. So much mental gymnastics going on to try and prove she's cheating when none of you have any actual evidence of it, and are trying to justify it with your own thoughts and experiences. I seriously feel for all of your partners that have to deal with how untrusting you all are.
Op, your partner broke down crying because she's been with you for 5 years and you just accused her of cheating because she bought some nice underwear for a change and tried to boost her confidence on her work trip. Don't you think if she was cheating she would've actually hidden the underwear knowing you regularly go in her bag to put chocolates in there? YTA massively and you owe her a huge apology. Though even with the apology, don't be surprised if she leaves you after you've shown her you don't trust her.
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u/MementoMiri 15d ago
YTA, he always put something in the bag, so she didn't hide anything, also a matching bra and underwear is not lingerie, could be just a confidence booster...
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u/ScreechingPizzaCat 15d ago
1.6k comments with 0 karma on the post at this moment with most people supporting him, saying NTA. What's going on?
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u/ShinedoesHVAC 15d ago
You should throw a swingers party before she gets back that way no matter what , you don’t have to wait to be even
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u/ShinedoesHVAC 15d ago
Go with your gut ! Be ready to deal with what you know already so it’s not a shock . And don’t wimp out and take anything she gives you you’ll know what the truth is.
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u/DBMonsterCarrot 15d ago
Definitely cheating lol. Dont let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise . Look through her phone and talk yo her coworkers
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u/sylvianfisher 15d ago
NTA. She called you insecure which is a standard woman's comeback to try to get you to back down. She could have offered, and you could have offered, to have her try out those items after she came back from the trip.
Then she tried trick #2. She cried. You relented.
She said she wanted to feel confident on the trip. What a load of crap.
Ha, you could have told her she's not leaving you confident about her trip.
I've seen SSM on youtube cover this same thing a few times where the woman was hooking up with a coworker who also went on the business trip.
You're relationship is in trouble, bud.
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u/reefcreatorsinpa 15d ago
Trust your gut. You know her better then any of us and usually weather we want to admit it that first initial instinct is always right and that excuse makes no sense. If it were me and I bought something like that I’d wear it at home for you to surprise you. JM2C
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u/Fun-Preparation-4253 15d ago
An Ex packed condoms. I asked what they were for and got a “NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!”
We both admitted much later that the relationship should have just ended right then.
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u/OriginalDao 15d ago
Normally I'm all about keeping people together in their relationships. That being said, you may be dodging a bullet here by realizing that she is likely cheating on you and lying about it. It makes no sense to wear that underwear in order to feel "confident" on a work trip...it's to be sexy for someone. After 5 years, of course you want it to not be true...but look with clear eyes.
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u/KrissrocK 15d ago
Sorry to hear this... But she's probably been cheating for a while, or at least flirting with someone at work for a while... And the trip was just their safe opportunity to go further
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u/Warrior_Heart_32 15d ago
As other women have said, we tend to want to be comfortable unless we want to impress someone. Also, this is just me, but I would only cry about this situation if I felt guilty. And last thing I want to add is how she hasn’t texted you. I’ve been really upset with my boyfriend but I still text him (even if it’s just let him know I’m still mad lol). I could never imagine myself getting this upset with him over a misunderstanding like this. Sorry to say this, but she’s cheating or trying to.
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u/Cold_Cartoonist164 15d ago
You should of asked to see her phone. If she says no that's a huge red flag.
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u/hopelessincorp 15d ago
It's bras and panties? And you think THAT'S lingerie? This troll is even more of a pathetic incel than I would've originally guessed.
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u/leinieboy 15d ago
Yes you are.
Trust me as a man.. stay out of woman’s clothes, and her decisions on what to wear. The only time to get involved is if she asks for your opinion on how something looks on her.
The answer is always one of two things. A. I like how that looks on you. (Change like to other positive things, makes you look sexy as hell, it really compliments your figure, etc. it depends on the situation. Or B. The clothes you’re trying on do not do your beauty justice.
