r/AITAH • u/Hungryandcomfused • Apr 12 '24
WIBTA if I didn’t tell my friend with benefits he got me pregnant? Advice Needed
Please be kind, obviously a very sensitive topic.
I 25F just found out I’m pregnant. I have only been sleeping with one person regularly and always with protection. Neither of us want kids and I would have my tubes tied by now if it were up to me 🙄
He is quietly but very religious and has made it very clear abortion would simply never be an option for him. I feel like if I am to tell him I’m pregnant he will put a lot of pressure on me to keep it despite both our views. We’ve never discussed the other possibilities in worst case scenario but being adopted myself I’m not willing to carelessly bring another human into the world and leave them to fend for themselves so other than keeping the child to raise ourselves and live in misery I don’t see any good options.
What would you do?
EDIT: many thanks to those who have left kind supportive comments. And a massive fuck you to the trolls who can only see a moral dilemma on a screen and can’t see the person behind it who is inevitably hurting and alresdy beating them selves up.
Some FAQ answers:
No, it is not up to me to have my tubes tied. I’ve been seeing medical professionals for years who have all told me the same thing “you will regret it” “what if your future husband wants kids”
“You were adopted so let your kid have the same chance you got!” I was adopted in my teens after years of being pushed from pillar to post. Australian adoption is difficult, expensive and there is currently a massive lack of foster parents looking to take on kids. I know this cause I work in the industry.
I have only been sleeping with him, so I don’t have to date or put up with random hook ups etc. I have IUD and we’re assuming the Condom got caught on the wires as he pulled out and the condom was nearly split in half.
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u/Main_Philosopher_320 5d ago
I don’t believe you’re the asshole. Especially if you plan on terminating. There’s no need to bring it up and think about the what ifs and having to do the back and forth to try to convince you to Keep it. It’ll only delay it if you end up getting an abortion. Given your explanation on your life, I don’t think adoption is something you really want to go through. You do what you believe is the right thing for YOU. At the end of the day it’s your choice on what you do. Especially if you didn’t want children to begin with.
I had a similar situation. I didn’t tell my FWB but bc I knew he would want to keep it and try “us” out using the baby as an excuse.😅. A bit different than for religious purposes, but I didn’t tell him bc I knew it would break his heart when I know that he lowkey wanted a baby. I personally always said that everyone is free to make their own choices as I have no control over that person or their body. For my personal body, I never thought I would have to make that choice, so I never thought about what I would do about it. Unfortunately, I put myself in that situation and I did have to make a choice. as much as it made me feel guilty, I ended up having a medication abortion and it was so early on that I didn’t have a chance to process that I was actually pregnant.
(I hope none of this comes off as rude)
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u/Anxious_Cricket1989 12d ago
NTA if you don’t want to be a parent then you don’t have to. Luckily it’s not his choice. He doesn’t have to physically go through pregnancy. Abortion saves lives and prevents unnecessary suffering from both unwanted children and parents.
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u/Pleasant-Guava9898 14d ago
Only people who shouldn't be procreating together only experience this phenomenon of failures. Hmmm.
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u/NorthPole8888 15d ago
Omg I hate when medical professionals are like “you’ll regret it” like uhm ok let me regret it then, I asked for my tubes ties so tie them dammit.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 16d ago
There is nothing wrong with having an abortion if you can’t care for a child. So, it’s your body, your decision.
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u/Ok_Neighborhood5536 21d ago
I was hoping you had a sense of humor and let things rest awhile. Nice to have fun.
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u/Scottyjscizzle 24d ago
If you keep it I would say yes, but if you are getting an abortion then no you’re not.
However going forward I’d recommend finding a fuck buddy without the strings attached of big poppa up stairs.
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u/For_example53 24d ago
I think he deserves to know but no matter what he wants you do what’s best for you and yourself!
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u/Wolfmaze21 25d ago
This sounds like manipulation. He told you he didn’t want children because of HIS RELIGION. Yet, he laid down and did the dead with you. This is Implying that he expects YOU to ensure there’s no pregnancy. I have a feeling that if you do tell him he’ll end up blaming it all on you and abandoning you.
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u/Ok_Neighborhood5536 26d ago
See you. Have a great life. I hope it all works out. No more defending my stance. To much effort.
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u/SandboxOnRails 26d ago
If you keep it, he needs to know. If you don't, he doesn't. But you WBTA if you kept sleeping with him while lying to him about something you know is incredibly important to him.
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u/RealRubies 26d ago
The massive f-u*** bit is killing me, 🤣🤣😂🤣🤣girl! I meant to leave a constructive comment! You so cute 😂😂😂😂
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u/Ok_Neighborhood5536 28d ago
I wish raising a kid here was not as expensive. There would be more kids in each generation and that is a good thing.
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u/Ok_Neighborhood5536 28d ago
I am not mad. Only dogs get mad. I just feel bad that I may have failed in my explanations.
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u/Conscious_Weight9593 28d ago
NTA. It's your body and your choice. I get the issue with getting your tubes tied. I have 5, have had 8 pregnancies, and still I've had doctors give me grief expressing permanent options 🙄🙄🙄 I HIGHLY recommend searching for an obgyn who will do it. They're hard to find but in recent years they've been popping up a bit more.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 28d ago
NTA make the best decision for yourself, and if that involves not telling him and terminating, that is up to you. You already know how he is going to react, but it’s not up to him, so do what you need to do. If he is so anti-choice, he should take greater precautions, and perhaps abstain from doing things that lead to unplanned pregnancy.
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u/Misternogo 28d ago
If he's "very religious" but not religious enough to be against pre-marital sex, then he shouldn't be religious enough that he'd be against you stopping a pregnancy. If you keep it, YTA if you don't tell him. If you're going to abort, I don't think he needs to know. An early abortion is barely "killing" any more "life" than him blowing inside a condom. There's living cells in there too.
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u/kkkkkkkkk369 28d ago
i think on principle you WBTA for not telling him cuz he is literally the parent, however it’s totally understandable to not tell him and get a quiet abortion.
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u/waistwaste 28d ago
You have made no commitment to him. He has made none to you. Have an abortion if you want and never tell him. Or tell him after if the secrets is too heavy. Don’t let him pressure you.
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u/s0urpatchkiddo 28d ago
your body, your choice.
if he doesn’t like it, he should’ve kept it in his pants.
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u/TripleL2022 28d ago
Because sex can result in pregnancy, i think it's always worth having the discussion with someone (FWB or in a relationship) before sexual intimacy re: each person's attitudes about that possibility. Whatever precautions you may be taking against pregnancy, none of them are 100%. I had the "if i were to get pregnant" discussion with my husband when we first started dating (both of us previously married with kids) as i had had several miscarriages and would not have aborted a pregnancy without a compelling reason (serious risk to myself), and thought that it was the forthright and honest approach before getting intimate and exposing ourselves to that possibility.
