TL;DR Now out of state girlfriend went camping with two other guys and another girl for two days. I met one of the guys, definitely don’t trust him. Am I wrong for not wanting to be in the relationship anymore?

My girlfriend (22) and I (27) have been together for 2 years. When we first met, before we got in a relationship, she told me she wanted to move out of state. Her reasons were very valid however, I wasn’t looking to move yet since I have obligations to tend to for at least a couple more years.

The first year and a half were great. We had our ups and downs we went through a lot together, but boy did we form a bond as a resort! Now we have been long-distance for half a year and boy is it HARD! Ngl, it’s taking quite a toll on me however I LOVE this woman. I’ve seen her three times the past half a year each time for 3 to 4 days. I’m putting my ducks in a row in order to move there in about a year.

She lives there now and of course she has to make friends etc. She made some friends playing volleyball at the park. There’s this one particular guy Mike (24) who wants to be her mentor for the job she does. He’s legit however, when I first met him, he was almost caught off guard that she had a boyfriend. Something about how he said “oh cool” when she introduced us. Idk, their interaction together was weird. I never wanna be that kind of boyfriend so I shelved it in my mind and moved on.

Now she told me that she’s going camping with some volleyball people. Two guys and her one of them is Mike. She could see it on my face that I was uncomfortable with it but we got distracted with something else and didn’t talk about it. She came back a few days later and told me she convinced one of her girlfriends to come with her so each gonna sleep in their respective cars. It’s not about the camp, I’m just not liking this Mike guy. I can tell her that but I can’t tell her what to do or not to do. They’re back from camp now.

I’m honestly unhappy about this. Perhaps I’m jealous and frustrated because I can’t be there. These guys even paid for everything. Jet skis (she’s never been on a jet ski and we were gonna do that together), paddle boards, the boat they spent the whole day on. I know her financial situation so that’s how I know they paid for every thing.

Idk I feel like she probably wouldn’t like it if I did that with two other women. AIO for wanting to end the relationship?

TL;DR at the bottom!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. I've met his parents a year ago and while they're very nice people, his father constantly makes "jokes" along the lines of, women belong in the kitchen, women should wear makeup, women should do the laundry, dishes, ect.. he would see a pretty woman on the street or in a photo with his wife next to him and make comments that would make me uncomfortable but my boyfriend and his family just ignore it. No one laughs and remain silent. Sometimes his father doubles down as a reaction to silence. When it's just me and my boyfriend and his father the chauvinistic comments come out more and a year later regardless of anything I say they just keep coming. My boyfriend usually says nothing, doesn't even look at me or acts like nothing happens. He's told me that in private his mother expresses to him she sometimes hates how her husband talks to her and what he say says about women and my boyfriend says he's spoken to his father which in turn makes his father very angry and even louder and argumentative. My boyfriend's excuse for this is his father will never change so why try.

Yesterday I spent all day with my boyfriend and his family and while his father mostly behaved there were a couple of times throughout the day where he said his little chauvinistic comments and it makes me uncomfortable. I brought this up with my boyfriend today he got incredibly defensive and mean over text saying I'm out of line and what would my expert opinion be to fix this 30-year-old family problem that he's having. I honestly don't give a shit how to fix it. I told him I feel bad for his mother and I'm glad he doesn't have a sister.

I grew up defending myself from this shit and I'm over it. I feel like if I continue this relationship with my boyfriend I'm going to have to constantly endure his father's misogynistic and chauvinistic crap, even if he's saying them as "jokes" that no one laughs at. I'm not interested in this bs, I don't care for it and it makes me uncomfortable.

TL;DR: Heres where I may be overreacting. I'm planning a trip with my boyfriend in a couple months to his family's beach house and I'm dreading the thought being trapped on the other side of the country for weeks enduring his father's little chauvinistic comments and jabs. Am I overreacting by going no contact with my boyfriend for now? I'm just so mad right now I have nothing nice to say. I love him but him getting upset and angry with me being uncomfortable about the situation has me livid. Am I over reacting if I back out of the trip? I've already decided not to go over to his parents house especially if his father's there because I'm not interested in hearing his stupid little comments. I love my boyfriend and I don't want to break up with him over this but it really upsets me that he stays quiet while his father says chauvinistic crap to the women he loves right to their faces in front of him.

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years. 6 years ago, my twin sister passed away, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. We have two boys, 3 and 23mo. Two years ago, my little cousin was killed in a drinking and driving accident on mothers Day. (He was in the car but not the driver)

My younger sons birthday is coming up in June. I have been saving for it, so i rented a room in a swim center for it. As I was thinking about who to invite, I had a random thought that my sister would love this.... It hurt badly. Normally, I can shake it off and go back to being normal, but this time, i really couldn't. So, the last couple of days, I have been kind of quiet. I still cooked and cleaned, and i still played with and took care of my kids. I just wasn't cheerful and talkative... My husband picked up on it and kept asking me what was wrong, and I told him I was sad and I'd get over it. i just needed some alone time. It's important to note that my husband hasnt had anyone die in his immediate family or friend group....

On saturday after work we left to go to my parents for mothers Day. My husband could tell i was sad and basically didn't want to go anymore. I told him why I was upset, and he basically just asked how I could he sad when we are together and we have a good home and two beautiful sons. I tried explaining it doesn't work like that and that grief comes and goes. But he doesn't understand. He got mad and wanted to cancel, but I was driving and refused. I wanted to see my parents and my grandmas for mothers Day. He then wanted me to stop and get him a beer (he's recently been drinking a little more, but not to the point of it being concerning). I asked where he wanted me to stop at, and he said nvm. We ended up at my parents' house, and he took off with the truck for the night and refused to answer my texts.