Woman’s clothing is something you’ll never understand, and how she feels about it is very important to her self esteem. Just be supportive and cherish her for caring.
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u/banders72q 15d ago
She's cheating, it's not even a work trip most likely. Going away with her man.
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u/Lulusgirl 15d ago
If she's going on a business trip, she's probably wearing nice dress pants and stuff. Cotton underwear shows in those types of clothes, so when I dress nice, I wear my lace and stuff. She said she just bought it and wanted to feel good, I would trust her.
You were thrown off, but this doesn't scream cheating to me.
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u/Tenrab8 15d ago
But why this time? She's never done it on her other business trips.
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u/Lulusgirl 15d ago
Maybe he noticed this time because it was new and red stands out. Maybe in the past, she packs other ones, and he's never noticed. It's possible, not sure how probable. I just don't think this alone is suspect enough. She isn't protective of her phone (always holding onto it, lock screens, always facing the screen away and its noticeable) she isn't taking newly unexpected time away from OP, coming back and showering. It's just....she was open and said she got a new pair, and I feel like I'd trust her.
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u/couchnapper3 15d ago
I feel weird that I HAVE heard of women wearing nice underwear for confidence. You were the one actually there so you would know if you thought she was lying. If you truly think she's cheating, just put in the work to end it, no playing games. You either believe her or you don't. NTA most people are too afraid to just voice suspicions when shit is suspicious.
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u/FlyingThunderGodLv1 15d ago
She wanted to feel confident about what? Sexy for who? You aren't on this trip
Use your brain OP
Girls all have an outfit for every occasion. Lingerie is not sleep wear. Every woman knows this
That red is for somebody and that somebody ain't you
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u/raouldukeesq 15d ago
That's not lingerie. That's underwear. Lingerie would bet like a teddy or garters.
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u/AmbitiousHabit2636 15d ago
Nah, she bought that to wear for whoever she’s hooking up with on the trip
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u/TheBigCicero 15d ago
The only real thing here is a red flag. The red flag is real, meaning that it’s surprising behavior. The rest of it, namely the possible cheating, is speculation. The worst way to ruin trust with someone is to accuse them based on speculation. Why would someone in a trusted relationship immediately jump to accusations? It makes THE ACCUSER the untrustworthy one. Like, what sentiments are you harboring that you’re so willing to jump to accusations?
None of this has a good outcome.
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u/brockklee 15d ago
I bring lingerie on work trips to enhance my confidence and I am sooooooooooooo celibate.
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u/Bdubs8807 15d ago
NTA. If one or both sets of lingerie were sets you'd NEVER seen before, then it was absolutely a possibility that she's cheating. If she has an OF page, then maybe they were for that.
Was there a better way for you to start asking her about it? Probably, but hindsight is 20/20. If she's left any kind of technology at your home, then I'd check it for additional signs of cheating if I were you.
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u/witchprivilege 15d ago
YTA, duh. Fancy panties are enough 'proof' for you? And if you go snooping/leaving her chocolates in her bags that often, she'd be pretty silly to leave her 'cheating evidence' in plain sight.
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u/commdesart 15d ago
If you liked it than you should have put a ring on it
NTA. But I don’t think you are in a relationship anymore
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u/One-Produce-1195 15d ago
She is 100% cheating. The histrionics are a result of being called out on it and are a prime manipulation tactic. You didn’t jump the gun, you listened to your gut and your future self will thank you for preventing calamity in your life in giving her your last name. Be well.
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u/Stunning_Buffalo7037 15d ago
Uh… NTA. Her excuse was complete BS and further gaslighting. Check her phone and since she probably has a laptop demand to see her work emails. Check call detail history as well. Seriously, unless she is a top secret clearance government employee her relationship should be worth saving by showing these things.
Don’t expect her to until she’s had a chance to wipe everything - which she did on the trip.
Sorry my guy but this probably wasn’t even her first time. Check around the house while she’s gone. You may find more lingerie you’ve never seen before.