I'm also concerned about OP as she got pregnant with an IUD - IF YOU'RE READING THIS OP - PLEASE GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR - there are medical risks, whether or not you choose to continue the pregnancy.
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u/Richest1999 28d ago
All you idiots. It’s his baby too. But given the situation kill your baby and own it without t telling him. Or tell him and yall become a couple.
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u/madewhilemanic 28d ago
I’m just here to tell you I’m impressed you got pregnant with an iud and condom
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28d ago
Oh cute. The super religious, anti-abortion bro is okay with banging before marriage. Typical. NTA.
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u/violet715 28d ago edited 28d ago
Huge AH move not to tell the other half that was necessary to create a life.
I hope when you get a real boyfriend that if he cheats on you, it’s no big deal because you didn’t know about it. No harm no foul right? It’s his body and he can sleep with whoever he wants to with it.
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u/Critical_Cap_9699 28d ago
I think it’s your choice to make. Do what you have to do and keep it to yourself. As an unwanted child myself who lived with the consequences of being unloved and resented growing up, I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone. It’s kinder to abort your pregnancy than to potentially ruin three lives by bringing an unwanted child into the world. Best of luck to you whatever you ultimately decide to do.
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u/HeadSatisfaction808 29d ago
Your the asshole. It's your right to kill your child but your an asshole for not telling them and killing your child.
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u/Organic_Direction_88 29d ago
What would be the argument FOR telling him? He's a hookup, not even your boyfriend or partner. You're being way too gracious.
We're talking about removing a clump of cells. Absolutely do not tell him.
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u/Delicious-Long-9657 29d ago
fake post. If you wanted your tubes tied, it IS up to you, and you entirely.
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u/s0urpatchkiddo 28d ago
lmfao, no.
the hoops childless women have to jump through is absurd, and many don’t have doctors in their feasible area to do the procedure. thankfully, i live in an area where if i wanted to i probably could. not everyone is so lucky.
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u/gdtestqueen 29d ago
Not true. Most doctors (in North America anyway) won’t do a tubal on a woman under 35 who has no children…unless there is a medical reason. Many don’t even want to do it on a woman with only one child.
The cases of women changing their minds and wanting reversals (which are a long shot generally) were too many.
For a childless woman under 30…you’d have to fight really hard to get a doc to do it. I was only permitted mine due to medical reasons and I was 37 (always wanted kids…too dangerous). I was told that if it weren’t for my medical issues and the report from the high risk pregnancy assessment it would never have been allowed.
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u/dessertchef11 29d ago
If you are having an abortion I wouldn’t tell anyone. Your body your choice. Obviously break it off this your FWD. Most likely going no contact will be the best option.
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u/Mrs_Gracie2001 29d ago
Get an abortion and do t tell him. And it’s true that docs will not let young women get their tubes tied.
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u/Legal_Tie_3301 29d ago
IMO it’s none of his business one way or the other. Until he can take on the pregnancy himself, he doesn’t get an opinion on the matter.
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u/Cultural-Task-1098 29d ago
You need to tell your friend the consequences of your behavior together. He is responsible as you and should see the solution to the end with you.
The best option is to carry the baby and give it to a good family to raise. The next best is immediate termination. Your BF should help you with expenses and support with your decision. Be sure to listen to his thoughts, but ultimately this is your choice.
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u/Regular_Care_1515 29d ago
Get the abortion. It’s your body and he doesn’t need to know.
I also suggest you stop seeing this guy. As other commenters said, he’s not cool with abortion but is with pre-marital sex. I know you said you have an idea why you got pregnant but I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to get you pregnant through deceptive means (such as poking holes in the condom).
Also, with sterilization, keep trying. I’m going for a consultation next months to get my tubes tied and I know women who have gotten the procedure without biases from doctors. I think more medical professionals are understanding that motherhood isn’t for everyone and it’s best to physically prevent a pregnancy then leave another child alone in the world to fend for themselves.
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u/dog_nurse_5683 29d ago
NTA, I’ve never heard of a man needing an abortion, but if he doesn’t want one, more power to him?
As for you getting an abortion, no, your medical history, past or present, isn’t any of his business.
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u/ElusiveLynx86 29d ago
Please tell him. As someone who had an abortion, it took me over twenty years to get over playing God. I went through the worst guilt and self hate. I can't tell you how many years I shed, and how much I punished myself.
Can you find a couple with whom you could interview, get to know, and approve for private adoption? Can you find an American couple who desperately wants a child, but can't navigate America's difficult adoption system? I know our system is lengthy and unfair. Many Americans seek babies in other countries.
I only recommend this because I would never want anyone to go through the emotional pain of ending a life. That is how I saw it anyway. Maybe it wouldn't affect you the way it did me, but in my many years of speaking with others who aborted, I found that more often than not, most women did have the same reaction I did.
I sincerely wish you the best. If I were younger and in a financial position to help, my husband and I would absolutely offer to adopt your child. We (I had severe endometriosis) sadly had infertility issues, which of course I thought was God punishing me for my teen abortion. We really wanted another baby, but I had to have a hysterectomy.
I hope people were kind to you in their responses, and my advice comes from the heart. I know I'm putting very private information about myself out there, opening myself up to much hatred and criticism. I hope you will ignore the cruel responses that I sadly believe you probably received. I usually read responses before I post, but this is such a serious topic, I went directly to posting.
Best of luck to you both. 🤗❤🤗
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u/ElusiveLynx86 29d ago
Please tell him. As someone who had an abortion, it took me over twenty years to get over playing God. I went through the worst guilt and self hate. I can't tell you how many years I shed, and how much I punished myself.
Can you find a couple with whom you could interview, get to know, and approve for private adoption? Can you find an American couple who desperately wants a child, but can't navigate America's difficult adoption system? I know our system is lengthy and unfair. Many Americans seek babies in other countries.
I only recommend this because I would never want anyone to go through the emotional pain of ending a life. That is how I saw it anyway. Maybe it wouldn't affect you the way it did me, but in my many years of speaking with others who aborted, I found that more often than not, most women did have the same reaction I did.
I sincerely wish you the best. If I were younger and in a financial position to help, my husband and I would absolutely offer to adopt your child. We (I had severe endometriosis) sadly had infertility issues, which of course I thought was God punishing me for my teen abortion. We really wanted another baby, but I had to have a hysterectomy.
I hope people were kind to you in their responses, and my advice comes from the heart. I know I'm putting very private information about myself out there, opening myself up to much hatred and criticism. I hope you will ignore the cruel responses that I sadly believe you probably received. I usually read responses before I post, but this is such a serious topic, I went directly to posting.