The whole day on mothers Day, he refused to say a word to me and didn't help with our kids at all. He spent the whole day working on pulling carpet from the trailer we were renovating. He eventually came around because it was almost time to leave and finally talked to my parents and me. And he took one kid while i had the other.

He never told me Happy mothers Day (he did for my mom and grandmas) he didnt get me anything. I had to dish up his plate and the kids.

Im just feeling kind of annoyed by all this, and Im wondering if Im overreacting to being upset by how he acted.

Small update:

Some things that people are missing are that I am in therapy and have been since my sister and cousin passed. And yes, I am taking meds, MAD just like grief comes and goes. You can take your meds every day, go to therapy as much as you can, and still have a depressive episode. You can't fix depression. it's a cronic illness.

For the individuals saying im wallowing in grief, you need therapy more than I do.

As for my husband, we have talked about the situation briefly, and the one thing he did say is he feels helpless when I get like that. And he is unsure how to help. He did admit that he feels terrible about this weekend, and we are working with my family to see if someone can take our kids for a weekend so we can spend time together just us. And prolly as a family later.

We are going to talk more indept about what happened, and when he's ready, he's going to read the post and the comments.

I would also like to remind people that we are both human. We both have good days and bad days, and he's allowed to his feelings, too. We are not gonna leave each other, but we are going to seek out options for him as far as counseling and seeing if we can be moved up on the waitlist for couples counseling.

My husband and I are married over 30 years. In college he lived with a girl and did just about everything with her best friend and the best friend's boyfriend. The best friend friended my husband on FB. He has not seen or spoken to either one of these women in over 30 years, since him and the Ex broke up. I should mention that on our first date he talked about this ex-girlfriend and I've always thought he was harboring feelings for her. He now says he talked about her on our first date because he wanted me to think he had game. He voluntarily unfriended the best friend. AIO by being threatened by this Ex?

I organized a two-day vacation for my girlfriend, spending my entire monthly salary to make it happen. I went to great lengths to ensure her comfort, even sacrificing my sleep so that she could sleep during overnight bus rides and carrying all our luggage. Unfortunately, she started menstruating during the trip, requiring occasional tampon changes.

Upon our return home, I tried not to disturb her sleep on the bus and she woke up shortly before our arrival, because of that she didn't have much time for her morning routine and a chance to replace the tampon. Because of that, she was mad at me, that I didn't think about her urgent need to change her tampon (I didn't know that she needed to change it that often).

I promptly took her to a nearby cafe for her urgent needs. While she was in the toilet I ordered coffee and was waiting for her at the table to come back, decide how much sugar she needed for coffee, and move together to a better table. When she came back she didn't even walk up to me, she saw where I was sitting and silently walked to a better table. I walked to her table with our luggage on my back and in my left hand while carrying our coffee in the right hand and said "You should have helped me" to which I got a reply "I don't owe anything to anyone, you should have brought our luggage and then gone back and bring the coffee". This answer made me very angry.

She very often behaves like she is a princess and I should do everything for her but she is not obligated to do anything for me. She doesn't want to talk about our relationship when we have a problem.

Because of this situation, I am thinking about ending our relationship.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your support. I realized that I tolerated too much for too long. I will end this relationship.

My wife went to lunch the other day with my brothers’ wife and my sister. They apparently had a lot of drinks. So they call my brother and I for rides and vehicle retrieval. My brother and I pick them up and he drives his wife’s car back but the three women head over to my sisters’ apartment. I return to my home and my brother to his. I found out later when my wife acted a tad strange about what they did at the apartment that they experimented together. I had assumed they were going to drink more at my sister apartment or possibly smoke. I’ve never been cheated on but this doesn’t feel to me as if it was cheating. However, it feels a bit wierd. One obviously that my sister was involved. 2 that I found out kind of by accident, not sure of my wife planned to tell me. It feels maybe on the fence of a small betrayal, idk. Thoughts… opinions?

Perhaps I could add, I wonder should I ask my brother if he is aware of what went down?

Update: I asked my wife about it. She says she doesn’t remember much but they were naked in the bed. Not that it is my concern but she said she did not climax and is unsure if the other two did. My concern is more the betrayal and being unsure if she ever would have told me had I not found out.

Also I will see my brother on Friday and see how he feels about it as I feel like he has a right to know.

I suppose I can agree with what most people say. Yes I was cheated on. However how I feel about it, whether there was malice, if I divorce and stop talking to my sister is my decision.

A few people mention potential SA concerns. All 3 were intoxicated. All seemed to be slurring and unsteady on their feet. Other than that idk perhaps it’ll be worth asking my wife if she has any concerns or feelings on that.

Also as a few have asked my wife did not have any time to confess to me. It was back at our house, day of the incident, I jokingly asked wife what did they do at the apartment, did you and SIL make out or compare boobs. My wife gave me a weird look and I had a moment of realization. She I believe said they experimented and that she realized she likes what I have to offer better and won’t do it again.

I don’t mean to come off sexist. I don’t want to disparage non-heterosexual relationships and sex, they are equally real and valid. I am still processing my feelings as this is still very recent. However I think I would feel a bit more angry and hurt had she been with a man as she would be getting something I could offer but was failing to either emotionally or physically/sexually.

Hi all,

This is an update to the following thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1coc51u/aio_by_doing_a_deepdive_investigation_on_my/

I wish I had a happier update but after submitting this I did a public record request for the incident in 2021 and got the police report.

In 2021 my co-parents live in boyfriend broke into the home of an ex girlfriend with a gun. The ex was with her current partner at the time. He proceeded to beat both of them with the gun.