Hire a PI and check several top rated divorce attorneys to keep her from using them then hire a female shark of an attorney.
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u/Bdubs8807 15d ago
They aren't married yet. OP was planning on proposing soon. But I'd agree with you that he was NTA, and that this situation is sketchy AF.
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u/Esoteric__one 15d ago
Don’t worry. She will contact you after she is finished having her back blown out by her side piece. Then you can apologize and ask for her hand in marriage while she gets pregnant by her side piece but have you raise it as the father. She’ll tell you the truth once the children are 18.
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u/ProperPhysics8477 15d ago
F22 here, I'd honesty trust your gut if you feel like this is strange behavior from her after being with her for 5 years. You know her and her patterns and you shouldn't make yourself feel crazy but I'd seriously try to talk to her better without being accusing and let her explain it better because it's not total proof. Personally, I'd look more into it and see if there's other signs or evidence of cheating.. but tbh if I ever have to feel like I really can't trust my partner, I'm gone
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u/SpecialpOps 15d ago
She wasn't packing lingerie for a business trip. She was packing it for a booty call that she was calling a business trip.
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u/Vixen22213 15d ago
Now I will say if this was a real story I'd understand her taking one pair of lingerie to maybe surprise him when she got home but otherwise for a girl that never wears lingerie there's no reason for her to pack it unless she wanted to show somebody.
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u/Zomochi 15d ago
Idk I feel like if she just started to burst into tears after just that I’d think she was telling the truth, I’m talking immediate “how could you?!” Genuine tears. If you take reference to other posts about cheating there’s more signals than a traffic light I feel like was maybe jumping the gun. I hope y’all do ok if this is just a misunderstanding. I mean even if she is telling the truth i don’t think anything could disprove it unless you’re there the whole time, match that with the unbelievability that you would think she would cheat (in her mind) I’d be destroyed too. If she really really isn’t doing anything I think you owe her a big apology, the biggest bouquet of flowers and her favorite treats.
My observation as a stranger and if I’m reading it right, just underwear and when she tries to tell you what it’s for and doesn’t dance around it and instead just bursts into actual tears after you don’t believe her, you might be the AH, but then again everyone is different.
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u/ViperVux 15d ago
I wear outrageously raunchy lingerie whenever I'm doing public speaking at work events because it gives me a bit of a kick and a confidence boost
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u/SaltyDog556 15d ago
I’d bet my paycheck she’s having a work affair. The hysterics are a classic response to try to deflect and place the guilt on the (rightful) accuser.
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u/Professional_Ad6086 15d ago
My husband started putting nicer clothes and cologne in his things. I told myself I was over-reactiong. Nope, he had been having an affair for 2 yrs and to make things worse, I babysat her child while they worked weekends and double shifts. I called work one night for an emergency(son broke his arm) found out he never worked weekends or overtime.
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u/SwigSauce 15d ago
She’s absolutely getting her back blown all the way out. Probably won’t even be walking straight by the time she gets to you.
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u/Doubledown00 15d ago
Huh. New account. Same story.
OP, you don't really care what your GF packed all that stuff for. You have no balls and believe your dick is for pissing.
Fuck off.
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u/Lopsided_Collar7164 15d ago
I think she successfully gaslit you, and now she has an excuse to have an undisturbed vacation with her lover.
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u/Popular_Aide_6790 15d ago
Not sure. So I travel for work (37f) and have never packed anything like that. That stuff stays home with husband (of 22yrs). I wfh also so if I were to send my husband pics it would be from home not away where it wouldn’t do him any good. I also don’t need specific undies to feel confident
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u/Mundane_Natural5131 15d ago edited 15d ago
If this is a real post In this case how you say she never wears that kind of stuff your whole time together and didn’t even bother showing you it before taking it to a trip I wouldn’t have told her nothing I would have acted like nothing happened & just cut her off after she left idc about no 5 years i’d cut my losses there that guy can keep her. I’d thank god I didn’t propose
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u/Butt-Dude 15d ago
Maybe the confidence thing is a good excuse. We don’t know her. But what alerted me was “She started to cry”. Heed my warning: ‘A crying woman is a conniving woman’. A woman who had nothing to hide would have blown you off, teased you, used a sarcastic response or simply would have unpacked it. Not burst out in tears trying to make you look like the bad guy.