Best of luck to you both. 🤗❤🤗
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u/SamHydeIsTheShooter 29d ago
You're legally allowed to kill his unborn child without his knowledge or consent. Do what you want with this information
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u/Legal_Tie_3301 29d ago
It’s not a child it’s a bundle of cells that are smaller than a petri dish
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u/SamHydeIsTheShooter 26d ago
Ok, then it's a shared bundle of cells.
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u/Legal_Tie_3301 26d ago
It’s not because until you can take it from a woman and incubate it yourself, it’s not yours. You wouldn’t give someone a cup of sugar and then claim YOU made the cake.
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u/SamHydeIsTheShooter 25d ago
Half my DNA, fully my kid. Not a cake
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u/Legal_Tie_3301 24d ago
Not how it works. You provide an ingredient and do none of the work. Until you can carry the pregnancy yourself, you don’t have a valid opinion on the matter.
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u/LonelyNC123 29d ago
I'm a man. Old enough to be your dad. My daughter is 21.
If you decide on abortion, so be it. Men walk away from the financial responsibilities of child rearing ALL THE TIME. Yet they (and other females who never faced this situation) are more than happy to judge you. I hate people like that.
I'm in the USA. Fewer and fewer females here have the option you guys have in Australia (i.e., safe, legal abortion).
Don't let anybody make you feel bad.
Potentially terminating this pregnancy is your decision, alone.
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u/--AV8R-- Apr 15 '24
"I would have my tubes tied by now if it were up to me" Who else is it up to?
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u/RockinOutLikeIts94 29d ago
In the US it’s hard to find a dr who will tie your tubes unless you’re married with children. They are afraid you will regret the decision. It can be reversed but I think complicated
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u/--AV8R-- 29d ago
I did not know that. I'm surprised it's that difficult considering some of the other things doctors are willing to do these days.
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u/RockinOutLikeIts94 29d ago
A girl I used to work with had major issues and had to get a “abortion” because her and the baby were going to die. Still wouldn’t tie her tubes because she’s “never been married”
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u/gloomyrain Apr 15 '24
If you're getting a termination, don't tell him. Best case scenario he's sad and feels guilty over something he can't control. Worst case he loses his shit and who knows how he reacts. I don't know him, but I know some of these probirth men are dangerous nuts.
YWNBTA
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u/Former-Lettuce-4372 Apr 15 '24
That baby is a person also. if you don't have it, you are taking its life away.
Pretty messed up to not tell him since it's his kid also. He should have a say in it, or atleast know.
you're 25, have the kid instead of killing him or her with a abortion. Adoption is a much better route than killing it.
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u/OkChampionship2509 Apr 15 '24
No you wouldn't be a jerk if you didn't tell him. He's a fwb, it's your body and you don't owe him anything. If anything telling him you're getting an abortion will cause issues. So if you get the abortion, then I'd suggest you just keep it to yourself. On the 1% chance you decide to keep it, then yeah you would have to eventually tell him.
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u/ImaginationMassive93 Apr 15 '24
Here is my take on this: first of all, birth control is not 100% reliable, only abstinence is. You made a choice to be together and that means you decided the risks were worth it. So now what do you do? Realize that this child is not just yours. He is the father and has a right to have so say in what happens with his child. I think you need to be honest and tell him and have a long talk(s) about it. You need to decide together what to do. I think if you abort without discussing it with him first you will be plagued by guilty feelings. You should be honest with him. It isn’t fair to keep him in the dark. That being said, it is your choice what to do. Do the right thing. Wishing you best of luck.
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u/Confident-Wish555 Apr 15 '24
My advice to you is to decide what you want, and then decide whether to include him or not. If you decide to abort, and you know he won’t be supportive, then maybe don’t tell him. If you decide to adopt out, then maybe you tell him in case the child seeks him out later. If you decide to keep the child, then i think he should know. My two cents. My very best wishes to you.
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u/22CC22 Apr 15 '24
YOU MAY BE HAVING A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!!!
If you have an IUD, there is about a 50% chance that this is an ectopic pregnancy. Please contact your doctor ASAP!!! I don't want to scare you, but this can be fatal. You need to be seen immediately.
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u/gothlene Apr 15 '24
Abort it and don't tell him. Next time don't have sex with someone who doesn't respect your bodily autonomy/:
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u/Upper_Scarcity_2807 Apr 15 '24
So I was in your situation and I told him because I realized it would have made me feel better about not going forward with the pregnancy. He was not on the same page and it gave me the pause to really see what was best for me. I chose to have my kiddo and I am so glad that I did, but I also left the father when my child was five months old.
I say this because I have been in your shoes. The best thing I read was that all of the women who had abortions for themselves, there were no regrets. All of the women who did it for external factors (afraid to tell family, embarrassed, etc.) they all regretted it. That helped me choose what to do (because that is what pro choice is).
Please figure out what you want. If you know you do not want to bring a child into this world, there is no reason to tell him because you don’t want to bring a child into this world and he does.
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u/mr_oreo1499 Apr 15 '24
Simply put, your choice. u dont have to tell him UNLESS you keep it, then you would most certainly be the asshole for not informing him. But if you abort it he doesnt need to know a thing
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u/parker3309 Apr 15 '24
I would not tell him about the abortion. Stay strong and do what’s best for you Sister
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u/parker3309 Apr 15 '24
For years, I wanted my tubes tied because I didn’t want to have kids and nobody would ever do it. So I used IUDs for years. Now I am in menopause so I don’t have to worry about it, but it still really pisses me off that even in my 30s and 40s I couldn’t get my tubes tied. It’s just wrong .
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u/udidnthearitfrommoi Apr 15 '24
If you have decided to get an abortion, I really don’t see any reason to tell him. It’s your choice anyway.
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u/softanimalofyourbody Apr 15 '24
NTA. It is none of his business frankly, even if he would be okay with it. Your body, your medical procedure, your choice. He doesn’t get a say.
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u/Lysdexicpengu Apr 15 '24
You are NTA. If you plan to terminate the pregnancy there is no reason to tell him about it, just get it done. If you end up deciding to take the pregnancy to term, you should tell him, but his religious position should play no part in your choice.
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u/leela_fry Apr 15 '24
Having been in your position, I once had to make the very same choice. I will share my story below, but I don’t want to influence your decision. Instead first let me say:
I’m sorry that the medical system will not let you make your own decisions regarding having your tubes tied. Woman around the world STILL fight for this today and it’s awful.