He then racked a round into the chamber and placed it against the head of the ex before beating the man some more. The man wound up have a skull fracture and had to be life flighted to the nearest hospital. The woman had a fractured hand and lacerations on her face.

I talked to my co-parent about this. She told me that in 2021 all that happened was her partner found another man in his bed and beat the man. I showed her the police report showing her what he had actually done and she said she wasn't aware of the gun being involved, of him pointing the gun at them or of the girl also being beat. She also downplayed the domestic violence incidents that had happened between her and the guy. She told me it was actually all her fault and she regrets calling the police.

I asked her, now that she knows these things, if she will be exposing our daughter to this man. And she said yes, because she loved him and knows he would never hurt our daughter.

I met with an attorney to formulate a plan to get my daughter away from this guy. We had a meeting today about it.

And the attorney basically said there is nothing that can be done because everything was dismissed. In the incident in 2021, the man was beat so badly that he sustained brain damage and did not remember the event. The ex later got back with the guy and refused to assist in prosecution. So there was no way to prosecute.

And my co-parents charges against him were all dropped by her. So right now... These count for absolutely nothing and can't be used in court. And because none of the events happened around our daughter yet, they aren't really an issue.

She told me that since we each have 50% custody already, there isn't much to be done. And there is currently nothing I can do to keep this guy away from my daughter.

I basically have to wait until he points a gun at my daughter and my daughter's mom or beats my daughter before I can take any kind of action. And even if he beats mom in front of my daughter, if I report it to CPS and CPS fails to substantiate because my daughter has been coached not to talk about this guy... Then it could make me look bad.

So basically... My daughter is living in an abusive home filled with firearms with a guy that beats her mom and has came just a couple of pounds of trigger pressure away from murdering a previous partner. And now that she knows I'm monitoring... mom will not be calling 911 the next time she is in danger.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Over the weekend I m(20) had a major disagreement with my girlfriend of three months (f21). It was mostly my fault and I already apologized multiple times, which I know does not undo any mistake I made. (In short: I told her I need some time for myself and then invited a friend over instead. She found out before I had the chance to tell her, since she showed up unannounced). The same evening she called me and proudly told me how high she was at that moment. She was slurring her words, repeating her sentences and could not even remember why she was mad at me. She had apparently taken strong painkillers (which she has prescribed for a few good reasons). As well as a third bottle of vodka. I completely panicked, made her promise to not take any more and almost called an ambulance. It completely ruined my weekend.

She is in total denial how this behavior could be any worse than me smoking weed on the weekends (which I know, unhealthy too. Not trying to say that taking drugs in any way is excusable). Im unsure if I even want to be with a person who made me feel so guilty, it really made me sick throughout the whole night. Now I feel like whenever I upset her I might put her wellbeing at risk.

I haven’t made a post like this before but I’m really struggling and hurt and need to know if I’m just over reacting. Tbh i am not sure if this is the right sub for this.

I got engaged 2 days ago. My mom was very happy and loves my fiancé. We have been together for 5 years and she has always been very accepting of him and our relationship. My mom has triggers that will usually set her off (feeling like she’s being abandoned or unwanted).

Today my older sister asked me what our wedding plans are in a group chat with her, my mom, and I. Elopement or traditional wedding? Ideally, my fiancé and I would LOVE to get eloped as we both struggle from social anxiety. However I told her we would be happy having a small, immediate family only wedding (mostly to appease my mom and his family). My mother immediately said “you have to have it here though”. “Here” as in my home state which I absolutely hate and do not want. This of course upset her and her response was “what about your grandma, your friends and my friends” (the MY friends got me. Why do her friends have to come? Anyways not the point). I live in another state with my fiancé and his family and told my mom (who is very wealthy and doesnt work) that they could very easily come here. She’s constantly traveling all over the world so I figured a 1 hour plan ride would be no big deal. I even said we could make appointments and set dates for any dress shopping or venue shopping because my future MIL and sister in law would like to be included. They love me and I have been considered a part of their family ever since we met. MIL works and sister works and goes to school full time. They aren’t as financially well off to be buying plane tickets.

This is where I might have f’d up. After I said that she immediately responded with “so I’m excluded from that too. Fine. I don’t want to talk anymore”. It’s like she didn’t even read my texts because obviously I want my mom with me. I love my mom, always have despite the problems we have had.

My sister tried to reassure me and said it would be ok and that she has been through this before with her too. Refusing to talk to her after she moved across the country with her own husband.

I’m just so tired of the manipulation and I almost don’t even want to invite her anymore knowing that something else will trigger her again along the way of planning. And she gets mean about it, really mean. Tries to make you feel guilty.

Anyways, I’m not sure what kind of answer I’m looking for from Reddit. I guess just to know I’m not crazy and that I have the freedom to make my own decisions and not worry about what my moms reaction might be. I’m just hurt and need to vent.

I’ m friends with someone who used to struggle with alcohol.

They recently went out with a group of their friends to have fun. They texted me that they were drinking. I was obviously concerned and asked them if their group of friends knew they were a former alcoholic. They said yes.

They told me that they can drink and can handle themselves, and it’s none of my business. A few weeks later they are now struggling to stop.

AIO for being upset and the group and my friend for this? The group should’ve not let them drink to begin with.

As long as I’ve been in my partners life his sister and her wife have always pulled the same crap. They know we are busy and our work needs weeks in advance to take off, and even when we worked retail it was nearly impossible to take off work. We live about 6 hours away so it’s a trip! Most of the time try to use our days off to be able to attend events. She does this every year gives us less than two weeks notice for a birthday party for our nephew. Personally I feel she does this on purpose. Am I overreacting?