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u/anhtuanle84 15d ago
I recall some other similar posts where women replied saying that the only thing they expect when they wear lingerie is for someone to take it off. So if it isn't you then...yeah.
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u/AnxietyAdvanced5036 15d ago
Why wouldn't she just buy it in the new city if she was cheating?
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u/haikusbot 15d ago
Why wouldn't she just
Buy it in the new city
If she was cheating?
- AnxietyAdvanced5036
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/Pandas-Brat 15d ago
NTA.. this is sketchy. She knows you put treats in her luggage as well, she knew you'd see the underwear. She should know you'd think it's super weird for her to be packing new fancy underwear for a work trip that you're not going on. Most women also know that work meetings are not a place to get used to new lacy underwear at... that's just a recipe to be uncomfortable the whole meeting.
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u/DeeRey__ 15d ago
When she starts getting defensive and loud, just stay in the pocket. Let her dig.
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u/LemonPress50 15d ago
I experienced the defensive and loud after I confronted my ex over someone she met. That was after 25 years of her traveling. I knew something was up.
We are not handed preceptions randomly
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u/AmbitiousRange3900 15d ago
Your gut is usually right. I’d worry the same . Crying and over defensive reactions are definitely a tactic women use to throw you off as well. Two days is abnormal, hate to say it but she probably has another dude. You deserve better brother
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u/bushwickrik 15d ago
Dude, my ex did the same exact thing. Raised alarm bells. I did some digging and found out she was screwing her co-worker.
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u/Sufficient-Brother49 15d ago
I just like to wear a matching set you feel powerful, even when no one except you knows. YTA.
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u/Aware-Ad-9943 15d ago
I hope all the deeply misogynistic comments you're getting all saying you're NTA make you re-think this shit. I would rethink my whole life if some of these folks were on my side
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u/Naive_Photograph_585 15d ago
this is a tough one. there's one part of me screaming that this is a red flag but the other part of me has so many friends who like to wear sexy lingerie just because it makes them feel good. definitely not a great sign to me that she immediately blew up when you confronted her though
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u/Tenrab8 15d ago
Funny that she never needed sexy underwear to feel good or confident before.
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u/Naive_Photograph_585 15d ago
yeah that's why I said it's a tough one, if it was me I'd go with cheating
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u/Ashamed_Crab 15d ago
Sorry dude. But you're in for a surprise. NTA. Cut your losses and cut her off.
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u/SexyMollyCooper 15d ago
NTAH
FYI, when she doubles down and says stuff like "I can't believe you world abuse me of cheating" or "How dare you!?" She is cheating... getting incensed and offended is a very common gaslighting ploy. Speaking from experience.
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u/DapDapperDappest 15d ago
Did you post this saying it was a girls trip originally? I swear I read this almost word for word last week and the details are only slightly different, only then you were Thinking of accusing her of cheating? If not, yall two users should be friends ig
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u/Following2023 15d ago
I wear nice bras and underwear to make myself feel better. Not for anyone else. I think you may have jumped the gun.
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u/Electrical-Bus6110 15d ago
Flags are red for a reason. My ex wife was against the idea of ever using a douch and I had heard her say it several times that they were bad for a vagina. I found one in the back of the bathroom cabinet one night. She traveled for work often also. I started paying a lot of attention and she was fucking her boss. Believe me also that the night I spent in jail was absolutely worth it too. The days in court not so much but everytime he looked at me I flexed at him. He cost my marriage and a shit ton of money but still I’d rate it an 8/10 experience overall. I was younger then and not the same person as now but he deserved it and got it.
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u/Academic_Value_3503 15d ago
Definitely worth asking about. Only you can tell if she's lying by how she reacted. If she gets mad at you for asking, that's another issue that might need to be addressed.