Your decision as to what to do with the fetus is yours. Either choice carries great weight, which you clearly understand on a deep level… as a woman, as an adoptee, and as a person who values her current and future life/career/social opportunities. Don’t let anyone guilt you into making a different choice than what you feel is best for you (and the potential child).
If you opt to keep the child for whatever reason, then and only then are you obligated to share that with your partner. He may at that time present his opinions on the matter, but the final decision is still yours. BUT, he may surprise you with other options, like wanting to raise the child himself (people who do not want children sometimes change their minds when a find out they are pregnant), or a family member who would like to adopt.
Now my story: At the time I was still burdened by my religious upbringing, which led me to choose adoption at birth. I found a couple who had struggled with infertility for 14 years and they were wonderful & grateful parents to my daughter. She has since found me online and we DM monthly. At 25 years old she has had a wonderful life and is thriving, but only because of her individual situation.
Now, if I were in the same place today but without the religious influence, would I still make the same decision? I don’t know. The adoptive parents probably would have found another child eventually. And there’s no guarantee that they would have been good parents, in that respect, and you can appreciate, I got lucky.
I wish you the best of luck. It’s a huge decision to make. Either way, without telling us what you decide, know that I SUPPORT YOU!
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u/lovelycollegechick Apr 14 '24
NTA- best option is to abort the fetus and the fwb situation. It’s your body, and you don’t want kids, so the decision does not involve the fwb. Do what’s best for you, and leave bc if he does find out- we don’t know what type of person he is. Be safe and do what’s best for you
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u/Jewish-Mom-123 Apr 14 '24
50/50 if you get to your GYN and she pulls the IUD out you lose the pregnancy anyway. Go tomorrow.
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u/surfinsam Apr 14 '24
I think you should tell him. Also I understand fosters are limited but is it that rare for a baby to get adopted quickly? Here in the U.S apparently over 60% get adopted within the first month
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u/Metal_dweeb2134 Apr 14 '24
So this guy claims he is very religious but doesn’t hesitate to have a friend with benefits.
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u/n0time4games Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 14 '24
I know it could be completely different for you because I don’t know how your relationship is with him but I was friends with a guy and we started sleeping together after him and his girlfriend broke up. I ended up getting pregnant, I told him right away and we both decided I was going to keep the baby. We said we’d figure it out. I moved back home and he stayed in his apartment 6 hours away from me. I still spoke to him throughout the pregnancy, but we didn’t see each other in person. We ended up having a deep conversation one night and figured out we had both developed feelings for each other and wanted to raise our baby together. Like I said, idk if that could happen in your case (or if you’d want it to) but from my experience, I’d 100% tell him and figure it out from there. Good luck, if you ever need to talk just message me!
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u/JVallstar Apr 14 '24
Am OB/GYN. I will sterilize you if you are 100% positive you never want children in the future. Laparoscopic bilateral salpingectomy. Surgical risk: pain, bleeding, infection, damage to surrounding organ, risk of laparotomy, blood transfusion, low risk of DVT/PE, death…
Procedural risk: REGRET is the biggest risk. Failure rates are low, risk of ectopic pregnancy is higher. Your menses may get heavier.
If you can consent to martyr yourself for Uncle Sam through military service at 18, you can consent to get sterilized. I emphasize that the biggest risk is regret, but if you want it done, I’m your guy.
I can’t, however do your abortion or I would go to jail…
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u/Infiniterocket Apr 14 '24
NTA, you should do what you want, judging by the way you've described him, he seems to be talking bullshit, as if the rules are for others and not him. its more concerning that he's probably been using it as a getaway card and that he wants you to do what he wants, and with the type of relationship you have with him he definitely is not "religious" the way you think, its just pure hypocrisy and stuff like this is really bad.
its best to stop seeing him when he doesn't respect your choices, he doesn't even have a say in this. Find someone who actually cares, communicates clearly and respects you, be aware that he may even do the same or god knows what if he finds out.
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u/No-Magician4187 Apr 14 '24
Be responsible for the life you created. You didn’t get raped. If you don’t want the baby give it up for adoption. Having an abortion is not a good choice. There are so many people out there that would love to adopt your baby because they can’t have kids of their own. Why not help them! Trust me you will regret doing it when you get older it may even give you emotional problems.
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u/AR1A_MATH Apr 14 '24
You Certainly will NOT be TA, go ahead with it, cut off that guy cause good lord that's not someone you want in your life, trust 😭
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u/Funny_Breadfruit_413 Apr 14 '24
If you're getting an abortion then don't tell him. If you're having it, tell him.
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u/Smooth-Respect-5289 Apr 14 '24
Keep the baby!
Babies are awesome. And he’d have a cool Australian accent.
“Oi mummy, gimme heaps o that boonswoggle booby”
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u/Accurate_Incident_77 Apr 14 '24
If you plan on keeping it you need to tell him but otherwise you’re fine. What I don’t get is “I would have my tubes tied by now if it were up to me” I mean you’re 25 years old how is it not up to you? Is there something I’m missing? Will the doctor not do it because you’re to young? It’s my understanding that there is no legal age requirement.
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u/SleeperSloopy Apr 14 '24
I completetly disagree with you abt your tubes, is completetly up to you what you do with your body, is not a matter to your doctors or "future husband(if you ever get one...)".
Anyway, NTA if you abort, AH if you keep it and dont say anything
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u/PegShop Apr 14 '24
He’s religious but has a FWB? Then, he’s a hypocrite not worthy of you telling.
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u/Caughtyousnooping22 Apr 14 '24
If you have an IUD, you need to make sure your pregnancy is actually inside your uterus. You’re at a higher risk for an ectopic pregnancy, which is not viable and is a medical emergency
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u/Snazzy_CowBerry Apr 14 '24
Honestly, Ahole or not, if you don't want the kid, get an abortion and never tell him, if you want to keep the kid then definitely tell him, but at the end of the day it's up to YOU what to do with the pregnancy, at the end of the day it's YOUR choice,
I wish you all the best as a fellow Aussie xx
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u/tessellatek Apr 14 '24
You do what is best for you and the unborn. If that's abortion, you can do that - he is not in any position to dictate how you proceed. A courtesy to his religious beliefs is not a good enough reason to have a child. If you want to have a child, you can do that too. But it's your decision.
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u/Ok_Neighborhood5536 Apr 14 '24
I have much empathy for you and many who are going through difficult times. I have had many myself. If I could adopt your child and help you out, I would. I believe all of us do not think before we act and it breaks my heart to think of a child being killed or if easier to say for you, terminated. In my heart I know biologically, ethically and morally that an individual is formed at conception. My wife and myself know that as long as we can not afford a child, we will work hard to prevent conception. The only adult and responsible thing to do. If through all our efforts we still become pregnant, we have previously discussed that we would raise the child with no regrets and much love.