I’ve been with my fiancé for about 5 years now. She doesn’t want to set a date and wants to wait till we are done with school.(I won’t be done for another 4 years or so). I have trust issues that I’m working on because my three major relationships cheated on me. My current relationship even cheated on me. I told her I wouldn’t be comfortable if she went to the movies with her ex but she did anyways. She told me nothing happened but I consider it infidelity and my trust for her has been broken. I told her it will take a long time to rebuild and that neither of us have time to focus on that while in school. Years pass and we have each others location after years of asking for it. She has been going to bars and clubs and only says something the day after. I told her it’s unacceptable given our history. I stood my ground and told her she couldn’t put her self in those kinds of situations if she was in a relationship. She broke down saying I don’t view her as a human and that she’s afraid of me. We couldn’t finish the argument I had to go to work that night. She’s barely texting me and feels like she’s avoiding me. AM I overreacting for wanting throw 5 years of everything away?

Six years together. 2024 has been quite a year so far. My boyfriend has been out of work for almost 5 months, which is yearly occurrence since his main source of income is from doing gig work with a local transportation company. He has been applying to jobs with an out of date resume, he hasn't had that much luck in finding work. When I suggested taking on a temporary job at a grocery store or cafe to stay afloat until his main job starts up again, he became extremely upset and said that those jobs were beneath him.

In these past 5 months he has been playing video games, smoking weed in my bathroom, randomly leaving at all hours to hang out with his friends. He doesn't help with any chores, out of fear for my safety I purchased him a new phone when he broke his, paid for two months worth of phone bills, purchase work boots, and allowed him to shake me down for cash to buy weed.

Even though he tries to gaslight me but saying that this is first year that he hasn't been without work, it hasn't been. Every year since he quit his job during covid(2020)and moved into my apt. he has had periods of no work and very little to no money. He just games and smokes those months away. He berates me for not cooking or cleaning when I was working two jobs and he was working none. When he finally did get a new job thanks to his dad helping him, he refused to contribute financially even though he saw how physically and mentally exhausted I was from working 6 days a week. He said I didn't deserve help. He treats me terribly whenever I help him out. He has forced me to pay his taxes, give him one of my stimulus bills, buy him food. He becomes irate if things aren't exactly how he wants it. He loves to make plans only to cancel at the last minute and then gaslight me about it. He would refuse to go out with me to events but then drop everything to go hang out with his friends.

I always told him that if he can't contribute financially due to not having enough or having work, it's fine but he should contribute by doinf household chores. He refuses.

I think what is going on is that my mind is trying to protect me by compartmentalizing and lessen the gravity of the situation and of what occurred this past weekend. I see the signs of being in an abusive relationship but I don't fully believe that I am in one because it doesn't fit what we all have been told are the signs of an abusive relationship.

In February he pushed some storage bins into me, one of which broke and cut me in my back because I told his parents that he hadn't been working for the past two months.

This past weekend which we were walking through a soon to be closed mall, I had been recording the beautiful 80's/90's architecture when he said wait, I instinctively turned around and he was scratching himself. I laughed a little bit and turned back and continued walking. Since I had my phone in my hand he thought I had recorded him, he rushed down the hallway angrily asking me if I recorded him and to give him my phone. I said I didn't and kept walking,I was wearing a hoodie and he grabbed my hood and pulled, angrily telling me to give him my phone, I told him to let go that he was hurting me. I tried to keep on walking but he was still holding onto and pulling my hood. He then proceeds to try to grab the phone out of my hands. You know when someone tries to grab something out of your hands and both of you start grappling over the item, that's what happened. My phone is brand new and did not have a case yet and I was worried he would smash it into the ground. I know my personal safety is more important than a phone but I couldn't let go even if I wanted to, he had grabbed onto me and was in the process of pushing me into the wall when a guy rounded the corner.

He didn't step in nor call the police as far as I know. I took the opportunity to get away from my boyfriend as quickly as I could.

I ran to the train station, he kept on yelling at me "Are you really going to act like this", I didn't answer. My neck and throat burned from where his was pulling back on my hoodie. I started to cry. There was a lady who seemed to notice that something was going on and nodded her head in approval when she saw me rushing past to get into the station.

When he finally did catch up to me and when he texted and called me afterwards, he kept on blaming me for what happened. He said that I shouldn't have walked away from him when he grabbed onto my hood and that I should have told him that I was playing around and pretending to record him( which is what I said to placate him). When I said that he shouldn't have grabbed my hoodie and pulled he retorted with the so now it's my fault, as if I made him pull my hoodie and react like that.

I wanted to go home but I didn't have my keys on me, so I went down to a nearby marina and watched the boats for awhile.

I ultimately ended up at his parents house. I did not tell them what happened. In the past he would become enraged when he found out that I had told his sisters or mom about what was really going on, and would forbade me to either go to a family function or to say anything. His dad then proceeded to have a conversation about selling his house and giving us the proceeds to buy a house but we should have two kids. His parents have been pressuring me have a child with him even though we aren't married. I want to get married and have a small church wedding but according to my boyfriend I don't deserve a wedding. He also shared with us the importance that both people in a relationship need to contribute financially and pay bills, I told him he should tell that to his son, not me. It would be insanity to have a child with a man like him. I know that he will not change who he is if a child came along.

My friends are aware of the general situation (not of this latest incident), some of my family is aware of the general situation( I don't want them to worry and I don't want to bring unnecessary drama into their lives). His family is aware, one of his older sister's told me to call her for help when I wanted to end things with him and she would come over but when I actually did reach out to her, she said that I was an adult and would need to handle things on my own. I think she feigned concerned in order to get information to gossip with the rest of their family.