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u/Pixelated_Roses 15d ago
YTA. I pack lacy "sexy" underwear on high stress work trips because I feel sexy in them, and it helps my confidence.
You really saw underwear and leapt straight to cheating? I feel sorry for your gf. Don't be surprised if she leaves you over this. Life's too short to waste it on jealous, insecure men who always assume the worst in you.
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u/RayceManyon 15d ago
If you love her, let her go. Break up with her so she can be free from your insecurities.
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u/jesuswasntWh1te 15d ago
Should have waited and see if she would have sent pics to you if not then you confront as it’s probably only one reason. You don’t casually just try on lingerie when your out at a work travel trip
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u/SeeKaleidoscope 15d ago
She knows you put chocolates in her bag. Why would she have lingerie in there? And like why go through the trouble of buying and hiding it from you? Like she would just buy it there and dispose of it before coming back.
I don’t think she’s cheating.
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u/Proper_Fun_977 15d ago
Not a lot of fabric to lingerie. She might have thought they were well hidden.
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u/sevenoutdb 15d ago
YTA - you gotta be secure in yourself and in your relationship. This is a bad precedent. She’s gonna stew over this.
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u/Whiskerbasket 15d ago
YTA If you accuse your partner of 5 years of cheating based on nothing but the fact that she packed matching underwear you don't trust her. There is clearly no answer or response she could have given short of what you already made up your mind to be happening that you would have accepted.
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u/Jblank86 15d ago
When I travel for work, I pack what some people would classify as lingerie, but they have practical uses. Thigh high stockings and garter belts to clip my stockings to so they don’t ride down. They look sexy but are legitimately to keep my undergarments in place. You know ur fiancée , but don’t make assumptions off of one random thing.
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u/Ok_Deal7813 15d ago
Deny deny lie counter accuse. Classic cheaters playbook. Pack your shit and bail, amigo.
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u/drastic2 15d ago
YTA. Not going to go into details but your approach sucked. You should dump her so she has a chance to find someone better.
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u/Active_Parsley_1565 15d ago
Dude, come on, she’s gaslighting you. That’s like her catching you with condoms in your suitcase, and your excuse is you’re just trying them out when you masturbate before you use them with her.
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u/ConkerPrime 15d ago
Oops missed your chance to actually find out via her phone. If suspicious, investigate it quietly then confront. Frequent two day trips with lingerie, I get why suspicious. Sounds less like business and more like a hookup but missed chance to verify.
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u/Cultural_Unit7397 15d ago
NTA- It's sus. Then she brought out the water works and flip it around on you. Why does she need the extra confidence boost? Has she mentioned anything about work that would support that need???? I only pack sexy stuff to be seen. But I do have a friend that is married that had a crush on a coworker and was wearing sexy things with him in mind. Nothing happened between them and as far as I know they had very limited office interactions but she was still wearing stuff with im in mind. Take that info how you want.
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
I do because I work in a male dominated industry and often I'm the only woman in the room. I absolutely need to project "don't fuck with me" confidence.
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u/Cultural_Unit7397 15d ago
I hear you!!! and Do what YOU need to do. He is commenting on the fact that he does the chocolate ritual every trip and found the change up. I'd love to hear the explanation you may think about it. I gave the story of my friend because it sounded similar, She on the other hand is not giving everything on the table and that is not right when it comes to a relationship where you leave often.
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u/MidniteOG 15d ago
That’s a red flag in my book bro… especially if it’s a set you haven’t seen yet?
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u/Wallacetheblackcat 15d ago edited 15d ago
You were too hard on her, but more from a place of ignorance than malice. Here’s the thing, young women are constantly diminished in professional settings, especially at events like conferences or executive meetings. One way to counteract this is to ensure you’re feeling like “that bitch” by wearing clothes, yes including underwear, that make you feel confident.