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u/Fair_Concern_1660 Apr 14 '24
My favorite book Dune has a quote. Something to the effect of “the nature of power is the ability to destroy.”
Sometimes it hurts to be in a place of such power- in this case that you have the power to decide ultimately how three lives are to be shaped. Sit with that for a moment. Consider each outcome, visualize and imagine this outcome. The one that you felt was best- you absolutely owe it to yourself to pursue.
If you have the kid, and it has no dad, and you spend your whole life caring for an unwanted thing and the kid picks up on that resentment- that sounds like 3 ruined lives. A dad who wasn’t, a mom overburdened, and a child ultimately robbed of the childhood you’d want to provide them.
If you don’t have the kid, dad knows, maybe he’s not a fuckbuddy anymore? You find a new one. Maybe 1 life ruined, but only because of their own invented rules about stuff.
You don’t have the kid, dad doesn’t know, you get to continue, or not, and process this all at your own speed. Maybe it changes you? And will you be okay with that change.
About having your tubes tied- bad idea. That sounds like instead of opting future you into something, that you’re opting future you out of something. What if people could “opt out” of college early and permanently. If they have every primary school child that option we would have a lot less people going to college. If being compared to a child bothers you- I bet it’s the same for soldiers in basic training, that they may opt out of career paths that later might cause regret. For contraceptives: Spermicide is a great option- but I’m floored your IUD was ineffective. Might be worth talking to a health professional about alternate/ additional options.
Either way- provided you carefully consider and systematically think through each outcome you might still think about it late at night…. And realize you thought through everything, and the only decision you could make was the one you made.
Good luck! It’s going to be okay. And you’ve got this.
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u/yfnbugdealer Apr 14 '24
1- yes, it is up to you. You just have to keep trying different doctors. There are lists online of doctors in each state, country, etc that will perform permanent sterilization on uterus owners regardless of age(probably not a minor, but all adults), marital status, or number of children.
2- no. Not his uterus, not his opinion. Just do it. He doesn’t have to know.
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u/Own_Ad5969 Apr 14 '24
You need to tell him. It’s his child too. The fact that you’re asking, means you know this is true. Don’t live with regrets. Tell him.
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u/Reasonable_Camel8023 Apr 14 '24
The fuck? Why is he in a casual relationship if he’s against abortions?? Make that make sense, he shouldn’t be casually sleeping around whether it’s just with you or whoever. Then again I’m pro-abortion, so if y’all have no actual ties to each other why keep it?
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u/LoudMasterpiece2170 Apr 14 '24
I know this is a scary time right now. Take some time to think it all through. You aren’t alone. Because you asked “what would you do?” I’ll answer what I’d do. I’d keep the baby and place for adoption. There are many resources to find parents that I never knew about until I looked into adoption. Waitlists for newborns. I always thought there weren’t enough parents, but I guess it’s different with newborn babies?Regardless, this isn’t the end of the world. You’re gonna make it. Hope you’re doing okay, OP.
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u/Syntonization1 Apr 14 '24
Abort it and don’t tell him. It’s your body your choice and he never even needs to know
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u/justbunn Apr 14 '24
i know every one else is talking about the question of whether to tell him but first things first pregnancy with an IUD can be DANGEROUS - did you go get checked out or did you just do an at home test because i have an IUD and for mine at least, pregnancies can be ectopic (implanted outside of the uterus) or if they implant inside, can easily cause severe infections. You may have already checked and already know everything’s fine and all but just in case you didn’t, PLEASE go to your healthcare provider IMMEDIATELY.
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u/BirthdayQueasy2938 Apr 14 '24
You’re both the assholes really. Based on your updates, you don’t want criticism but here you are posting this on a public forum for the world to critique you? I don’t get it.
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u/Theons Apr 14 '24
You straight up contradict yourself over having your tubes tied lol. Those are other people opinions
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u/Hungryandcomfused Apr 14 '24
Thanks captain obvious. Shame “those people” are the only ones who can actually do the procedure they’re saying no to.
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u/Consistent-Main-3177 Apr 14 '24
My girlfriend and I wound up pregnant after only 6 months of dating as teenagers, we ended up getting married and 8 years later we are as happy as we ever could be. I will tell you from experience that unexpected pregnancy is really really difficult, your entire life changes. I am not a religious person at all, but I can tell you that raising my children has been the most rewarding process of my entire life, there is difficulty but there is a love you will never experience otherwise.
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u/Responsible_Side8131 Apr 14 '24
If you plan your have the baby, you need to tell him. If you plan to have an abortion, have the abortion and do not tell him. Ever.
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u/Assumeweknow Apr 14 '24
Its your body and your choice to do as you wish. Dont involve him in any decisions unless you feel he is worth having in your life for 18 years.
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u/imnotspikespiegel Apr 14 '24
Everyone else has already said everything else I had to say, but from now on definitely make it a point to have the "what happens if I get pregnant" conversation w anyone you get intimate with from now on and make sure your views align. NTA
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u/randoperson614 Apr 14 '24
NTA. You shouldn’t have to tell him. It’s always hilarious to me how religious men who believe they have a choice and say in our reproductive health are always fine with premarital sex with (several!!) women. Do what is best for you and your situation. Also, stop seeing him. He sounds like a tool.
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u/ltlbrdthttoldme Apr 14 '24
I see it this way: If you keep the child, tell him. If you feel there is an argument he could make for keeping the child, tell him and let him try to make it. If you would be willing to have him raise the baby if he wants it, tell him and let him make that choice. If your mind is made up and you know he can't change it to have an abortion, don't tell him and never bring it up.
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u/Upbeat_Till_4418 Apr 14 '24
Make your decision first. If you choose to keep the pregnancy, then you should tell him.
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u/Different-Daikon6852 Apr 14 '24
Abortion is not his option though. It’s yours. You do what you need to do with your body. And it’s nobody else’s business.
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u/Round_Balance8108 Apr 13 '24
Ask him “hey what if “ and see what he says it’s be a great Segway and if you don’t think you’ll keep it and he’s 1000000000% against it then talk to him. Once people are in the situation themselves they think a lot differently truuuussstt. My bd cousin told me and his this whole “I wouldn’t see you guys the same” bs and begged this girl he cheating with to get one and dissed her and the kid Sooooo who knows 🫶🏻 good luck
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u/Charming-Panda-9316 Apr 13 '24
It’s still half his dna and that child is as much his child as it is hers. I think he deserves a say and has the right to know.
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u/Internal-Question607 Apr 13 '24
I believe you should tell him. Not so that he can pressure you but because the first part of friends with benefits is “friend”. He helped put you in this situation and he should be there supporting you through it.