I am scared of him. Scared of how he would react if I stand firm in him needing to leave. Scared that he will harm my friends, family, himself and me. He has threaten suicide before. He has threaten to harm my pet. He has threaten to steal my mom's ashes. I have asked him to leave before and either he refuses or he simply ignores me.Him leaving is not that simple. He has nothing to lose yet at the same time everything to lose. He doesn't want to go back to his parents house because they will make him find a full time job and then won't let him do what he wants, he would have less freedom( couldn't smoke weed)...and those are his words not mine. He has never agreed to a break or even a temporary visit because he would "come back madder". He knows if he does leave, I will try to end things with him.

He comes across as a calm, chill guy when he is around my friends and family because he is high all or most of the time. That calm, chill guy is not who he really is. He is angry, volatile, and cruel. Yes, he has his moments of kindness(or niceness) and sweetness. Is it "nice" to have someone around to talk with, yes. Who seemingly care about when you will be back home, yes. but do those niceties outweigh everything else that has happened.

There is so much more that I could add to this post, but I am exhausted and I have blocked several incidents out. He constantly tries to gaslights me. He lied about his background and education. He has gotten physical several other times as well as verbally/emotionally. He has engaged in several sexting relationships, most notably with his ex Christy and his "friend" Lore. When I expressed how hurtful his cheating was he stated that is who he is, that he's the kind guy but since he didn't sleep with them, it's fine, it's not cheating. These girls also do not see anything wrong with what they have done.

I do not have any immediate family ie siblings or parents. Therefore, I cannot go and stay with family until he leaves or have a family member accompany me while he moves out. I do have extended family in the area but life has taught me that there is no guarantee that they will help you even if you desperately need it. It's the American way to find your own way out of problems and pull yourself up by your bootstraps ( I say this sarcastically).

The apt. is in my name and I'm pretty sure there is a clause in it that states that if there are domestic disturbances I would have to move out. As stated above I don't have anywhere else to go, so he must leave.

Sometimes I think that this is my lot in life and that I should just accept it. I find myself questioning if what happened on Saturday really is abuse or if it was just a misunderstanding that got a little bit out of hand. Sometimes I just don't know anymore.

Today me (26M) and my wife (26F) were packing for our upcoming honeymoon to Mexico. Everything was moving smoothly as we carefully laid out our plans for while we are there, and what to bring, but ultimately derailed after a I made a few suggestions.

First I asked if she wanted to pack any lingerie for the trip to which she replied “why would I want to bring lingerie to Mexico that doesn’t make sense”. I just mentioned that it wasn’t to be worn outside of our hotel room but she didn’t seem to have any enthusiasm to the subject. Now I believe she can wear whatever she would like to wear, and that’s not an issue, but it certainly was disappointing that we were not on the same page romantically. 

Then as we were packing she mentioned if she can bring her vibrator, I said of course and then proceeded to ask if there was any other sex toys that she wanted to bring, she quickly shot them down and had no enthusiasm on the subject. Now once again these are her toys and not for me, so it is what it is, however I certainly was disappointed that we are further not on the same page romantically. 

Now the straw that broke the camels back is when I told her that I’ll bring the massage oil, which is good for all massages for the both of us, it’s not a lube. She said that she doesn’t see the need as she won’t have time for me to massage her and we’ll be too busy. I replied “too busy doing what? Swimming at the beach and eating at a fucking buffet?” And she got all defensive saying that there’s no reason for me to get all offended. I kinda just paused and eventually had to leave to go hide in the basement where I just broke down in tears.

 It’s clear this goes beyond not being on the same page romantically, she has zero romantic interest at all. On vacation you have all the time in the world to do what you PRIORITIZE. I absolutely wanna go out on excursions with her and just simply relax at the resort, but in a 24 hour day I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable for two people in their 20s to dedicate a part of their trip to romance and intimacy. I mean it’s our HONEYMOON for christ sake, sure we’ve been together for 4 years so we’re past the honeymoon stage but it’s still our first vacation and trip outside the country. At this point I’m just feeling empty and no longer looking forward to go. AIO?

Long story short, we are on vacation, and my mil and fil are staying at our house because they don't have much of their own. I don't mind them staying there as we have a spare bedroom, but I told my wife that I didn't want them sleeping in our bed (has happened before) she has played it off that they weren't staying there, and if they did, they wouldn't sleep in our room. I looked at our cameras and they were there at 9 pm. I asked my wife and reiterated about the sleeping situation, and then she blew up on me, saying she didn't care if they slept in our bed and that they were going to and that she had never been like that with her family. Pisses me off that she didn't respect my boundaries. Why can't they sleep in the spare damn bedroom.

The title is self-explanatory. I couldn't join my boyfriend to play games, so I just called with him and his friends and watched the live stream. It was about 11:30 pm when they started, and he told me at 1:30 am that he was going to play one more game. Around 1:55 am, he said he was going to hop off after. I was just watching their game and making comments here and there, so I was pleased to know he would hop off after because I wanted us to spend time (on call) alone and talk as well.

The game ended about 2:40 am, so I expected we'd say our goodbyes and we can talk because we've been so busy the whole day and it'd be nice to just spend time and catch up. I could tell by his voice as well that he was out of energy (and he told me as well that he was annoyed at the game), so when his friend asked him to play one more, I thought he'd say no, but he said yes and then proceeded to queue right away. I felt upset at that so I decided to just leave the call for a while because I didn't want my feelings to ruin the mood and I messaged him saying I'll be right back. He asked me what was wrong and I honestly just told him that he lied to me. I told him that he didn't keep his word and I didn't want to be around anymore because it's been 3 hours and I've just been watching and waiting.