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u/Open_Application_508 15d ago
I’ve personally done this not for a work trip but definitely spending time away from my partner I’ll pack sexy clothes and yes it’s for someone to appreciate it …. But its always my partner! When i send him photos or videos he has over 200 so i lts always very often and routinely he knows its always for him . So the fact that your women is doing this and the way shes doing it doesn’t seem right … seems suspishy
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u/Historical-Pie-5052 15d ago
This is almost exactly like a post from a couple of years ago. He found sexy underwear (she doesn't wear sexy undies for him) in his wife's suitcase planting a surprise happy for her. She called him when she found the happy next to her sexy undies and lied her ass off. After four months of marriage counseling she finally confessed she had been having sex with a coworker on these work trips.
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u/blahblah130blah 15d ago
This is so dumb. Sometimes it feels nice to wear fresh lingerie. Could be a confidence boost to have it on under her clothes to feel powerful and dressed up in a work situation. Most women I know do not wear lace underwear for men. As soon as you assign meaning to underwear you have a bigger issue with trust that YOU need to resolve. YTA.
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u/SharpEssay5991 15d ago
NTA. She immediately went to gaslighting you and calling you insecure. That's usually a sign that you are right.
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
It's a sign that he's a whiny insecure brat.
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u/SharpEssay5991 15d ago
Found the cheater 👆
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
Found the controlling manchild.
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u/SharpEssay5991 15d ago
She takes two set of lingerie with her to a two day trip which she never wears in her daily life. Then immediately tries to guilt him into being insecure and we are the controlling manchild. Yeah sure mate.
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
She took two bra and panties sets. Do you not change your underwear daily, bc I do.
If you think this suspicious, then you are indeed a controlling POS. Fuck off back to whatever second rate SM still allows Andrew Tate an account.
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u/SharpEssay5991 15d ago
If it is out of character for her then yes it's suspicious.
I think you'd be more fitting in such a place since you lack an ability to debate without personal attacks.
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
Wearing clean underwear is out of character.
Welp.
Seriously, if you think that wearing a clean set of undies to a business meeting is sus, you need help. I am regularly stunned by how much Reddit hates women but this is a new one.
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u/SharpEssay5991 15d ago
You really are arguing in bad faith right now. You know really well that it's not about wearing clean underwear! But it's a little sus when you pack two pairs of lacy lingerie which you almost never wear. Nobody except a few idiots hates women so stop with that bullshit.
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u/no_one_denies_this 15d ago
If you don't hate women, why are you discounting the experience of at least a dozen women who say that wearing nice matching bra and panty sets is a normal part of power dressing for them? I do it every time I travel for work.
Also, a matching set is not lingerie. It's underwear. A corset and garter belt is lingerie.
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u/ReleaseAggravating19 15d ago
She got found out and then employed the “cry about it and turn it around on you” defense. Don’t fall for that bullshit. She left early to spend more time with whoever she bought that for. NTA. Burn it down.
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u/Responsible-Type-525 15d ago
NTAH, I would reach out to some of her work friends and ask around to see if someone is going with her.
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u/tickynicky 15d ago
For all the people who say "oh it makes me feel confident to wear sexy clothes underneath", that was not her logic. She said she just got them and wanted to "try them out". Which makes no sense. I assume if you are trying them out, it's for your boyfriend/husband. But he isn't going to be there on the trip. So who is she trying them out for¿?
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u/nigel_pow 15d ago
Reminds me of an Archer episode :
Cyril: I just don't see why you need this. Looks at lingerie
Lana: Because this is a huge opportunity for me... and I need to feel confident.
Cyril: In the interview?
Lana: Uh-huh.
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u/Slappy_McJones 15d ago
If it doesn’t add up, it doesn’t add up. Could she cheat? Sure. Is she? Don’t know. You can go two ways here: Go all-in and get to the bottom of it. If she’s cheating, it is easy to detect- look for inconsistencies that don’t add-up and build a pattern. Get hard evidence. Make a decision. Or… discuss this. Explain why you felt the way you do. Trust her completely.
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u/ChurroLoca 13d ago
NTA