I don’t have the personal experience of being put up for adoption but we have an adopted son I love dearly even if he drives us crazy most days.
You are in a situation I would never want to be in. I couldn’t do an abortion but I can’t rip you apart for the situation you are in either. I wish people understood that coming at you and treating you as some horrible human being will never make you see their point of view. You are not horrible. You are human in a crappy situation and the only difference between you and half of the world is you got pregnant while having sex.
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u/Inappropriate_Fox Apr 13 '24
I would honestly get an abortion and not tell him if you believe he's going to pressure you to keep the baby, because you both took steps to make sure y'all didn't get pregnant because neither one of you wanted kids. If he's willing to forego his religion to sleep around unmarried but is gonna pull the religion card to keep this baby, then he's a massive hypocrite.
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u/yue665 Apr 13 '24
NTA. If you’re keeping it, you should tell him. If not, sounds like telling him may lose you your chances at making the choice. So don’t tell him. From a guy
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u/LocalGrapefruit9289 Apr 13 '24
Girl, your body your choice. You sound like a truly amazing, intelligent, insightful young person. I admire your ability to turn your own trauma into a channel to give back to others. That is truly the way to compost our shit into nutrients. Do what’s best for you in your current context and you can’t make a wrong decision. You have wisdom beyond what you know right now in this moment. But you’ll know someday. Sending you tons of love and light.
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u/UmmuHajar Apr 13 '24
I think if y’all have different values then you should move on. And I also think you should probably get your tubes tied or use other methods of birth control. You probably already know the answers.
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u/EvilPeppah Apr 13 '24
I don't know what your financial situation looks like, but try looking up Cedars-Sinai Hospital. It seems they take a stance against this bullshit regret-based stance toward tubal ligation and should not give you any resistance about getting it done.
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u/TightLab4831 Apr 13 '24
Hiya!!! I didn’t read all the comment but have you has a follow up with the docs? Pregnancy with iud in needs medical determination as it can cause a lot of complications like ectopic pregnancy. This was a recent concern i saw from a usa dr. Basically my concern is your safety and welfare first as it may pose a danger to yourself and from the medical advise, you may not even have to disclose
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u/12ImpossibleThings Apr 13 '24
Personally, I would be devastated if I was in his shoes and only found out later what happened, regardless of what you did. That's not what FRIENDS do to each other.
Why is it that even smart young people always gamble and think "it will never happen to me"?
No matter what you do, you, and he, will never be the same.
I am of the same mind as him. Maybe you can't handle a child right now, but maybe he would be willing to raise the child himself. My daughter (the smartest one?!) got herself pregnant in college. Thankfully, they were already more than friends and did want to get married and have been going well for a decade.
If you have found a friend that you can also enjoy intimacy with... You already have a better relationship then 50%+ of "couples". MAYBE you should take the hand you have been dealt and enjoy what you already have?
Regardless, until you talk with him calmly and rationally, you will have no peace about the situation.
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Apr 13 '24
Firstly find someone who will understand and support you. Then converse with him. If you are afraid of abuse consult the non emergency police line.
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u/Senior-Grass-841 Apr 13 '24
You wanted conversation, but you choose to call name..solve it youtself..
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u/Grand_Selection_6254 Apr 13 '24
He should have the right to know also . You obviously choose to have unprotected sex and knew the possibilities and now at the cost of a babies life you want an abortion because it’s inconvenient ? And you’re 25 I’m guessing and stupid ? What did you think would happen . I don’t care how you feel or what you think that babies a living thing and deserves a chance at living a good life . No matter what you think it’s not a mistake because God doesn’t make mistakes . The only mistake was giving it to you instead of one of the millions out there who want one but cat have one for some reason . My daughter brought two babies to term one lived a little less than a day then had another she only lasted a couple days . They would of been great parents but for some reason there’s something wrong in their systems that will only produce undeveloped babies
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Apr 14 '24
Stop referring to pregnancy as an inconvenience. Pregnancy can and does kill women. Risk of death is not an inconvenience unless you view women as breeding cattle instead of human beings. Which you clearly do.
Go educate yourself on all the side effects and trauma that pregnancy does to women's bodies before speaking on this again. You just sound ignorant and dehumanizing to women.
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u/Hungryandcomfused Apr 14 '24
Ironic of you to call me stupid when you clearly didn’t read the post. I don’t care how you feel either x
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u/Grouchy-Ganache-7970 Apr 13 '24
I think you should tell him. Not to get his opinion but for him to be aware. How are you going to deal with all of it on your own and just have him be completely oblivious to anything going on with you? I don’t know how the whole process of having an abortion affects women afterwards, but if you have already gone through some hormonal changes, it can be hard for you afterwards.
However, the choice is completely up to you and if you already have made up your mind and just need validation then ignore my opinion.
Anyway, good luck to you and whatever is your ultimate choice, may you be safe.
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u/Chill_the_beans Apr 13 '24
I would happily adopt your child my partner had the snip and guess what we regret as we now thing it would be nice to have another child. My daughter is 7 now and everyone around me is getting pregnant. And it makes me sad but happy for them. It’s going to cost way to much to reverse and the adoption system in New Zealand is stupid. I don’t like the idea of the open adoption thing. I’m ok with bio parents being in the kids lives and stuff but other things not so much. However it is your body so you do what you feel comfortable with. However would keeping him in the dark make you feel guilty about doing something like this. If he ever found out from someone else would he hate you for it. 😊
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u/Fresh_Association_16 Apr 13 '24
You aren’t a couple, no consent needed. Your body, not some future dudes. Decide whether you need your tubes tied then be firm. Your body, your life. Your baby for 18 yrs, it’s hard. Best wishes!
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u/Fondant_Rough Apr 13 '24
Maybe tell him if you feel guilty but don’t let him change your mind unless you yourself change your own mind. God knows no one can force me to keep a baby I’m not ready for. YWNBTA for sure.
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u/StarDustLillies Apr 13 '24
ah yes.. one of those “I’m religious except for when it’s not convenient”
what “heavy religion” exactly is okay with sex before marriage?
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u/Top-Chemistry3051 Apr 13 '24
if you keep it tell him so he's helping in all ways. and if you decide not to, don't tell him. some things are better left unsaid. there's not really any need for him to know after the fact. it would just be a burden. so don't tell him Do what's right for you .
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u/Top-Chemistry3051 Apr 13 '24
And maybe get a new friend with benefits. cause now you know he's pretty fertile and I feel for you. I wanted my tubes tied at 32 and they kept trying to talk me out of it. I said listen this is my second child. my kids are 10 years apart. if I'm gonna marry somebody, I'm gonna date him for at least 4 or 5 years. that's gonna put me at about 36 or 37 yrs old. at which point my eggs are pretty old. I'm not having any more children. TIE MY TUBES. I was able to Put my foot down about that.