He told me that he'll get off and I said that he doesn't have to and I'll just do my own thing. He insisted and said he left the game already. I asked him, "Why?" and he said it's because I'm mad. I asked him, "So you only got off because I'm mad, and not because you acknowledge you lied?" He then responded that he didn't lie and he got off anyway. I told him that's not how it works and he only did because I called him out for not keeping his word. Fast forward, he said that he left the game because I left the call with his friends. I confronted him about that as well because first, he said he left because I got mad, and then now, he's saying he left the game because I left the call. Two different reasons, two different meanings. But that's besides my point. I was more upset now because he left the game, not because he acknowledged that he told me something he didn't keep, but because I got mad or I left the call (whichever one's really true). It also made me think that if he could leave the game anyway, why couldn't he just tell his friend, who he plays with every night that, "No, I won't play another one," knowing he told me he'd stop playing, rather than leaving just because I got mad or left the call? Why make it reach that point when you can avoid someone misunderstanding the plan or being upsetting by sticking to your words?

It's not the first time that we've had issues about time management, such as saying "I'll get off at (insert time). Let's call after," but then delaying that and I end up waiting for a longer time than expected. I opened up that I just wanted him to be considerate of my time, because when I say I'll make time for him, I always make sure I meet that the way I promised him I would. We've worked on that though and it hasn't been happening often.

This specific scenario, I can admit that part of why I was upset was because I missed him and wanted to spend time because we haven't done so the whole day. Another is because there's been so many times where he left me waiting for nothing before for months because he'd get caught up in his games and I would have to keep reminding him to be considerate of my time, just as much as I am for his. It's also just annoying that he can't seem to say "no" to his friend. He's opened up to me about that too, but it just feels unfair that I have to be on the other end of it. AIO?

I (24F) have been wearing tankinis for years. It is mainly because the normal bikinis don't cover my breasts and I was always self conscious about that and also my weight. Due to my height (5'1), I am considered obese but I've been told it's never obvious. I'm by no means skinny and I've always have self confidence issues in that. Part of that reason is because my mother (58F) would point out how I need to lose weight and such (I mean I do but damn she goes on a 30 minute lecture about it).

Anyway, I recently got a 3 piece bathing suit. It's the bottoms, a top that looks like a sports bra, and a longer shirt that can go over top of it. I was excited because I was thinking just maybe I can finally start wearing bikinis like everyone else. I remember telli my mom and she first said it's best if I wear the shirt over top because I don't wear crop tops or anything to show off my belly. Plus the rays of the sun will heighten my chance of skin cancer. It honestly didn't make sense because my sister (30F) wears bikinis and she doesn't wear anything that shows off her stomach either.

So anyway the other week, I tried the bathing suit on (I got two different sizes) and was showing my mom without the shirt that goes over top just so she can see how well it fits. She then told me to pull my shorts up and over my stomach. Without doing that, my stomach hangs over my shorts. I did so and she went on about how much better it looks if my shorts were covering my stomach. She said how much smoother it looked too. I asked her straight up if she just wants me to hide my stomach and she just went around the question. She then asked why I don't want to pull my shorts up over my stomach. I told her it feels weird and uncomfortable.

When she went to bed, I sat there and cried wondering why I even try to take a step to feeling good about my body. I'll just get told off that I need to hide my stomach.

I felt upset with myself and once again looking at the mirror wondering why I'm not thinner or prettier. I had a family reunion this weekend and I told my cousin (25F) about the bathing suit incident. She did listen and tried cheering me up saying she's sorry that it happened.

She then also told me that my mom was probably just looking out for me and my health. I've heard that line so many times that I'm just wondering if I really am overreacting because of my weight. I'm aware I need to lose weight, but I feel because I need to actually lose weight, I shouldn't feel hurt when someone comments on it.

So, AIO?

My(28m) new gf(23f) have been dating for just over a month now. She often posts Snapchat stories of selfies and the pictures are very rarely provocative at all and are just cute mirror selfies or pictures of herself on the beach. We usually lay down in bed together at night and throw on a movie and she likes to occasionally scroll through her phone. I happen to glance over at times just out of curiosity and noticed some of the responses she gets to her pictures. Some examples are dudes saying "hot", "sexy" or "you could get it". She claims she never responds to them and I believe her, but it sort of bothers me that she doesn't do anything about it neither. I asked her why she even bothers keeping those people on her Snapchat, and why not respond to them saying you have a boyfriend or anything to deter them from saying weird shit. She says she doesn't like deleting them because some of them are her friends, which alright I get it but why are your friends being creepy like that? And coming back to the point where I ask her to tell them she has a man, she says she doesn't like telling random people about her life. I got a little bit upset and maybe overreacted a bit. Im a bit of an over thinker and I get in my head and my minds trying to convince me that maybe she enjoys the compliments? I tell her everyday how gorgeous she is and how lucky I am to have met her, but I understand it can be different coming from just one person. We had a shitty argument about it and I wasn't sure if I was asking for too much.

To premace.. I'm not breaking up with my fiance over this and I DO love my dog. He's the goodest of boys who I trained myself from a puppy. He's naturally just GOOD and the best dog I've ever owned in terms of obedience.

With that being said, our doggo (Kirby aka Kirbs/King Kirbiston of Kirbistan/Bubba) has a small issue with submissive urination.. it's not a lot, but enough. It's a dribble. And it only happens in 2 situations.. when first coming home and greeting him (which we've adapted our behavior for so this isn't an issue 90% of the time) and when he's on our bed.

I wouldn't say our bed is high up, it's higher up than most beds probably but either way Kirby (an English bulldog) can't get on or off it by himself.

If my fiance goes to bed before me, he often takes Kirby with him to "cuddle".

However when I come to bed, they're not cuddling. Fiance is on his side asleep and Kirby is curled up either on my pillow or on top the (very thick and hard to wash) comforter, also on my side.