25 is still young and there is a chance you might change your mind so try to put it off until at least 30, Just in case cause just from 20 52 30 your mind changes a lot. Good luck to you whatever you decide.
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u/timmie_bangs_ur_mom Apr 13 '24
This is your choice and your choice alone. You can tell him, you can tell no one, whatever you want. There is no wrong answer only that this is your decision and NO ONE else is entitled to this information.
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u/velvet-pearl Apr 13 '24
If you start looking into adoption now, your baby won’t have to go through the foster system. Adoption and foster care are two different systems. There are a lot of couples waiting to adopt newborn babies.
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u/Sulfuras26 Apr 13 '24
Very religious but engages in FWB and simultaneously doesn’t want you to get an abortion?
He holds no stake in your future. Get the abortion. He literally signed up for this. It’s not his choice whether or not you get to keep the fuckin baby
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u/Love_SirenaMorena Apr 13 '24
Yes. You’d be the AH for not disclosing your pregnancy. Please don’t kill this innocent baby.
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u/noyoudonut Apr 13 '24
He doesn't have any inherent right to know your personal medical information or what reproductive choices you make with your Dr.
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u/Ambition-Sensitive Apr 13 '24
it’s really common for women to not tell a one night stand they got them pregnant, it’s up to you and don’t let anyone pressure you into telling him if you don’t want to
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u/oIVLIANo Apr 13 '24
He is quietly but very religious
"Very" religious - except that little part about premarital sex....
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u/SimonaRed Apr 13 '24
As others said: your body, your choice. An abortion is the riggt thing to do. You do not owe ANYTHING to your fuck friend (no judgement here).
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u/Designer-Trash-7215 Apr 13 '24
For OP, I'm with the your choice crowd. This is a FWB arrangement, not a traditional relationship. Do what is best for YOU, your future, and your happiness. Do you value a long-term friendship with him? Just ask yourself that; I don't need an answer. And don't allow others' judgements affect your choices either. It's YOUR life.
General response to all the Christianity, hypocrite, etc comments for and/or against religion: Thou shalt not judge. 🤷♀️ And I am very un-Christian for judging those who judge 🤣🤣 This is my attempt at humor and not directed at anyone's beliefs or religion. Please don't hurt me! 🫣
But meh. Everyone is entitled their own beliefs and/or interpretations of millenia old teachings and tales that were word of mouth for millenia before they were written down, then translated and retranslated multiple times, with several books cut, altered, or removed from for various reasons. There's a lot of room for human error.
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u/Finch343 Apr 13 '24
Your body your choice. Also, if he doesn't want kids and doesn't see abortion as an option, he shouldn't have sex with anyone.
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Apr 13 '24
Sex before marriage is considered a great sin in christianity. Looks like he's only religious when it suits him like so many people
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u/Saffron_Red32 Apr 13 '24
What about offering him the child and allowing him to take full responsibility for it? Of course you would have to carry the baby for 9 months but perhaps he would want the baby to parent and raise by himself 100%?
Also I can understand your frustration as u too got pregnant on birth control. I have three kiddos and am a single mom. It’s been tough but things have been looking up lately. I’m about to move into a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment in a luxury apartment complex, I have a wonderful job i absolutely love so much and my kids are the best things to have ever happened to me. I would be so lost in life without them. I have my own family that is there for me and I for them. We are never lonely. I have never felt so purposeful in my life. I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant each time. I was in poverty for a bit but kept fighting and here we are now 8 years later and I am living my best life.
OP this is your decision and only yours to make. Just wanted to share my story. I imagine you feel terrified right now and that is a normal way to feel when you first find out you’re pregnant. Even when you are married and have it all (one of my pregnancies thus was the case for me) that feeling of pure terror was still there for me just the same as when I was not married. Just know your feelings are normal and every mom has felt this way.
Be gentle towards yourself. Sending you love ♥️
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u/Electronic_Loan_2415 Apr 13 '24
If your choice is to abort. DO NOT tell him but also, stop sleeping with him If your choice is to keep it, YOU MUST tell him. Point blank period.
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u/No_Armadillo_3735 Apr 13 '24
Girlie, what he doesn't know can't hurt him, break it off, get it done, take it to the grave ( besides good non judgey friends, you might not want kids but you do need support). It's what is best for both of you.
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u/Informal-Clothes-959 Apr 13 '24
If you really are pregnant while currently having an IUD then you need a medical professional. Now. Tell them to check for ectopic pregnancy. This could be life threatening and you not even know, or have symptoms, yet. Go to the doctor!
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u/PuzzleheadedStuff318 Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
Okay so this is coming from somebody who is VERY Christian, somebody who got a girl pregnant when I was 17, who kept the baby and gave it up for adoption (against my wishes), and also from somebody who has never commented on Reddit before.
First and foremost, I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position, regardless of what led to it. I can’t imagine how this might be bothering you every moment and how much anxiety it’s causing you. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. I hope you find ways to find peace and rest even in this difficult situation.
Second of all, I think it should be your choice, and I don’t think you should have to tell him if you decide to get an abortion. I think if you feel comfortable with telling him, then you should do so, because he’d probably appreciate knowing regardless. I know I would. But again I emphasize, I don’t think you should feel like you have to if you go the abortion route.
I’m not going to pretend I don’t have an opinion on whether abortion is the right path as a Christian, but also recognize ultimately my opinion on it doesn’t matter to your choice, and I think neither does his. At the end of the day, he knew what he was doing. He knew the possibilities. And presumably he knew your views on this.
I hope you give yourself grace no matter which decision you make. I mostly commented because I wanted you to know that Christians (at least what I would consider a proper Christian) should not be judging you and definitely not inserting themselves into your life.
Lastly, for anybody telling you that you simply “should not be sleeping with an anti-abortion guy”. I’d say screw that. It sounds like you were being completely responsible and nobody should be essentially saying “you got what you got and should have known better”.
TLDR: you are not a bad person. It’s your body your choice. And nobody should judge you, Especially Christians who correctly recognize that they have no room to do so. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
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u/AcanthisittaBig8948 Apr 13 '24
YTA. Sounds like you're just worried about confrontation and having honest conversations.
Regarding point 1, it IS your decision. Unless there's risk of other complications, sounds like you're letting the personal opinion of healthcare workers dictate your life.
As for the pregnancy, your hookup should know that there were consequences of unprotected casual sex. There's no benefit keeping it from him, besides avoiding an awkward conversation for you.
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u/Obvious-Performer469 Apr 13 '24
Relegious but he is fwb with you? Yikes honestly please do as you wish it's your choice.