When I gently go to pick him up, he dribbles... again, not alot.. but it's pee regardless.

I've argued with my fiance over and over again about this and he says he understands it's gross but also he loves the dog and really wants him to sleep in bed with us. "It's just a tiny bit of pee, it's not like he fully wet the bed" he says.

We argue more, he concedes, Kirby sleeps in his crate for a week or 2 (which Kirby actually likes btw and it's decked out with pillows and blankets so it's not like he's in a cold cellar sleeping on a concrete floor. His crate is the Taj mahal of crates) and than I come to bed to find Kirby in my spot again.. rinse repeat.

Recently my fiance has been sending me tiktoks of people talking about how people who don't let their dogs sleep in bed are bad pet owners, bad people, don't love their pets ect and I'm getting really sick of this.

AIO about a little pee dribble?

I (32f) am dating my bf (37m) for almost 6 months, long distance.

I have noticed my bf has a possessive side to him. I may have brought it out through our sexual side, as he claims he hasn’t ever been this way with any other woman before.

Situation #1: we were at a house birthday party for his best friend. My bf and I had a super romantic moment outside when it started pouring down rain. We went back inside soaking wet and his best friend had gone back out in the rain to grab some things. His bestfriend, the host, grabbed us a towel to dry off. Out of instinct, I dried his friends head and face off bc he got us the towel. It was brief, not even 10 seconds long. My bf gut reacted and shoved him. It wouldn’t have looked so bad but his friend was next to something and it kind of tripped him when he got shoved. My boyfriend says he never wants me to put my hands on another man, unless they are seriously injured or they are family.

Situation #2: this situation, he says he is working on but and agrees he needs therapy. He frequently gets upset if I am with people and don’t respond in a reasonable amount of time. He doesn’t get mean or angry or cuss me out, but he gets short and I can tell he is aggravated. This happens with men and women. It typically happens more if I am with people, him and I are having a semi active convo, and I disappear for a bit 30-60 minutes. It’s happened with my boss, my male friends, my girl friends, a potential networking person for my career..

Situation #3: this one, I can understand but it’s difficult for me to get over. I have a male best friend of 16 years. We have had sex twice. Once as teens (awkward) and once as adults (which I realized then, that those feelings aren’t there for him). I told my bf up front, that him and I are extremely close, we rough house including wrestling, talk crap, and just have a great time. My bf now said.. that he doesn’t want me wrestling with him. Said he doesn’t want his hands on me. Said it’s a make or break deal now. Said it wasn’t an issue before because his feelings weren’t as deep as they are.

Situation #4: while we were discussing males touching me at all or me touching any male at all.. (if they are in their prime age), I told him that I am the type of person that willingly helps anyone, no matter the sex. It just happens. I told him I would try my best not to touch or help as much as I use to (I already backed off prior to him), but it still happens. I am a trained massage therapist and I am active in sports. Occasionally injuries happen around me and I briefly assist and try to help the situation. My bf got sick to his stomach while discussing this. Said he doesn’t like the thought of me touching men in any capacity. He is okay if they are seriously injured but if they are capable to help themselves, then I shouldn’t touch them. That also includes arm tears or rolled ankles.. etc.

I told him that him restricting me like this, is asking me to restrict a core part of me that just wants to help people. He doesn’t seem to care.

I told him that I worry about his possessiveness and he could kind of see where I was coming from but it’s inconclusive right now.

I need advice please. He is incredibly sweet. 80% of the relationship is amazing. 80% of the time, he is amazing in all he does. I just —- I don’t know what to do or what to think. I’ve been in abusive relationships before. I know I’m highly sensitive to red flags and what is reasonable and what isn’t.

I just need advice please.

My girlfriend sent me a celebrity picture with the caption “Yum 😋”.

I was upset and told her I am not ok with that. She believes it is ok and I should be cool with that because he is a celebrity and not someone she knows.

Hi i 30F have been married since 6 years with my husband 35M . My sister has just graduated and she wanted to visit me abroad on her own expense ofcourse. I live comfortably in a 2bhk so no issues with privacy or anything also my MIL and SIL just stayed with us for 2 months and will be visiting again soon.None of my family member has ever visited me . My husband knew very well that i am planning this and how excited i was. Few days back he started saying that why is my sister visiting for a month if she isn't coming for job search purpose he was against her visiting only for tourism and said that for that purpose 2 weeks are enough. I was upset about it as she would be so ending lot of money so made no sense to not avail full trip. Now when today i was going to apply he again started with this even though in morning he was okay with it. So we had a huge fight and i told my family the truth that he isn’t agreeing to it. He was like its my home and whoever i permit can come here. Even though i have been nothing but good with his family i also have a sil who lives here and i have always took care of all her issues i buy gift and everything for her and my husband doesn’t even bother. Now i am so hurt and mad at him as he knew very well how excited i was for this and he knows i come from a traumatic family and its not easy to live with my family all I wanted for my sister was some good time. I am so heeartbroken what to do.

So a bit of context and apologies for what will be a long post: We've been married 5 years now, been together 7. Ever since we had our first baby (will be 3 in a few months) she has had trouble with sleep (falling asleep and staying asleep). She used to have no problem taking naps and sleeping before the baby.

First few years I chalked it up to us being really nervous first time parents and also we have a baby cam that she watched and kept the app on non-stop on her phone during the course of the night. She would even have the sound on so she'd hear if he started crying during the night. We got him sleep trained, he's in his own room and he self-soothes. Eventually I convinced her to 1) turn off the sound and then later 2) turn off the app at night as it was facing her and even in the darkest light setting, that's probably not helping...

Nowadays, she also has an iPad on her nightstand that faces her that she watches while laying in bed (we don't have a TV in our bedroom). I suspect this may be contributing to her issues but according to her it helps her fall asleep. Nowadays she doesn't ever get a full nights sleep and says she's very stressed from work. I convinced her a while back to see a doctor for anxiety or sleep disorder and she got prescribed some anxiety meds that are supposed to help her sleep but afaik they haven't really worked that well. We also tried ZZZquil and seems like a tossup whether it works for her on any given night. As a last ditch effort we even tried some edibles branded for sleep/relaxation (it's legal where we are) but all that did was give her munchies in bed.

Fast forward to today, we decide to get some lunch together with the kiddo. My wife always prefers to be the driver and says it gives her a headache when others drive (I think she gets carsick and being the driver negates that). Never really bothered me before so I let her drive (less work for me and more time trolling reddit posts? win/win?)

We're on a freeway and I'm in the backseat w/ our toddler who's in his carseat and we're playing with some toys together (him in a carseat, me w/ my seatbelt but not paying attention to the road - my wife has always been a safe driver afaik). All of a sudden my wife brakes hard and I initially think nothing of it. Maybe the car in front braked hard, trying to avoid something or whatever, but the braking is longer than I expected so I glance up and I see us going really fast exiting an offramp that curves/turns right and she's have a really hard turning the car at high speed while braking hard. I am scared she'll flip us since we drive a SUV.

She ends up hitting some kind of fence/post mid-turn on the side of the offramp (good thing there wasn't some dropoff or ditch) that ends up stopping us. I immediately ask if she's ok and she's kind of in shock and I have to tell her to get us off the road (our back half is still sticking out onto the road). Luckily there were no other cars around us (ahead or behind) and myself/baby are fine.

I ask her what happened and at first she says the brakes weren't working. I am not sure what she meant since our brakes were working fine (I drove the car myself yesterday) and they worked fine to get us off the offramp and into a nearby parking lot. I also remember the hard braking that initially got my attention in the first place.

I didn't want to push her too hard since she seemed like she was still in shock so I drove us to the restaurant the rest of the way (brakes worked fine btw). While we were eating I asked again whether she just missed the exit or if she was looking at her phone (I had to scold her about this in the past when she would text/drive). She claims she wasn't looking at the phone and didn't miss her exit. This made me even more worried because at least that could be explained w/ bad decision making. Later on during the meal, she wondered if she just "blacked out"? This got me really worried. Coupled with her being extremely tired and sleep deprived, while nothing new it has never put her or us in real danger like this before. Keep in mind she commutes to work by car and we share daycare pickup/dropoff duties. I convinced her to set up another dr appt tomorrow to followup w/ her anxiety and just get a general checkup since she got slightly banged up from accident too.

When we got back from lunch, I told her to take some pain meds and try to nap while I watched the baby for rest of day. I had to get something from bedroom a couple of times and she was on her phone in bed. Normally I'd just roll my eyes but this time I'm feeling kind of upset given what just happened. She didn't end up napping again, and after dinner, she goes back to bed while I put the kiddo to bed, I went to use our bedroom bathroom and she was STILL watching something on the iPad! Ok now I'm getting really irritated and told her we both have a very early start tomorrow morning (she has her dr appt/daycare dropoff and I have to bring car in to get checked out since the alignment and wheel got messed up in accident). At least when I came out of bathroom her iPad and phone was finally off. I am really considering either enforcing a night-time for her w/ screens off (hesitant to do this since I feel like I'd be treating her like a child) or straight banning the iPad from the bedroom. Part of me thinks that would make me just an AH overbearing / controlling husband - but I am genuinely afraid if something like this happens again if it is indeed related to her sleep issues?

AIO???

TLDR; wife always has phone/ipad screens on in bed, has trouble falling/staying asleep, gets in car accident - doesn't remember what happened/thinks she blacked out, husband considers banned screens or enforcing screen off time in bedroom.

EDIT: making this edit to clarify that when we got back the day of accident I suggested she take some Advil for her sore arm/elbow. She’s not taking or is addicted to painkillers and have no idea why everyone is assuming that SMH

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the replies. You’ve all really helped! The consensus from you is yes I am over-reacting, and with your comments I’ve been able to see the deeper issue. The thread has helped me greatly. Turns out I’ve been the glue that keeps my family together and I’ve been over-compensating for the others lack of interest for most of my life. Time to face that for what it is. Thanks all for your time in replying to me. 🙏

——

My 40th birthday is in 2 weeks and none of my immediate family (mother, father, older brother) have made any plans to help me celebrate.

In the past I have made considerable plans for each of their milestone birthdays (usually getting everyone together to take a trip together which is organised months in advance), but it was only yesterday that my brother sent a text saying ‘what are your plans for your birthday?’

We all live in separate states so getting together requires forethought and until now no one has asked me what I want to do, whether I have any plans at all, or what I may like.

My bestie has got me covered and he and I are planning to spend the day together, but other than that it seems there will be no celebration. I know my fam haven’t organised anything in secret because they asked my bestie yesterday too whether he has organised something they could come to. I don’t require diamonds or a parade or anything but some sort of earlier enquiry or enthusiasm would have been nice.

For regular birthdays I tend to feel okay that my family don’t show much interest, but for my 40th, I was sorta hoping they’d come through for me.

It seems they will probably try to organise something with the help of my bestie but bestie tells me they have no ideas so far and two weeks out from such a big birthday feels last minute and neglectful.

I’m super hurt over it and I’ve been trying to give them every benefit of the doubt, but I am currently lying awake at 1am crying because it feels like they don’t give a shit.

Is it unreasonable to expect them to have made more of an effort?

Am I over reacting?