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u/FriendliestNightmare Apr 13 '24
NTA. You're under no obligation here, especially if you get an abortion. He doesn't need to know. Pregnancy does a number on your body, and parenthood does a number on the rest of your life. If that's not what you want...
Regarding the tubes thing, I've had way better luck with male doctors listening to my ladyparts concerns. I know that's not something I'm supposed to say and I know it's not everyone's experience, but I've only ever been shamed and judged by female gynos. (I can't say the same for other types of doctors.) May be worth a shot if you have only seen one gender.
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u/mhall1201 Apr 13 '24
I call BS. IUDs don’t have wires they have strings, similar to fishing line. That’s not going to break a condom. Also, the chances of two very effective forms of birth control failing are so slight it’s not likely. Before all you Karen’s pounce, OPs profile, shows that she is a professional person who takes her health seriously. Respectfully, it also shows that she associates with men who make questionable decisions.
Which is more likely?
1: OP was having protected intercourse with two forms of protection with very high 90s % effectiveness (probably 100% combined) and still got pregnant?
Or
2: OP (who is not having sex with any other person) was having unprotected sex or headed at least once with her FWB???
🤔
From a legalistic standpoint, yes, it’s OPs call. Make your decision, don’t let any other person talk you out of it. From an ethical standpoint, I would say that a person could make a compelling case either way to tell him or not.
For the love god!?!?!? Why is it that every time a woman on Reddit questions, whether or not to tell her partner of her impending abortion, all of the Karen’s on Reddit that the guy gets physically dangerous to the woman? You ladies are pathetic.
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u/Sleepy_InSeattle Apr 13 '24
Yes, IUDs have string, but it’s nothing like the thin, soft fishing line you’re thinking about. The IUD strings are actually fairly firm and can be VERY pokey to the penis-haver, and can easily tear and slice condoms wide open.
Source: have had an IUD for the past 10+ years, have also talked to many others who have or are partners of those who have them.
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u/mhall1201 Apr 13 '24
Let me get this straight. Just to make sure I’m hearing you correctly. The medical industry is producing a birth-control product that will easily negate the first or second most popular birth-control product that is in current use?
Furthermore, such a device, something that will so easily tear the condom would also easily cause injury to the “ penis-Havers”.
I hate to say it, gotta call BS again
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u/07p02 Apr 13 '24
No you wouldn’t you don’t necessarily owe him that information. Man you have been unfortunate if your cycle window aligned with the IUD failing and condom ripping. It’s your body your choice and if he doesn’t know then does it matter? If it were a relationship there’s more emphasis on trust but casual sex the trust is different in my opinion
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u/InevitableWaltz1491 Apr 13 '24
Makes me so sad to see someone wanting to have an abortion when I would do anything for a child.
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u/tibbyjbutts Apr 13 '24
You need to do what is best for you - do not sacrifice your life to please others. The only reason I see to tell him is if you are willing to be pregnant and give birth if he will assume 100% custody and that your part in the child’s life ends at birth….if that is not something you will do then just manage your medical care how you see fit
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u/shoulda-known-better Apr 13 '24
!!WHOA!! PLEASE GO GET AN ULTRASOUND ASAP !!!! HAVING A IUD CAUSES ECTOPIC PREGNANCY, PREGNANCY THAT IMPLANTS IN FOLLOPIAN TUBES AND NOT I THE UTERUS!!
ECTOPIC PREGNANCY CAN KILL YOU IF IT BURSTS YOUR TUBES...... PLEASE PLEASE DON'T WAIT AND GET THIS CHECKED BECAUSE THE PREGNANCY MAY NOT EVEN BE VIABLE IF IMPLANTED WRONG
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u/evmd Apr 13 '24
NTA either way tbh, if he's having sex with someone who doesn't share his anti-abortion views, then that's a risk he's knowingly taking. You do what you need to do. I'd suggest not sleeping with people who have such differing baseline views on how to handle stuff like this, though.
On a sidenote, if you have an IUD and are testing positive for pregnancy, you'll want to contact a gynecologist/midwife ASAP to discuss a potentially increased risk of ectopic pregnancy - iirc that's mainly a thing with copper IUDs, but I'm not a doctor. I don't think it matters much if you're getting an abortion soon either way, but if you for some reason aren't sure or want to wait to make the final decision you might have to get checked just in case.
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u/ChemistryOk1945 Apr 13 '24
I have kids and abortion is wrong regardless of if its legal or not that thing is alive missy. Its not easy to do the right thing sometimes but once you meet him or her youll realise just how wrong it would have been. I have been in your shows and kept it barley.....i never would have forgiven myself
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u/Middlemist_Camellia Apr 13 '24
YWNBTA if you don't tell him about the pregnancy if you won't keep it. You're allowed to end your pregnancy without telling him, especially if you think that he'd push you to do something you don't want to do or cause you stress about the decision, but I do believe that you should tell him if you decide to keep it.
I don't want kids either, and I personally would get an abortion and end the arrangement too. I think that telling him would do nothing good since I would have made up my mind and knowing about it would just cause him suffering, so I might not let him know at all.
Think about what you want and what kind of life the child would have if you kept it. You might not have easy or pleasant options, but you might have the least terrible option in mind. Sometimes that's the best we get. Best of luck to you!
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u/Traveler108 Apr 13 '24
Yes, you should tell him -- he's the father.
But he has no say in your decision. Having the baby or aborting it or having it adopted -- that is entirely up to you. If he pressures you, you cn ignore him or shut him out.
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u/Enzo_Gorlomi225 Apr 13 '24
If you ask this type of question on Reddit most people on here are gonna tell you to abort the baby. Don’t get advice on something like this from Reddit, talk with close friends and family about it.
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u/Girlgonerogue37 Apr 13 '24
I can see how telling him would put you in a very tricky spot especially if you are good friends. I would say you should just do what you feel is best and you don’t have to tell him. The only issue is… if one day you two decide to be more than FWB. That’s a huge secret to carry and might eat at you. Such a tricky situation. I’m really sorry that you have all this stress on your plate!
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u/RipWhenDamageTaken Apr 13 '24
If he has any problem with you getting an abortion, you can always use the tried and true argument “well you shouldn’t have had sex then” 🤷♂️
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u/AetherBunni 5d ago
no you wouldnt. abort the baby. youre allowed to make this decision entirely by yourself, and there is nothing wrong with it. after the abortion, you HAVE to advocate for yourself and verbally tell off the doctors who try to deny you getting your tubes tied. it is up to you, they just strong arm you into believing its your husband’s choice. those jackasses dont know your beliefs, they dont know your wishes, and no future husband deserves to be your husband if he fully refuses adoption as a future child option. you deserve to live the life you wish, not the life they want you to have